Today is Christmas. It is Bella's second and my first as a survivor. Although the fact is that being a survivor is an ever-present and permanent part of my existence now, it actually didn't flavor the festivities at all. This gives me an immense amount of hope that life really will be able to return to some semblance of normal.
It has been a wonderful couple of days. Christmas Eve has been the big celebration day for both.of our families growing up. What that means today is that we combine everyone for a super celebration. We host the huge dinner party at our house. This year there were 33 of us in total. The traditions include a crab cioppino dinner with cold crab and prawns, bacala, Caesar salad and garlic bread, and a rousing game of ornament exchange. It is all so much fun.
Today we woke up late (thank you Bella!), opened our gifts and stockings, went to Nick's mom's house for brunch, opened more presents, came home for a nap, enjoyed leftover crab for dinner and now a relaxing, quiet night in our pj's.
It really is a wonderful life. I am so blessed and grateful to be alive.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Change of Plans
I posted a couple of weeks ago that I was planning on having my implant exchange surgery on December 28th. Today I had my follow up appointment with my Radiation Oncologist. She is very pleased with how I have healed and thinks everything looks great. So great that aside from seeing her before having surgery, she doesn't want to see me until March of 2013!!! Yep, over a year from now!
With that said, she shared with me that statistics indicate a significant decrease of potential risks after six months post radiation. She isn't worried about my skin- that should heal just fine. She also said my plastic surgeon is excellent (actually she raved about my cosmetic results even compared to women with their final implant in, and I only have the expander!), and that his willingness to work on me wasn't wrong per se. However, the main issue is that there is a much higher risk for tissue fibrosis internally. Essentially I want my expander replaced because it feels like a rock on my chest and I am wretchedly uncomfortable. However, if the tissue reacts because it hasn't finished its process post-radiation, then I could end up just as uncomfortable with a more permanent rock on my chest.
So after a lengthy discussion trying to weigh risk versus benefit, I have decided to trust my gut that my body isn't ready. I am still experiencing some swelling from the radiation, and had even tried to do some research to figure out why at least one of the plastic surgeons I met with told me that they wouldn't be allowed to operate on me for 6-12 months post radiation. Now that my doctor has explained to me what the risk is, and how it fits into the time frame, I trust that waiting, at least a little bit longer, is the right choice. Although I'm disappointed that I won't be done in 2011, I feel good about my decision. My doctor also shared with me that the reason I can't have an MRI with my expander (one of the reasons I wanted to have it swapped out) is that they are concerned about the magnet- not me. There is no risk of the expander ripping through my skin or some horrible other interaction. They just don't want to ruin the machine, and the reality is that it really won't do that either. We would also be doing MRIs on my remaining breast, not for the affected side. So using ultrasound and mammogram (and PET scan if necessary) is more than sufficient.
Although today's appointment changed my plans, it left me feeling much more confident about getting through my next year. Life looks a little better to me each and every day.
With that said, she shared with me that statistics indicate a significant decrease of potential risks after six months post radiation. She isn't worried about my skin- that should heal just fine. She also said my plastic surgeon is excellent (actually she raved about my cosmetic results even compared to women with their final implant in, and I only have the expander!), and that his willingness to work on me wasn't wrong per se. However, the main issue is that there is a much higher risk for tissue fibrosis internally. Essentially I want my expander replaced because it feels like a rock on my chest and I am wretchedly uncomfortable. However, if the tissue reacts because it hasn't finished its process post-radiation, then I could end up just as uncomfortable with a more permanent rock on my chest.
So after a lengthy discussion trying to weigh risk versus benefit, I have decided to trust my gut that my body isn't ready. I am still experiencing some swelling from the radiation, and had even tried to do some research to figure out why at least one of the plastic surgeons I met with told me that they wouldn't be allowed to operate on me for 6-12 months post radiation. Now that my doctor has explained to me what the risk is, and how it fits into the time frame, I trust that waiting, at least a little bit longer, is the right choice. Although I'm disappointed that I won't be done in 2011, I feel good about my decision. My doctor also shared with me that the reason I can't have an MRI with my expander (one of the reasons I wanted to have it swapped out) is that they are concerned about the magnet- not me. There is no risk of the expander ripping through my skin or some horrible other interaction. They just don't want to ruin the machine, and the reality is that it really won't do that either. We would also be doing MRIs on my remaining breast, not for the affected side. So using ultrasound and mammogram (and PET scan if necessary) is more than sufficient.
Although today's appointment changed my plans, it left me feeling much more confident about getting through my next year. Life looks a little better to me each and every day.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Disneyland
I should really write posts closer to the time they happen since my memory is just not what it used to be, and details like to fade... Anyhow this is a little recap on our fabulous visit to Disneyland at the end of November.
As you already know, we visited Disneyland in July with Nick's mom and brothers for Isabella's first trip. When we were down there we tried to convince my sister Sarah to bring my niece Mia for a day too. It proved to be too much but we all agreed on a trip after Thanksgiving for Mia. This was that trip. I'm telling you this because I have never had such a princess-centric Disney trip, but this was all about my beautiful little niece and what she loves.
Nick, Bella and I drove down late Saturday night after Thanksgiving number two at my dad's house. Like crazy people we arrived Anaheim sometime around 2:30 a.m. and quickly found a cheap, clean hotel room to grab a few zzz's. Sarah, Alex and Mia flew down to Orange County Sunday morning, and we all convened at the hotel we had booked for our stay. Once we had dropped all our luggage we headed straight over to Disneyland.
Mia didn't know where we were all going so as we approached the park we kept asking her if she had figured out where we were. Finally, once we were in line at the gate, she knew exactly where she was. The house of the mouse of course!
As we strolled down main street Mia was just taking it all in. Christmas at Disneyland is pretty stimulating after all. We quickly found Mary Poppins, and then Ariel! A princess roaming free right in the middle of the park! We stopped for Mia's very first picture and autograph from a princess.
Mia was in princess heaven and we'd barely begun! We then went straight to Fantasyland for some kid friendly rides. We enjoyed the Carousel and Dumbo to start, and then had to get some lunch.
The details from here start to get a little fuzzy for me- where we went and when is a bit jumbled. As you can see from the pictures, Bella was exhausted. She was happy, just really tired. So tired she actually just fell asleep on Nick's shoulder while waiting for the Tiki Room! Mia danced with Mary Poppins, and we found our way on to a couple more rides in the park.
Eventually we worked our way back to the hotel for a nap before dinner. We went to the Big Thunder BBQ for dinner and stuffed ourselves on sausage, chicken, ribs, and all the BBQ fixins. Delicious! After dinner we watched the fireworks and Fantasmic! while indulging in some desserts at the French Market Restaurant. Not to give away our tricks, but if you want a seat, and a decent view for Fantasmic! grab a table at the French Market. You can see the whole show, you have a chair the whole time, and you can get dessert (or dinner) at the same time!
