We must be having fun because time is flying! This Friday Bella will be 6 weeks already! I have no idea where the time has gone. Slowly but surely we are figuring things out. She is sleeping a little bit more regularly and growing each and every day. I'm starting to get the hang of her cues and what they mean, making it easier to manage her fussiness. My anxiety is starting to return, making me a little nervous that I still may deal with some version of post-partum. But I will cross that bridge when I come to it I suppose. No sense in focusing on something out of my control at this point!
Back to the important stuff though- Bella of course! She is getting more interactive each day. Her best time is usually in the morning around 9 or 10 or so. That is when she is usually awake and happy. Evenings she tends to be fussy, but overall she is a great baby. I really couldn't love her more. Life as a mom is suiting me much better than I ever thought it could!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Belly ache
Poor Bella had her first real belly ache last night. Several hours of comfort eating, fussing and ultimately screaming told us the poor girl was hurting. Finally at about 4 am she had been comforted and relaxed and finally fell asleep. It made for a very long night for this mommy but I just felt awful for her. I keep going over the foods I ate that might have done it but I cant think of what it might be! Hopefully we can avoid it again for a good long time though! And hopefully we get a solid afternoon nap in too!!!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Adjusting
Last week was probably the hardest week of my life so far. Bella was definitely going through a growth spurt which meant wanting to eat constantly and zero sleep for me. I admit- Tuesday was not my only breakdown.
I think one of the toughest parts is wanting to do what you believe is "best" for your baby but that is the one thing that is making you lose it. Those "shoulds" will nail you every time.
Any how the last few days have been much better. Nick really stepped up over the weekend after finding me in tears on Friday night. I got some sleep thanks to this and was able to regroup. I'm also back on track with the breastfeeding train. It can still be challenging at times but mentally I have a little more fortitude.
I'm also on track with my healing. I might actually start to be able to create some amount of "normal" for our days. Of course right now all I want to do during the day is sleep when my little sleeping beauty is sleeping. Still trying to listen to my instincts though. So far they seem to be steering me correctly.
So there you have it. The highs and lows continue as I suspect they will for the rest of my life!
I think one of the toughest parts is wanting to do what you believe is "best" for your baby but that is the one thing that is making you lose it. Those "shoulds" will nail you every time.
Any how the last few days have been much better. Nick really stepped up over the weekend after finding me in tears on Friday night. I got some sleep thanks to this and was able to regroup. I'm also back on track with the breastfeeding train. It can still be challenging at times but mentally I have a little more fortitude.
I'm also on track with my healing. I might actually start to be able to create some amount of "normal" for our days. Of course right now all I want to do during the day is sleep when my little sleeping beauty is sleeping. Still trying to listen to my instincts though. So far they seem to be steering me correctly.
So there you have it. The highs and lows continue as I suspect they will for the rest of my life!
Friday, August 13, 2010
Settling in
It's been a crazy ride to say the least. Week one was full of the euphoria of our baby girl. Truly the sleep deprivation wasn't so bad (actually Isabella was sleeping quite well considering) and I was just completely in love with our little family. Week two continued with the euphoria though was dampened by an unfortunate bladder infection. I couldn't believe how badly I hurt (worse than the first week of recovery) and finally went to the doctor. With Nick going back to work at the end of that week I needed to start feeling semi-functional so that I could take care of Isabella on my own! I went to the doctor and she said everything was healing great, but it turned out I had a bladder infection. So a week of antibiotics it was, and I started back on the road to recovery.
So here we are, week three. It has been admittedly tough. Nick went back to work last Friday, so this was my first week on my own. Murphy's law, it is also when Isabella decided that she needed to start eating constantly. Tuesday I lost it. I hadn't gotten much sleep for two straight nights and couldn't stop crying. I called my mom and when she asked me how I was, I couldn't even get it out without bawling. So lucky me, my mom came over to help me. There wasn't a lot of "help" that I needed, but just having someone else there that loves my little girl as much as I do makes it much easier to manage. My sister also came to visit (and brought flowers knowing I was having a tough day) and my dad came too as he was running an errand with my sister. It was probably the first time since my parents divorce that the four of us were in one room together without it being a larger event with many more people. It was actually really nice and reminded me of the way my family once was.
