The scoop

As I mentioned before, I'm struggling with breastfeeding. I thought it was in part the nipple shield I was given, and in part a demanding baby. Well I finally went to the lactation consultant, and although that statement is somewhat true, the actual issue is that my milk supply is insufficient.

As it turns out, with a nipple shield, particularly when it is given to you before your milk even comes in, you are supposed to pump eight times per day! Certainly at least four times per day. Unfortunately no one gave me any guidance at all, particularly that key piece of information. So although my milk did in fact come in, my supply was never properly established.

So now, instead of simply dealing with eliminating the shield, I am working on increasing my supply- and it is work. I haven't been daunted by much in this process but the task at hand is daunting. I need to take supplements three times per day (which must be with food or my stomach is upset- but I frequently don't eat three times a day, or simply just forget the pills), and I have to pump after each nursing session (in addition to supplementing my hungry baby with a bottle since she isn't getting enough from me).

I feel like I need to be three people to accomplish all of this while caring for Isabella, and not leaving myself in the cold either. So far I managed to pump three times yesterday and take my pills once. Not very effective. Today I am hoping to get four pumping sessions in and remember my pills. Of course I'm starting out at a disadvantage because I am finally getting around to taking my final glucose tolerance test which required an early morning visit to the lab, with no food and two hours of waiting. At least I can stop thinking about it after today though!

To support my efforts I have called in the troops this week. Nick is home for the weekend and understands the extra help I need. The my mom, dad and sister are each taking a day during the work week. That buys me five straight days of extra hands, which I'm hoping will get things on course appropriately.

So I'm feeling challenged but have faith that I will get this all figured out. My angel baby is well worth the effort.

Every day...

Every day is a new day. This is my current mantra. I genuinely love motherhood. Far more than I ever expected to. I always knew that I would love my baby, but the tedium of motherhood? I wasn't so sure about that. With that said- this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I'm not talking about the sleep deprivation (though not exactly a walk in the park) or even the anxiety producing worry about the life of this being. No, breastfeeding has been my dragon to slay. We started out great in the hospital, but things have steadily gone downhill from there. I'm still battling and determined to win. With Nick's allergies and my weight issues I want to give Isabella every advantage she can have.

Interestingly enough, everyone I talk to reminds me that if she has to be formula fed, it isn't the worst thing in the world. Good positive feedback to help me not feel like a bad mom, right? Well with "support" like that it is no wonder that the US has the worst rate of continuing to breastfeed. It is hard to do and so easy to give up- especially when everyone tells you it is okay.

So I fight and continue to love my baby. Tonight I realized how I am feeling overall though. It is as though I'm on a backpacking journey. I packed my bag and because of my excitement and joy at the beginning of the journey, it felt nearly weightless. However as I continue on, despite the beauty of the scenery around me, the backpack feels heavier each and
every day. At some point I need to grow stronger or my load needs to lighten, or
I may buckle from the weight. I can't take the pack off and rest awhile so something has got to give.

In happier news, Isabella is smiling and cooing like nobodies business. It certainly makes that load more enjoyable to carry if nothing else!