After a late night and a long first day, we headed back to the hotel to rest up for day two! Here's the whole group required castle shot! (Yes, we did put the girls in matching Snow White Shirts for the day.)
The second day was my actual birthday, and we had a very important date to attend. I had scheduled us for the Princess Luncheon at Ariel's Grotto! We started off the morning with fruit and bagels (with a birthday candle for me!) and then headed off to California Adventure. The boys went off to ride the big roller coaster while Sarah and I and the girls went on The Little Mermaid, Undersea Adventure! It was sweet to experience the magic with our little princesses. We stopped for a girls photo op along the way.
We rode some rides (I finally got to ride Toy Story Midway Mania, which is insanely popular and always has a very long line), and eventually worked our way to Ariel's Grotto for our Princess Luncheon. This was the highlight of the trip for me. Mia was in absolute heaven. Ariel greeted us at the door, and then Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella and Belle worked their way around the room one at a time, greeting each little princess personally. Mia became more and more excited with each princess that approached (we were at the end of the circuit so she watched them work the whole room before reaching us), so by the time Belle joined us, Mia was over the top. Belle also happens to be a favorite, so when she arrived, Mia literally tackled her with a hug. It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen. Bella slept through the entirety of lunch, but I was almost glad because that meant Mia got to have her very special experience all for herself. Bella will get to have her own Princess lunch when she is old enough to appreciate it. Here are some pictures from our fabulous lunch.
After lunch we wanted to hit up a couple more rides (both kid-friendly and adult-friendly) before heading back to the hotel for our daily nap. On our way to A Bug's Land for some fun for the kiddos, we stumbled across Minnie, Mickey and Pluto. We happened to be the last allowed in line to greet them and so lucked out with probably one of the most awesome Disney pictures possible.
We finished up California Adventure with rides for all (big and small) and headed back to the room for a little rest. We had originally planned an earlier dinner with the girls but quickly realized that the park was closing early that night, so we pushed back our reservations for some more Disneyland fun. We went on It's a Small World (always a winner with the kids), the Tiki Room (another favorite of Bella's) and the Haunted Mansion. Once we had shut down the park, we headed over to Ralph Brennan's Jazz Kitchen for a delicious birthday dinner! After a tasty steak dinner, we indulged in a birthday beignet and some banana's foster. Yummy!
Day three was planned to be a partial day since we were all heading home at various points throughout the day. Alex left in the morning (or at least he was supposed to, but due to fog in the bay ended up getting stuck in Anaheim until Sarah and Mia left in the afternoon!), so it was Nick, Sarah, Mia, Bella and I for day three. We planned to visit Pixie Hollow to meet Tinkerbell, and the Princess Faire to meet whichever Princesses were on duty. Done and done! We met Tinkerbell, Sleeping Beauty, Jasmine and Belle.
We finally made it on Peter Pan (the best kid friendly ride in all of Disneyland in my opinion), and got a little shopping done. It was truly a wonderful trip. It made me that much more excited to take my kid(s) and experience the magic time and again as they appreciate new and different aspects of the Disney magic. I know it is cheesy, but it really is the happiest place on earth. I think I should do this every year for my birthday! ;)
As you already know, we visited Disneyland in July with Nick's mom and brothers for Isabella's first trip. When we were down there we tried to convince my sister Sarah to bring my niece Mia for a day too. It proved to be too much but we all agreed on a trip after Thanksgiving for Mia. This was that trip. I'm telling you this because I have never had such a princess-centric Disney trip, but this was all about my beautiful little niece and what she loves.
Nick, Bella and I drove down late Saturday night after Thanksgiving number two at my dad's house. Like crazy people we arrived Anaheim sometime around 2:30 a.m. and quickly found a cheap, clean hotel room to grab a few zzz's. Sarah, Alex and Mia flew down to Orange County Sunday morning, and we all convened at the hotel we had booked for our stay. Once we had dropped all our luggage we headed straight over to Disneyland.
Mia didn't know where we were all going so as we approached the park we kept asking her if she had figured out where we were. Finally, once we were in line at the gate, she knew exactly where she was. The house of the mouse of course!
As we strolled down main street Mia was just taking it all in. Christmas at Disneyland is pretty stimulating after all. We quickly found Mary Poppins, and then Ariel! A princess roaming free right in the middle of the park! We stopped for Mia's very first picture and autograph from a princess.
Mia was in princess heaven and we'd barely begun! We then went straight to Fantasyland for some kid friendly rides. We enjoyed the Carousel and Dumbo to start, and then had to get some lunch.
The details from here start to get a little fuzzy for me- where we went and when is a bit jumbled. As you can see from the pictures, Bella was exhausted. She was happy, just really tired. So tired she actually just fell asleep on Nick's shoulder while waiting for the Tiki Room! Mia danced with Mary Poppins, and we found our way on to a couple more rides in the park.
Eventually we worked our way back to the hotel for a nap before dinner. We went to the Big Thunder BBQ for dinner and stuffed ourselves on sausage, chicken, ribs, and all the BBQ fixins. Delicious! After dinner we watched the fireworks and Fantasmic! while indulging in some desserts at the French Market Restaurant. Not to give away our tricks, but if you want a seat, and a decent view for Fantasmic! grab a table at the French Market. You can see the whole show, you have a chair the whole time, and you can get dessert (or dinner) at the same time!
After a late night and a long first day, we headed back to the hotel to rest up for day two! Here's the whole group required castle shot! (Yes, we did put the girls in matching Snow White Shirts for the day.)
The second day was my actual birthday, and we had a very important date to attend. I had scheduled us for the Princess Luncheon at Ariel's Grotto! We started off the morning with fruit and bagels (with a birthday candle for me!) and then headed off to California Adventure. The boys went off to ride the big roller coaster while Sarah and I and the girls went on The Little Mermaid, Undersea Adventure! It was sweet to experience the magic with our little princesses. We stopped for a girls photo op along the way.
We rode some rides (I finally got to ride Toy Story Midway Mania, which is insanely popular and always has a very long line), and eventually worked our way to Ariel's Grotto for our Princess Luncheon. This was the highlight of the trip for me. Mia was in absolute heaven. Ariel greeted us at the door, and then Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella and Belle worked their way around the room one at a time, greeting each little princess personally. Mia became more and more excited with each princess that approached (we were at the end of the circuit so she watched them work the whole room before reaching us), so by the time Belle joined us, Mia was over the top. Belle also happens to be a favorite, so when she arrived, Mia literally tackled her with a hug. It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen. Bella slept through the entirety of lunch, but I was almost glad because that meant Mia got to have her very special experience all for herself. Bella will get to have her own Princess lunch when she is old enough to appreciate it. Here are some pictures from our fabulous lunch.
After lunch we wanted to hit up a couple more rides (both kid-friendly and adult-friendly) before heading back to the hotel for our daily nap. On our way to A Bug's Land for some fun for the kiddos, we stumbled across Minnie, Mickey and Pluto. We happened to be the last allowed in line to greet them and so lucked out with probably one of the most awesome Disney pictures possible.