So I recovered from Tuesday and managed well on Wednesday. I even went out to lunch with my sister and niece! Of course I was so wiped out from the outing that I spent Thursday mostly in bed with Bella relaxing. It was a good day and I had hope that perhaps her growth spurt, or whatever neediness was going on, might be over. No such luck. Last night she woke up at the appropriate interval around 4:30am. I fed her and thought surely I'd be going back to sleep. Ha! Not quite. Isabella decided she needed to eat essentially for two hours straight. Yep come 6:30 I was thinking we were in a whole heap of hurt. But then she fell asleep finally and I thought just maybe we could sleep in. Sadly, the pattern continued for the rest of the day. Isabella didn't go more than 2 hours without eating until our last feeding around 7pm. I tried to nap, and got a couple of breaks, but not enough. By the time Nick got home I was in tears again. He took her so that I could take a shower. Then I fed her and the two of them went to the bedroom for a nap. Go figure, it has now been 2.5 hours and he's getting the good nap!
Since I couldn't quite nap again I decided to try and do something to make me feel "normal". I cleaned the kitchen and cooked dinner. I don't think I've ever enjoyed those tasks as much as I did tonight.
Now I am bracing myself for another long night. Who knows, she could surprise me. I may go wake her up soon to make sure she isn't starting the night out super hungry. I have been given the advice to feed more frequently during the day to ensure a longer break at night, so I may try to keep up with that. I wish I had been able to sleep when Nick laid down with her, but my mental health is probably better having done some "normal" activities.
I'll try to keep up with my blog a little better, but as you can imagine, when you have a child attached to you constantly it is quite difficult to do just about anything. I'm struggling just to make sure I eat during the day! At the end of the day though, that little girl's smiles (whether it is gas or not!) warms my heart and I know it is worth it. I just hope she starts sleeping a bit more soon! =)
So here we are, week three. It has been admittedly tough. Nick went back to work last Friday, so this was my first week on my own. Murphy's law, it is also when Isabella decided that she needed to start eating constantly. Tuesday I lost it. I hadn't gotten much sleep for two straight nights and couldn't stop crying. I called my mom and when she asked me how I was, I couldn't even get it out without bawling. So lucky me, my mom came over to help me. There wasn't a lot of "help" that I needed, but just having someone else there that loves my little girl as much as I do makes it much easier to manage. My sister also came to visit (and brought flowers knowing I was having a tough day) and my dad came too as he was running an errand with my sister. It was probably the first time since my parents divorce that the four of us were in one room together without it being a larger event with many more people. It was actually really nice and reminded me of the way my family once was.
So I recovered from Tuesday and managed well on Wednesday. I even went out to lunch with my sister and niece! Of course I was so wiped out from the outing that I spent Thursday mostly in bed with Bella relaxing. It was a good day and I had hope that perhaps her growth spurt, or whatever neediness was going on, might be over. No such luck. Last night she woke up at the appropriate interval around 4:30am. I fed her and thought surely I'd be going back to sleep. Ha! Not quite. Isabella decided she needed to eat essentially for two hours straight. Yep come 6:30 I was thinking we were in a whole heap of hurt. But then she fell asleep finally and I thought just maybe we could sleep in. Sadly, the pattern continued for the rest of the day. Isabella didn't go more than 2 hours without eating until our last feeding around 7pm. I tried to nap, and got a couple of breaks, but not enough. By the time Nick got home I was in tears again. He took her so that I could take a shower. Then I fed her and the two of them went to the bedroom for a nap. Go figure, it has now been 2.5 hours and he's getting the good nap!
