I may have an MD at the end of all this...

I feel like I'm gaining so much information through this process, I may qualify for my own doctorate at the end.  Okay, maybe not an MD but how about a PhD in cancer, or at the very least a master's degree! =)

The diagnostics are done and we spoke to both my oncologist and surgeon today.  First, I spoke with my surgeon who was following up with me regarding my MRI results.  She told me that things look good, there is no sign that the cancer is entering the chest wall (which I was a little concerned about since I can feel the tumor pretty deep).  She did say that there are two lymphnodes that look a little enlarged so she may have me get another ultrasound to see if they can find them, and if so to biopsy those.  When I asked if the PET scan would give us an idea about the lymphnodes too she said yes, if the PET scan shows the area as completely "cold" then we could consider the area safe and I wouldn't need the additional biopsy.  I let her know that the PET scan was complete and that the tech told me she should be able to see it online.  She then looked it up and very informally said that it looked really good based on her quickly looking- seeing nothing but the known tumor.  Of course that is not "news" because very easily a more thorough review could show just a faint glow where those lymphnodes are.  So we will hold off on that "news" until we actually get it.  The only other news from the MRI is that the tumor is approximately 4cm by 4.4cm.  So it is pretty big.  As I understand from my online research, once a single tumor reaches 5cm it is officially stage 3 cancer.  Just under!  phew!  Also there appears to be a second small tumor right near the big one, and a small finger growing off the big one.  What this information means is that they will definitely want to perform a mastectomy and not just a lumpectomy.  If the tumor was the only one, and had totally clean lines there was a chance for a lumpectomy, but frankly the odds of local recurrence with this type of cancer is pretty high anyhow, so we probably would have taken this route regardless. 

As for the oncologist, there isn't quite as much news.  So we have decided not to pursue the Stanford trial because the doctor didn't feel like it was the best option for me (she wasn't against it, but not really for it either), and at the end of the day, driving down to Stanford for treatment would have really been a huge burden with Isabella.  I felt like the quality of life would have really been compromised.  That left the local trial if it was available, and the standard care.  Well it sounds very much like the chance of the local trial being available isn't very good.  So at this point I am assuming that I will just be doing the standard dose dense chemotherapy.  I am disappointed and feel a little bit like maybe I am missing out on the best cutting edge treatment, but at the same time trust that I am making the right decision for myself and my family.  There is a possibility that I would be allowed to join the trial late (so I may complete one or two weeks of the standard care, and then join the trial with the added drug).  I'm not going to count on that (or an even less likely last minute approval of the trial for me to start with it), just because it is better for my mental health to focus on what is, not what might be.

So there you go.  Lots of information.  I'm hoping to have a better idea of a timeline for fertility after my appointment tomorrow too.  Movement- it feels good.  So start sending me "no hair loss" vibes now so that maybe, just maybe my hair won't fall out during chemo!