We finished up California Adventure with rides for all (big and small) and headed back to the room for a little rest. We had originally planned an earlier dinner with the girls but quickly realized that the park was closing early that night, so we pushed back our reservations for some more Disneyland fun. We went on It's a Small World (always a winner with the kids), the Tiki Room (another favorite of Bella's) and the Haunted Mansion. Once we had shut down the park, we headed over to Ralph Brennan's Jazz Kitchen for a delicious birthday dinner! After a tasty steak dinner, we indulged in a birthday beignet and some banana's foster. Yummy!
Day three was planned to be a partial day since we were all heading home at various points throughout the day. Alex left in the morning (or at least he was supposed to, but due to fog in the bay ended up getting stuck in Anaheim until Sarah and Mia left in the afternoon!), so it was Nick, Sarah, Mia, Bella and I for day three. We planned to visit Pixie Hollow to meet Tinkerbell, and the Princess Faire to meet whichever Princesses were on duty. Done and done! We met Tinkerbell, Sleeping Beauty, Jasmine and Belle.
We finally made it on Peter Pan (the best kid friendly ride in all of Disneyland in my opinion), and got a little shopping done. It was truly a wonderful trip. It made me that much more excited to take my kid(s) and experience the magic time and again as they appreciate new and different aspects of the Disney magic. I know it is cheesy, but it really is the happiest place on earth. I think I should do this every year for my birthday! ;)
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Party in Pictures
I don't feel like I did justice to my amazing birthday party in my last post, and before I move on to new topics (Disneyland and Tahoe!) I wanted to give it another try. So here is my party in pictures. I didn't include most of the people shots just because once I started, I didn't know where to stop since I have so many amazing people in my life. There are a couple though just for variety. I hope you see what a fabulous event it was, and how very lucky I feel. =)
Being my sassy party girl self
I had a wish tree at the door- here are the instructions.
And here is the tree- we will plant it (cherry blossom) in our front yard.
My wonderful sister Sarah and my mom!
The entrance where the guest book, wish tree and cocktails were set up.
Signature cocktail number one- Aged to Pearfection.
Signature cocktail two- Cherry Blossom.
The mantle above the cocktails showing some of the beautiful house decorations.
The beautiful and delicious cake by Cake Coquette.
The food table full of delicious delectables!
My best friend from college, Katie, who flew out with her hubby just for the night of the party!
More decorations in the house.
The tasty candy table!
The parlor where we had music, a slideshow, dancing and the christmas tree.
The prettiest pixies at the party, dancing by the christmas tree.
And the beautiful christmas tree!
And last, but certainly not least, my two loves Bella and Nick. They are my everything.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Happy Birthday to me!
I'm slowly going to work my way through all of the fun and wonderful things we've enjoyed over the last couple of weeks! We've been busy! I told you about Thanksgiving, and what's up with cancer-free me, so now it's time to talk about my birthday!
Last week I turned the big three oh. For many people this is a scary number. It somehow represents adulthood. Once you're thirty you're supposed to be grown up or something. For me, it represents the end of a year I never thought I'd experience. It represents the end of cancer. From the very beginning of this process the plan was that I would be done by my birthday. And I was! I anticipate my thirties will be the best decade yet.
The actual day was spent at the Happiest Place on Earth! Yes, I entered my "adulthood decade" at the biggest playground out there- Disneyland! We had taken my niece, Mia, for her first visit (with her mom and dad too of course!). But that's another post. =) Anyhow, I was greeted in the morning with a fruit plate and a birthday candle for my first birthday wish (thank you Sarah, Alex and Mia). Then we all got ready to head over to the park. We were visiting California Adventure that day since we had reservations for the princess luncheon at Ariels Grotto. Again, I will tell you more about all of these fabulous things in my Disneyland post, but it was such a wonderful way to spend my birthday. The adults got to trade off playing with the girls and all of the wonderful kid friendly rides and activities, and going on the big kid rides! =) After a full day of the parks, we finished the night off with a fantastic dinner at Ralph Brennan's Jazz Kitchen. Delicious! Complete with another birthday candle in a beignet and some flambeed banana's foster! Yum!
Then this past Saturday was the big party. Ever since my diagnosis, when we realized that I would be finishing treatment slightly before my birthday, we knew we would have to throw a huge bash to celebrate. It was the "I kicked cancer's ass / 30th birthday" celebration. Nick took the lead with help from his mom, my mom, my sister Sarah, and various other friends and family. They did an outstanding job. The theme was cherry blossoms based on the invitation I designed which was done shortly after I wrote my post about cherry blossoms! =) Here is the invitation...
The party was held at Falkirk Mansion in San Rafael. It is a beautiful old mansion that was beautifully decorated for the holidays (Christmas tree and all!). We had music and a slide show set up in one room, signature drinks (the Cherry Blossom and Aged to Pear-fection) and a candy table in the entrance, and food in another. The food was delicious. It was provided by both family (my family's gyoza by my mom, crab cakes by Nick's grandmother, hand rolled meatballs by Nick's mom and aunt, and more), and catered by Meals of Marin. Meals of Marin is a group very similar to the Ceres Project and they use catering as an additional way to fund their work. They also staffed our event. Their food was outstanding, service impeccable, and best of all- it goes to a worthy cause close to my heart.
The party was just wonderful. It is all a bit of a blur as any good party should be. So many amazing people in my life all in the same building- really warms the heart. Here are a few photos from the event!
Overall, I just feel so blessed and lucky. I have a wonderful life.
Last week I turned the big three oh. For many people this is a scary number. It somehow represents adulthood. Once you're thirty you're supposed to be grown up or something. For me, it represents the end of a year I never thought I'd experience. It represents the end of cancer. From the very beginning of this process the plan was that I would be done by my birthday. And I was! I anticipate my thirties will be the best decade yet.
The actual day was spent at the Happiest Place on Earth! Yes, I entered my "adulthood decade" at the biggest playground out there- Disneyland! We had taken my niece, Mia, for her first visit (with her mom and dad too of course!). But that's another post. =) Anyhow, I was greeted in the morning with a fruit plate and a birthday candle for my first birthday wish (thank you Sarah, Alex and Mia). Then we all got ready to head over to the park. We were visiting California Adventure that day since we had reservations for the princess luncheon at Ariels Grotto. Again, I will tell you more about all of these fabulous things in my Disneyland post, but it was such a wonderful way to spend my birthday. The adults got to trade off playing with the girls and all of the wonderful kid friendly rides and activities, and going on the big kid rides! =) After a full day of the parks, we finished the night off with a fantastic dinner at Ralph Brennan's Jazz Kitchen. Delicious! Complete with another birthday candle in a beignet and some flambeed banana's foster! Yum!