Since I couldn't quite nap again I decided to try and do something to make me feel "normal". I cleaned the kitchen and cooked dinner. I don't think I've ever enjoyed those tasks as much as I did tonight.
Now I am bracing myself for another long night. Who knows, she could surprise me. I may go wake her up soon to make sure she isn't starting the night out super hungry. I have been given the advice to feed more frequently during the day to ensure a longer break at night, so I may try to keep up with that. I wish I had been able to sleep when Nick laid down with her, but my mental health is probably better having done some "normal" activities.
I'll try to keep up with my blog a little better, but as you can imagine, when you have a child attached to you constantly it is quite difficult to do just about anything. I'm struggling just to make sure I eat during the day! At the end of the day though, that little girl's smiles (whether it is gas or not!) warms my heart and I know it is worth it. I just hope she starts sleeping a bit more soon! =)
Monday, August 2, 2010
Week One
After four nights in the hospital- two for induction and two for recovery, it was a HUGE relief to finally come home. Nick and I both teared up a little on the car ride home as the reality of our beautiful new life settled in. Early in my pregnancy I had a conversation with a girlfriend about how we just couldn't believe that women "forget" pregnancy, labor and delivery as soon as they hold their little ones. Well I can now say that you most definitely do not forget anything. It was 9 months of trials and tribulations and to end that with two days of induction, labor and let's not forget about the fun of recovery post delivery! My point isn't how hard it is, but that it is in fact worth it. It is hard to believe that I made something so, well, perfect. A tiny perfect human life came from that work.
Anyhow, this post is supposed to be about the first week, not how mentally my life has been turned upside down! =)
In the hospital we did pretty well. Isabella was eating well and sleeping well, and was overall a very easy baby. I was struggling a little with recovery thanks to my extra tears, but we were managing well. Once we arrived home I felt confident that things would continue on that same path. Of course, true to her in utero behavior, Isabella just wasn't going to have that! =) The first night home she screamed on and off for about 7 hours. We were on a 20 minute cycle of settling her down and having her work back up again. Ultimately it was that she was hungry and was so worked up she wouldn't or couldn't latch. We finally gave in and gave her an ounce of formula that we luckily had on hand from a freebie bag. I was broken over this. All those hours of screaming and I couldn't feed my baby? I was heartbroken to say the least. But after she had a full tummy and a little rest, I was able to get her to latch on in the morning. We also happened to have a doctors appointment scheduled that day and they brought in the lactation consultant for me.
After that, it felt like we had a new baby. I was given a nipple shield, which essentially turns your breast into a bottle. My shape makes it difficult for my tiny baby's mouth to latch on quickly, and she happens to be very impatient adding to the challenge. So now she has something to latch onto quickly, which usually results in a quick start to the feeding. Unfortunately now I feel a bit tied to it, so the next step as she gets a bit bigger and hopefully a tiny bit more patient will be to ween her off the shield and back onto the breast. But we're taking it one step at a time. Right now I just want to make sure my quickly growing baby is getting everything she needs. And really, she is getting breast milk still which is the most important thing.
Other important things about the first week? She is a great sleeper generally speaking. Sleeps most of the day in fact. She has even given us a couple of long rests, 4.5 hours and last night we even got 6 hours from start of feeding to start of feeding! (So really more like 5+ hours of actual sleep...) I know they say newborns are "supposed" to eat every 0-3 hours, especially on breast milk, but I tried waking her up to feed and found that a fussy baby that has been woken up is just as difficult to feed as one that is too hungry. So I am letting her tell me when she wants to eat and just watching for those early signs. She is a sleeper like her mom and dad so as soon as she starts stirring I know it is time to get her eating. So far mostly so good. We did have one rough night again a couple of nights ago, but it was just a learning experience for us to figure out her signs. She didn't need to eat but was crying like she did. Turned out she was just over tired (we'd had several visits that day) and needed some extra comfort. Her tummy was probably working hard too, which also doesn't help. Once we gave the "happiest baby" method a real effort, we had a sleeping and quiet girl.