Then this past Saturday was the big party. Ever since my diagnosis, when we realized that I would be finishing treatment slightly before my birthday, we knew we would have to throw a huge bash to celebrate. It was the "I kicked cancer's ass / 30th birthday" celebration. Nick took the lead with help from his mom, my mom, my sister Sarah, and various other friends and family. They did an outstanding job. The theme was cherry blossoms based on the invitation I designed which was done shortly after I wrote my post about cherry blossoms! =) Here is the invitation...
The party was just wonderful. It is all a bit of a blur as any good party should be. So many amazing people in my life all in the same building- really warms the heart. Here are a few photos from the event!
The birthday girl herself
My pretty princess in her party dress
Aged to Pear-fection
Cherry Blossom
Candy Table!
My beautiful and delicious cake from Cake Coquette!
Overall, I just feel so blessed and lucky. I have a wonderful life.
All in a year
I think I've mentioned before that my long term reconstruction plan is to have a DIEP flap procedure. This is major microsurgery that takes tissue from my abdomen to create a new breast. At the same time they will lift the other side so that shape and size all matches. It doesn't make sense to do any of this until after I have finished having babies. Aside from stretching out my stomach again (hey, if I have to have surgery, at least I can get a bonus benefit from it right?), my unaffected breast will surely change shape, and more importantly we don't know how a pregnancy would affect the abdominal tissue that is moved. So the question remained- what do I do until then? I currently have a tissue expander in. This is essentially an implant that has a port so that it can be put in empty or partially filled, and expanded over time without surgery. Aside from the hard rubber port that I can feel, the expander itself is really hard and pretty uncomfortable. Worse than that, I can't have an MRI which is one of the primary diagnostic tools that I am supposed to use for follow up in the next few years.
After my mastectomy my plastic surgeon mentioned the possibility of replacing the expander with a regular implant. My fear was that then my insurance could deny paying for the DIEP flap procedure. He told me that if I am unhappy with the results (which we can pretty much expect I will be) that I say so, and they are legally obligated to cover the reconstruction. With this information I made the decision to do just that. I expected to meet with my doctor yesterday and plan a date for this surgery sometime in February. He indicated that I would need some time to heal after radiation before we could consider surgery and due to some other things in my life, February was the next possible option.
Yesterday I did in fact meet with my plastic surgeon. We discussed the exchange surgery and my options (silicone vs saline, etc). It is an outpatient procedure that can be completed in the surgery center. I don't have to even go to the hospital, let alone stay in it! Plus the recovery should be pretty manageable. Everything had been reviewed and the last step was scheduling. Much to my surprise, my doctor said we could do it before the end of the year!
Yes, I know that I am crazy. This is the worst possible time of year to plan on putting myself out of commission, but the idea of having all of the major medical stuff behind me within the confines of one calendar year is just too alluring. So we scheduled surgery tentatively for December 28th! I have to get medical clearance (just saying I am strong enough to handle general anesthesia) and my insurance has to go through in time, but I don't anticipate any issues with either of these things.
Assuming all goes to plan, I will be done with everything before the end of 2011. I will be happier than you can possibly imagine to ring in 2012. I have great hopes for this next year!
After my mastectomy my plastic surgeon mentioned the possibility of replacing the expander with a regular implant. My fear was that then my insurance could deny paying for the DIEP flap procedure. He told me that if I am unhappy with the results (which we can pretty much expect I will be) that I say so, and they are legally obligated to cover the reconstruction. With this information I made the decision to do just that. I expected to meet with my doctor yesterday and plan a date for this surgery sometime in February. He indicated that I would need some time to heal after radiation before we could consider surgery and due to some other things in my life, February was the next possible option.
Yesterday I did in fact meet with my plastic surgeon. We discussed the exchange surgery and my options (silicone vs saline, etc). It is an outpatient procedure that can be completed in the surgery center. I don't have to even go to the hospital, let alone stay in it! Plus the recovery should be pretty manageable. Everything had been reviewed and the last step was scheduling. Much to my surprise, my doctor said we could do it before the end of the year!
Yes, I know that I am crazy. This is the worst possible time of year to plan on putting myself out of commission, but the idea of having all of the major medical stuff behind me within the confines of one calendar year is just too alluring. So we scheduled surgery tentatively for December 28th! I have to get medical clearance (just saying I am strong enough to handle general anesthesia) and my insurance has to go through in time, but I don't anticipate any issues with either of these things.
Assuming all goes to plan, I will be done with everything before the end of 2011. I will be happier than you can possibly imagine to ring in 2012. I have great hopes for this next year!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Thanksgiving, parts one and two
Although I did post my gratitudes on Thanksgiving day, I never told you about our actual holidays! Yes, I did mean that plurally. We celebrate on Thanksgiving Thursday, and then have our second Thanksgiving on the Saturday after.
On the holiday proper, we went to Nick's mom's house for dinner. For our family, it was relatively small and happily low key. There were 12 of us I believe. Lorraine cooked everything for the meal and it was all delicious. All I did was bring some cheese and artichoke dip for appetizers. Easy breezy. =) We all had a wonderful time relaxing with each other and enjoying our delicious meal. Bella really enjoyed herself too!
On the holiday proper, we went to Nick's mom's house for dinner. For our family, it was relatively small and happily low key. There were 12 of us I believe. Lorraine cooked everything for the meal and it was all delicious. All I did was bring some cheese and artichoke dip for appetizers. Easy breezy. =) We all had a wonderful time relaxing with each other and enjoying our delicious meal. Bella really enjoyed herself too!
Friday was spent relaxing and preparing for Saturday since we were planning to drive to Disneyland after dinner.
Saturday rolled around and I felt like we had plenty of time. We still had to pack our bags, load the car, and make mashed potatoes and Brussels sprouts for dinner, all before 4pm. In retrospect I probably should have done the packing on Friday. By the time dinner rolled around I was ready for a nap! But we made it and finally arrived at my dad's house for our annual "Saturday after" Thanksgiving round 2. This is more of a pot luck event. My dad and Vicki make the turkey and stuffing (and some other odds and ends depending on the year) and everyone else brings something to share. I'm always on duty for the mashed potatoes and Brussels sprouts, which I could pretty much make in my sleep these days. It is a wonderful event. Little miss Bella enjoyed herself immensely. After dinner and dessert Nick, Bella and I hit the road and drove to Anaheim where we were meeting my sister Sarah and her family for Mia's first visit to Disneyland! More on that to come...
Saturday, December 3, 2011
A little behind...
I know I have some major updating to do... It's been far too long between posts, but I've been busy! Between holidays and a trip to Disney and my birthday I have been quite occupied. I will give each topic its due though, I promise... Probably not till Sunday at the earliest however... And more likely next week! Any topic requests? I promise Thanksgiving (one and two), my birthday (day and party), and Disney. I guess I'll add some cancer updates in there too! =) Not a lot in that world at the moment though (amen to that!) so it will be brief. It's been a good couple of weeks to say the least.
xoxo
xoxo
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Happy thanksgiving!
What a year it has been. I have walked through the fire, thoroughly forged into the person I am today. Before I get too deep into my thanksgiving post (the pinnacle of my gratitude project) I did have a daily gratitude yesterday. I was grateful for my doctor (breast surgeon) dr Leah Kelley. She was the first cancer doctor I met with after receiving my diagnosis and she is a blessing to the medical field and everyone who comes into contact with her. She is kind and funny and comforting and supportive and smart. So many adjectives and I still wouldn't do her justice. She makes me know that everything will be okay.
Thanksgiving. The day we take every year to gorge ourselves on food, while watching parades and football on tv. At the very least, these activities happen in the embrace of our friends and family. Hopefully this is the day we take to remember how blessed we are. To reflect on the many things in our lives to be thankful for. Although admittedly the food and tv is still a part of my day, I am marinating in a wonderful cocktail of the many, many blessings in my life right now, and over this past year.
This year has been hard. I've faced one of the scariest things someone can face in their life. I've been stripped down, left raw in my being, wondering if there is a tomorrow to worry about.
At the same time that I walked through the fire, I had my life and community illuminated in its brilliance. Very few people get to experience the depth of love and support of their community. I was lucky enough to experience this. From gifts, to help, to cleaning, to cooking, to walking my dogs, to thoughts and prayers. I have been beyond blessed this year. This is all in addition to my adorable, sweet daughter, my wonderful husband, my friends and my family, being the wonderful people they are.
I have a wonderful life. As hard as this year has been, it has been a gift. I am grateful for my life.
Thanksgiving. The day we take every year to gorge ourselves on food, while watching parades and football on tv. At the very least, these activities happen in the embrace of our friends and family. Hopefully this is the day we take to remember how blessed we are. To reflect on the many things in our lives to be thankful for. Although admittedly the food and tv is still a part of my day, I am marinating in a wonderful cocktail of the many, many blessings in my life right now, and over this past year.
This year has been hard. I've faced one of the scariest things someone can face in their life. I've been stripped down, left raw in my being, wondering if there is a tomorrow to worry about.
At the same time that I walked through the fire, I had my life and community illuminated in its brilliance. Very few people get to experience the depth of love and support of their community. I was lucky enough to experience this. From gifts, to help, to cleaning, to cooking, to walking my dogs, to thoughts and prayers. I have been beyond blessed this year. This is all in addition to my adorable, sweet daughter, my wonderful husband, my friends and my family, being the wonderful people they are.
I have a wonderful life. As hard as this year has been, it has been a gift. I am grateful for my life.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Relief
I have had a migraine for the last three days. Gratefully it hasn't been the debilitating sort of migraine for most of that time, but still, it has been constant. I've taken every pill I could think of and had around the house, tried hot and cold, sleep, dark, water, and food. Although some things helped, nothing took it away. Today I went in for a massage in an effort to try another tactic. I enjoyed an excellent massage that left me feeling like jello, and it worked! The headache returned after about an hour, but then it went away again. I was starting to worry that I would have to take myself to urgent care tomorrow just for a stupid prescription for migraine medication (since I still do not have a primary care physician and my cancer doctors don't have expertise in migraine meds). This experience made my gratitude for today easy!
Today, I am grateful for massages. =)
Today, I am grateful for massages. =)
Monday, November 21, 2011
Busy Bee
I've been a little behind on my posting! I knew it had been a couple of days, but didn't realize it had been four days! Yikes! I've been busy, playing with my family at the Discovery Museum, dress shopping in the city for my birthday dress and Bella's Christmas dress (success! thank you Lorraine!!!), and just generally keeping busy. On top of all of this, Bella has been teething like crazy and as a result not sleeping well at all. Poor girl has been waking up every hour or two at night crying inconsolably. Unfortunately that means I have not been sleeping either. This finally caught up with me last night when I was hit with a migraine. Gratefully my mom let me sleep this morning which helped quite a bit. The headache still isn't totally gone, but tomorrow I will go back to my clinic for an appointment, so if I need something stronger I'm sure they can help me. Speaking of being grateful, my missed gratitudes! =)
Friday I was grateful for delicious, fresh, and local food! Nick and I had an impromptu dinner at The Girl and The Fig in Sonoma. We had been in the area to pick up some wine from a wine sale and Nick's mom had offered to watch Bella so we could have dinner while we were out. It was early so even without reservations (on a Friday night no less) we ate at this well known and fantastic restaurant. The food was so delicious, and much of the produce comes from their garden in the back of the restaurant, and local farms. I had a cheese course to start and realized I'm a bit of a local cheese snob! Several of the items on their menu are cheeses that I can get easily at any of our local grocery stores. Lucky us. I was grateful for the amazing food that is available to us locally, both in restaurants and to buy at markets year round.
Saturday I was grateful for resources. We aren't wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, but we are able to live a comfortable life. We have a nice house in a nice neighborhood, good food in our fridge and cupboards, and the option to do fun things. I was able to decide to join the Discovery Museum on Saturday when I saw that it was a really fun way to entertain kids. As a stay at home mom, it is helpful to have regular activities. We already belong to the SF Zoo, but it is nice to have an option on this side of the bridge. I feel very lucky that I have options like this.
Sunday I was grateful for how easy it is to take Isabella out in public. She is such a well behaved toddler. Bella, Lorraine and I went shopping for several hours. Bella hadn't had a nap and didn't melt down at all. She sat through lunch at the Neiman Marcus Rotunda, only getting a little squirmy at the end (and considering she was in a booster and not a high chair, this was particularly impressive). She happily played while we shopped, telling us what was "pretty" throughout. I feel very lucky to have such a happy girl who thrives on stimulating environments.
Today I am grateful for Nick. He is at the tail end of planning my birthday/ cancer free party and hitting the slightly stressful point of it all. It has become very clear how much pride he is taking in planning this event. This is all after the last, well honestly two years, of supporting me through pregnancy, breastfeeding, new mommy crazy, and finally breast cancer. He hasn't had a full partner for a long time, and yet he is taking extra time and energy from his life to show me how much I am loved. I am a lucky person to call him my friend, my family, my husband.
Friday I was grateful for delicious, fresh, and local food! Nick and I had an impromptu dinner at The Girl and The Fig in Sonoma. We had been in the area to pick up some wine from a wine sale and Nick's mom had offered to watch Bella so we could have dinner while we were out. It was early so even without reservations (on a Friday night no less) we ate at this well known and fantastic restaurant. The food was so delicious, and much of the produce comes from their garden in the back of the restaurant, and local farms. I had a cheese course to start and realized I'm a bit of a local cheese snob! Several of the items on their menu are cheeses that I can get easily at any of our local grocery stores. Lucky us. I was grateful for the amazing food that is available to us locally, both in restaurants and to buy at markets year round.