Every day is a learning experience. We are definitely still figuring out who this little person is and how she communicates her needs. It's so easy to want to listen to the "experts" about what the baby is "supposed" to be doing, especially when you are struggling. Ultimately though I feel like we have a pretty good connection with Isabella and we are figuring out what she needs. Mostly that is working. =)
Nick goes back to work on Friday so I am trying to enjoy every second of our family time before that happens. I can't believe how fast it all is going! I'm also hoping my body decides to heal itself just a tad quicker so I can feel more functional when it is time for me to be on my own. I guess I can always call in reinforcements if I am just not ready. Thank goodness for our wonderful family and friends! I know there is a safety net if I need it.
With that, I'll leave you with a picture of our beautiful girl.
Anyhow, this post is supposed to be about the first week, not how mentally my life has been turned upside down! =)
In the hospital we did pretty well. Isabella was eating well and sleeping well, and was overall a very easy baby. I was struggling a little with recovery thanks to my extra tears, but we were managing well. Once we arrived home I felt confident that things would continue on that same path. Of course, true to her in utero behavior, Isabella just wasn't going to have that! =) The first night home she screamed on and off for about 7 hours. We were on a 20 minute cycle of settling her down and having her work back up again. Ultimately it was that she was hungry and was so worked up she wouldn't or couldn't latch. We finally gave in and gave her an ounce of formula that we luckily had on hand from a freebie bag. I was broken over this. All those hours of screaming and I couldn't feed my baby? I was heartbroken to say the least. But after she had a full tummy and a little rest, I was able to get her to latch on in the morning. We also happened to have a doctors appointment scheduled that day and they brought in the lactation consultant for me.
After that, it felt like we had a new baby. I was given a nipple shield, which essentially turns your breast into a bottle. My shape makes it difficult for my tiny baby's mouth to latch on quickly, and she happens to be very impatient adding to the challenge. So now she has something to latch onto quickly, which usually results in a quick start to the feeding. Unfortunately now I feel a bit tied to it, so the next step as she gets a bit bigger and hopefully a tiny bit more patient will be to ween her off the shield and back onto the breast. But we're taking it one step at a time. Right now I just want to make sure my quickly growing baby is getting everything she needs. And really, she is getting breast milk still which is the most important thing.
Other important things about the first week? She is a great sleeper generally speaking. Sleeps most of the day in fact. She has even given us a couple of long rests, 4.5 hours and last night we even got 6 hours from start of feeding to start of feeding! (So really more like 5+ hours of actual sleep...) I know they say newborns are "supposed" to eat every 0-3 hours, especially on breast milk, but I tried waking her up to feed and found that a fussy baby that has been woken up is just as difficult to feed as one that is too hungry. So I am letting her tell me when she wants to eat and just watching for those early signs. She is a sleeper like her mom and dad so as soon as she starts stirring I know it is time to get her eating. So far mostly so good. We did have one rough night again a couple of nights ago, but it was just a learning experience for us to figure out her signs. She didn't need to eat but was crying like she did. Turned out she was just over tired (we'd had several visits that day) and needed some extra comfort. Her tummy was probably working hard too, which also doesn't help. Once we gave the "happiest baby" method a real effort, we had a sleeping and quiet girl.
Every day is a learning experience. We are definitely still figuring out who this little person is and how she communicates her needs. It's so easy to want to listen to the "experts" about what the baby is "supposed" to be doing, especially when you are struggling. Ultimately though I feel like we have a pretty good connection with Isabella and we are figuring out what she needs. Mostly that is working. =)
Nick goes back to work on Friday so I am trying to enjoy every second of our family time before that happens. I can't believe how fast it all is going! I'm also hoping my body decides to heal itself just a tad quicker so I can feel more functional when it is time for me to be on my own. I guess I can always call in reinforcements if I am just not ready. Thank goodness for our wonderful family and friends! I know there is a safety net if I need it.
With that, I'll leave you with a picture of our beautiful girl.
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