Saturday I was grateful for resources. We aren't wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, but we are able to live a comfortable life. We have a nice house in a nice neighborhood, good food in our fridge and cupboards, and the option to do fun things. I was able to decide to join the Discovery Museum on Saturday when I saw that it was a really fun way to entertain kids. As a stay at home mom, it is helpful to have regular activities. We already belong to the SF Zoo, but it is nice to have an option on this side of the bridge. I feel very lucky that I have options like this.
Sunday I was grateful for how easy it is to take Isabella out in public. She is such a well behaved toddler. Bella, Lorraine and I went shopping for several hours. Bella hadn't had a nap and didn't melt down at all. She sat through lunch at the Neiman Marcus Rotunda, only getting a little squirmy at the end (and considering she was in a booster and not a high chair, this was particularly impressive). She happily played while we shopped, telling us what was "pretty" throughout. I feel very lucky to have such a happy girl who thrives on stimulating environments.
Today I am grateful for Nick. He is at the tail end of planning my birthday/ cancer free party and hitting the slightly stressful point of it all. It has become very clear how much pride he is taking in planning this event. This is all after the last, well honestly two years, of supporting me through pregnancy, breastfeeding, new mommy crazy, and finally breast cancer. He hasn't had a full partner for a long time, and yet he is taking extra time and energy from his life to show me how much I am loved. I am a lucky person to call him my friend, my family, my husband.
Sharing Stories
Earlier today I received an email from another young cancer survivor, Heather Von St James. She was diagnosed with mesothelioma (cancer of the lung lining- aka the asbestos cancer) when she was 36 years old, and her daughter was 3 1/2 months old. She is now six years out from her battle. She is sharing her story in an effort to raise awareness and support for young parents diagnosed with cancer. You can read her story here. I hope you will share her story, as well as my own and the others I have shared on this blog with anyone else you know dealing with this horrible disease. It is a comfort to know you are not alone.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Re-Acclimating
A full week down of no cancer treatments. It's been pretty great. I've jumped straight into being a full time mommy again. It has been wonderful (albeit exhausting). Bella is the most wonderful little person and I am so blessed to watch her develop every day. I took a few hours to spend time with my girlfriend Angela and her wonderful new baby girl, which reminded me even more how much I love being a mommy. I had a girls dinner with two of my closest girlfriends and our moms. Most importantly, I've spent time just being, and enjoying discovering what life is going to look like on the other side of the big C.
Tuesday, I was grateful for the freedom to just be. I keep trying to do all the time, to "catch up" with things that have fallen by the wayside over the last many months. Tuesday was a day of changing my mind to accommodate how I was feeling in the moment. And that felt very luxurious.
Wednesday I was grateful to be a mommy. As much as I am grateful to be Isabella's mommy, spending time with my friends three week old baby girl showed me how deeply my momminess has filled into my being. I appreciate the sweetness, and amazing possibilities of babies and children now on such a profound level. I can hold a crying baby and not think "oh my gosh, what am I doing wrong? How do I stop/fix/help this?" I can sit in the moment and know that sometimes babies cry, and just need to be held a little bit longer, or cuddled a little bit more securely. That's pretty awesome. And I do mean full of awe. =)
Today I am grateful for girlfriends. I had a good chunk of my young adult life where girlfriends were hard to come by. I struggled as my high school friends and I grew apart and I had yet to connect with new friends in my adult life. Today I reflected on the many close girlfriends I have in my life, both old and new, who I get to share my life with. As we start families and get married and work in the theatre, we get to support each other the way only girlfriends can, share in each others successes, and lift each other out of the dark. Even luckier, I get to count the women in my family as girlfriends too. Totally blessed.
Tuesday, I was grateful for the freedom to just be. I keep trying to do all the time, to "catch up" with things that have fallen by the wayside over the last many months. Tuesday was a day of changing my mind to accommodate how I was feeling in the moment. And that felt very luxurious.
Wednesday I was grateful to be a mommy. As much as I am grateful to be Isabella's mommy, spending time with my friends three week old baby girl showed me how deeply my momminess has filled into my being. I appreciate the sweetness, and amazing possibilities of babies and children now on such a profound level. I can hold a crying baby and not think "oh my gosh, what am I doing wrong? How do I stop/fix/help this?" I can sit in the moment and know that sometimes babies cry, and just need to be held a little bit longer, or cuddled a little bit more securely. That's pretty awesome. And I do mean full of awe. =)
Today I am grateful for girlfriends. I had a good chunk of my young adult life where girlfriends were hard to come by. I struggled as my high school friends and I grew apart and I had yet to connect with new friends in my adult life. Today I reflected on the many close girlfriends I have in my life, both old and new, who I get to share my life with. As we start families and get married and work in the theatre, we get to support each other the way only girlfriends can, share in each others successes, and lift each other out of the dark. Even luckier, I get to count the women in my family as girlfriends too. Totally blessed.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Holiday Season
I love this time of year. Christmas is going up everywhere and Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Most everyone I know, with only a couple of exceptions (love you Lindsay!), complains about how it isn't even Thanksgiving and stores are putting Christmas up just so they can sell more crap. I know this is true but right now is when I most thoroughly feel the holiday spirit. There is no Christmas stress yet (buying gifts, figuring out what needs to happen for the holiday events, etc) but the sparkle is everywhere.
I love Christmas music, and decorations, and lights, and smells, and even the horribly wonderful made-for-tv Christmas movies (like Santa Baby, and Holiday in Handcuffs and The Christmas Wish- NPH!!!). These things all make me happy. I feel more generous, happier, more thoughtful, and grateful for my blessings. The colors, sights, sounds, smells and crispness to the air all put an extra spring in my step. I truly can't wait until Isabella can truly understand the holiday season and join me in all the fun.
Today, I am grateful for the sweetness of the holiday season.
I love Christmas music, and decorations, and lights, and smells, and even the horribly wonderful made-for-tv Christmas movies (like Santa Baby, and Holiday in Handcuffs and The Christmas Wish- NPH!!!). These things all make me happy. I feel more generous, happier, more thoughtful, and grateful for my blessings. The colors, sights, sounds, smells and crispness to the air all put an extra spring in my step. I truly can't wait until Isabella can truly understand the holiday season and join me in all the fun.
Today, I am grateful for the sweetness of the holiday season.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Blessings
I am so blessed. I say it over and over but the brilliant part is that I keep being reminded of this fact. I have really been enjoying my first three days as a "free" woman. I've done such crazy things as vacuuming, going to dinner at my sisters, helping throw a baby shower, and going to the beach with my family! I know- you are all jealous at the exciting life I lead. =) Honestly though, to be able to do these things without requiring a three shot espresso drink to make it through, it is exciting.
Today was a wonderful day. I woke up to my sweet girl, who slept through the night (amazing!!!) saying "up, up, up"... Usually she cries to be retrieved from her crib, so that was a sweet development. Then after we snuggled in bed and watched the mickey mouse clubhouse (no judgement- an extra half hour in bed is really so welcomed), we went out to brunch with Nick's mom Lorraine. Eggs Benedict and a nap later, it was time to get out of the house. Nick decided we should pack up the dogs and head out to the beach. It was a BEAUTIFUL day. Seriously, I don't think we could have hand picked a nicer day. Here's a photo of me and my favorite girl taking in some positive ions.
I'm not back to my full energy level, though frankly its been so long since I've been at full energy (two years- pregnant, newborn, cancer) that I don't even know what that actually feels like anymore. I have decided though that now is the time to start pushing through and do the things I've been wanting to. That means getting a workout routine incorporated into my life, finding and doing fun activities with Bella (like the zoo, discovery museum, the beach, etc), cooking, and getting my housekeeping back under control. I am totally confident that I will get there and find my stride with all of these things.
On to my gratitudes. =) I'm determined to stick with this. It really would be easier though if I was actually posting each day! C'est la vie...
Thursday, I was grateful for my freedom from cancer treatment! As much as I appreciate that the treatment has done its job and I am cancer free, I am so grateful to have my life back. Eight and a half months of various medical treatments has worn me down. But I am done!!!!
Friday I was grateful for my new vacuum. Is that sad? Anyhow I strongly disliked our old vacuum and we indulged in a new one that is really nice. I vacuumed Friday and it was so nice.
Saturday I was grateful for old friends. I have a number of people in my life that have known me as far back as elementary school. It is truly a blessing to have friends that know your history, your family and the core of who you are and have always been.
Today I am grateful for the beautiful place that we live. To get to go to the beach in November, and have absolute perfect weather- not too hot, not too cold, not too windy- is one of the many reasons they call this paradise. My daughter gets to have the sand in her toes and the ocean at her side while the sun shines down on her. How lucky are we?
Life is good.
Today was a wonderful day. I woke up to my sweet girl, who slept through the night (amazing!!!) saying "up, up, up"... Usually she cries to be retrieved from her crib, so that was a sweet development. Then after we snuggled in bed and watched the mickey mouse clubhouse (no judgement- an extra half hour in bed is really so welcomed), we went out to brunch with Nick's mom Lorraine. Eggs Benedict and a nap later, it was time to get out of the house. Nick decided we should pack up the dogs and head out to the beach. It was a BEAUTIFUL day. Seriously, I don't think we could have hand picked a nicer day. Here's a photo of me and my favorite girl taking in some positive ions.
I'm not back to my full energy level, though frankly its been so long since I've been at full energy (two years- pregnant, newborn, cancer) that I don't even know what that actually feels like anymore. I have decided though that now is the time to start pushing through and do the things I've been wanting to. That means getting a workout routine incorporated into my life, finding and doing fun activities with Bella (like the zoo, discovery museum, the beach, etc), cooking, and getting my housekeeping back under control. I am totally confident that I will get there and find my stride with all of these things.
On to my gratitudes. =) I'm determined to stick with this. It really would be easier though if I was actually posting each day! C'est la vie...
Thursday, I was grateful for my freedom from cancer treatment! As much as I appreciate that the treatment has done its job and I am cancer free, I am so grateful to have my life back. Eight and a half months of various medical treatments has worn me down. But I am done!!!!
Friday I was grateful for my new vacuum. Is that sad? Anyhow I strongly disliked our old vacuum and we indulged in a new one that is really nice. I vacuumed Friday and it was so nice.
Saturday I was grateful for old friends. I have a number of people in my life that have known me as far back as elementary school. It is truly a blessing to have friends that know your history, your family and the core of who you are and have always been.
Today I am grateful for the beautiful place that we live. To get to go to the beach in November, and have absolute perfect weather- not too hot, not too cold, not too windy- is one of the many reasons they call this paradise. My daughter gets to have the sand in her toes and the ocean at her side while the sun shines down on her. How lucky are we?
Life is good.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Crossing the finish line
Tomorrow is my last day of radiation. Officially. I hardly believe it, but my doctor isn't even in the office tomorrow, so she can't decide tomorrow to change it. =) It is difficult to wrap my brain around being done. I've spent the last eight months of my life moving from one phase, to the next, to the next to manage this diagnosis. Now, suddenly, I'm done. Now it is time to mentally and emotionally heal and truly move on from this strange, unexpected blip in my life.
I've missed some gratitudes this week, but only in blog land, so I will catch up.
Monday I was grateful for Isabella. Of course I am grateful for her every day, but it was one of those days where my heart sang extra loud for her. She gets sweeter and sweeter every single day and I am so very lucky to be her mom.
Yesterday I was grateful for Nick's mom Lorraine. She has been so wonderful through this whole process. Well, since I came into her life honestly. I hear horror stories all the time about mother-in-laws and think how truly blessed I have been and am. Anyhow what inspired me yesterday to make it the day of gratitude for Lorraine was her phone call yesterday evening. She was calling to discuss my birthday party with Nick (which she is very involved in helping to plan), to offer to come over tonight to take Bella for the night (giving both Nick and I a night off), and to ask if she can take me dress shopping for my party. She is just constantly amazing me with her generosity of all resources, most particularly her time, energy and spirit. I am lucky to have her in my life, and extra lucky to call her family.
Today I am grateful to be through the tough first year of motherhood. Although certainly we still have difficult days, generally speaking Bella gets more and more fun, and "easier" each and every day. I was reminded how hard those early days were when I spoke to a girlfriend who has a two and a half week old today. It is a magical time that I miss regularly, but man it is hard. So today I count my blessings that we are through those scary, uncertain, overwhelming days.
I've missed some gratitudes this week, but only in blog land, so I will catch up.
Monday I was grateful for Isabella. Of course I am grateful for her every day, but it was one of those days where my heart sang extra loud for her. She gets sweeter and sweeter every single day and I am so very lucky to be her mom.
Yesterday I was grateful for Nick's mom Lorraine. She has been so wonderful through this whole process. Well, since I came into her life honestly. I hear horror stories all the time about mother-in-laws and think how truly blessed I have been and am. Anyhow what inspired me yesterday to make it the day of gratitude for Lorraine was her phone call yesterday evening. She was calling to discuss my birthday party with Nick (which she is very involved in helping to plan), to offer to come over tonight to take Bella for the night (giving both Nick and I a night off), and to ask if she can take me dress shopping for my party. She is just constantly amazing me with her generosity of all resources, most particularly her time, energy and spirit. I am lucky to have her in my life, and extra lucky to call her family.
Today I am grateful to be through the tough first year of motherhood. Although certainly we still have difficult days, generally speaking Bella gets more and more fun, and "easier" each and every day. I was reminded how hard those early days were when I spoke to a girlfriend who has a two and a half week old today. It is a magical time that I miss regularly, but man it is hard. So today I count my blessings that we are through those scary, uncertain, overwhelming days.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
The Musicals Man
Last night I performed in the annual benefit for the Mountain Play, this year titled "The Musicals Man". Next year the Mountain Play will be producing The Music Man, and it will be the last year of current artistic director Jim Dunn (hence the title). Jim has directed the mountain play for the last three decades. Crazy. Anyhow it was a wonderful night full of music and amazingly talented people.
The mountain play is a very special family to be a part of. It has been around for 99 years (well this is the 99th year) so there is quite a legacy of people who have been a part of the productions. I myself performed in six straight years, though haven't joined the fun for the last four. This years celebration of Jim's thirty years on the mountain really showcased the family that is the mountain play- the many people that have come before, and those who will come after. It was very special to be a part of.
Today, I am grateful to be a part of the wonderful organization the mountain play, that has created an artistic family and allows me to continuing sharing my musical heart with the world at least once a year.
The mountain play is a very special family to be a part of. It has been around for 99 years (well this is the 99th year) so there is quite a legacy of people who have been a part of the productions. I myself performed in six straight years, though haven't joined the fun for the last four. This years celebration of Jim's thirty years on the mountain really showcased the family that is the mountain play- the many people that have come before, and those who will come after. It was very special to be a part of.
Today, I am grateful to be a part of the wonderful organization the mountain play, that has created an artistic family and allows me to continuing sharing my musical heart with the world at least once a year.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
The end is in sight!
I went the full week without any treatments at all. The skin in my armpit was the problem at first (it peeled and was raw and angry) but then on Friday when that had healed enough, the area under my breast was too irritated. The good news though is that I will be treated no matter what on Monday and will finish on Wednesday or Thursday. If my skin hasn't healed enough we will skip my last full treatment and go straight to the boost, which doesn't hit the problematic areas, and finish Wednesday. If I'm healed, we will do my final treatment, then the boosts, and finish on Thursday. So the end is in sight again! With that- to my gratitude for the day.
Today I am grateful for my mom. Last night she told me that she was planning on taking Isabella this morning so that nick could sleep (I had rehearsal). No one asked her to do this, she simply saw the need and offered. This is one example of how she has been through this entire process. It is rarely easy for an adult child and their parent to live together, but we have done amazingly well and I am so incredibly grateful to have had her through this process. It's nice to know your mommy is there especially wen you're not well. :)
Today I am grateful for my mom. Last night she told me that she was planning on taking Isabella this morning so that nick could sleep (I had rehearsal). No one asked her to do this, she simply saw the need and offered. This is one example of how she has been through this entire process. It is rarely easy for an adult child and their parent to live together, but we have done amazingly well and I am so incredibly grateful to have had her through this process. It's nice to know your mommy is there especially wen you're not well. :)
Friday, November 4, 2011
Continuing Gratitude
Well I missed a day so today there will be two gratitudes.
This week has really been a challenging start to my gratitude project. My skin hurts, I'm tired, and the light at the end of the tunnel keeps moving away from me! But what better time to practice gratitude than when you're feeling frustrated?
Yesterday I was grateful for music. Music can be cathartic, lift your spirit, soothe your soul, bring people together, and encourage change. Plus, it makes my baby happy!
Today I am grateful for my dad. He has been so supportive through this process. Particularly through these last weeks when I've struggled so much with asking for the help I've needed, he has continually answered me with "whatever you need". I am so grateful for that.
This week has really been a challenging start to my gratitude project. My skin hurts, I'm tired, and the light at the end of the tunnel keeps moving away from me! But what better time to practice gratitude than when you're feeling frustrated?
Yesterday I was grateful for music. Music can be cathartic, lift your spirit, soothe your soul, bring people together, and encourage change. Plus, it makes my baby happy!
Today I am grateful for my dad. He has been so supportive through this process. Particularly through these last weeks when I've struggled so much with asking for the help I've needed, he has continually answered me with "whatever you need". I am so grateful for that.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Disappointment
I have been fighting this battle now for eight months. I have felt very lucky that nothing has really delayed any of my treatments. I sailed through chemo with no delays. I scheduled my surgery and barrelled right through. It took awhile to have my drains removed, but it didn't actually delay my radiation or my tissue expander filling. I started radiation and managed to fly through five weeks of treatment without much effect other than a little fatigue.
This past week has officially thrown me off that lucky trend. My skin has gone from slightly irritated to complete radiation burn. There are two spots that have peeled and are now open, raw skin. This is where my doctor draws the line. It is too damaged to treat. I haven't had a treatment since Monday. In case you've forgotten, I was supposed to have my last treatment tomorrow. Now I'm taking tomorrow off completely (not going to the clinic just to be turned away for the fourth day in a row). This is in hopes that my skin will heal enough to have my treatment on Friday. Assuming I am able to be treated on Friday, and keep pace, I will finish on Wednesday of next week.
I'm pretty disappointed to say the least. When I finish these treatments, I am done with treatment. So to have that end so close, and yet so far, has been a tough pill to swallow. But I'm trying to keep my attitude of gratitude for the month, so here we go.
Today I am grateful to have a doctor who genuinely cares about both my immediate, and long term health and well being. I know that I am being cared for in the best possible way and have an excellent team working for me. Not everyone can say that, and I am grateful that I can!
This past week has officially thrown me off that lucky trend. My skin has gone from slightly irritated to complete radiation burn. There are two spots that have peeled and are now open, raw skin. This is where my doctor draws the line. It is too damaged to treat. I haven't had a treatment since Monday. In case you've forgotten, I was supposed to have my last treatment tomorrow. Now I'm taking tomorrow off completely (not going to the clinic just to be turned away for the fourth day in a row). This is in hopes that my skin will heal enough to have my treatment on Friday. Assuming I am able to be treated on Friday, and keep pace, I will finish on Wednesday of next week.
I'm pretty disappointed to say the least. When I finish these treatments, I am done with treatment. So to have that end so close, and yet so far, has been a tough pill to swallow. But I'm trying to keep my attitude of gratitude for the month, so here we go.
Today I am grateful to have a doctor who genuinely cares about both my immediate, and long term health and well being. I know that I am being cared for in the best possible way and have an excellent team working for me. Not everyone can say that, and I am grateful that I can!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Gratitude Project
Something online inspired me. I want to have a "gratitude project" this month. My plan is to post each day with something I am feeling grateful for. There will be no order to it as I will just post about whatever I am inspired to be grateful for that day. No repeats though- there has to be something new each day.
To start the month off, I am grateful for my family, as a whole (individuals will likely get their own days too). I feel so lucky to be a part of such a wonderful group of people who are all so loving and supportive. Best of all, generally speaking, I think we all actually like each other, which is rare in families I've found. So we get to spend time with one another and actually enjoy it!
Today, I am grateful for my family.
To start the month off, I am grateful for my family, as a whole (individuals will likely get their own days too). I feel so lucky to be a part of such a wonderful group of people who are all so loving and supportive. Best of all, generally speaking, I think we all actually like each other, which is rare in families I've found. So we get to spend time with one another and actually enjoy it!
Today, I am grateful for my family.
Monday, October 31, 2011
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