Giving thanks

This year I am particularly struggling with finding gratitude in my heart. I have a great deal to be thankful for, and yet I continue to be distracted by what I lack. It is proving to be an excellent constant exercise that I must CHOOSE gratitude and happiness. I must see the bounty that is my life, even while simultaneously feeling disillusioned.

So tomorrow I wish you gratitude and peace for whatever your life offers you, good, bad and ugly. Remember that wherever you are, it is, in some way, your choice to be there. Try to own that choice, and love it. Warts and all.

Happy Thanksgiving!

We have a walker!

It is official! Gio is walking! Bad picture but its all I've got for now...

Faith, Trust and Pixie Dust

Well our lives have gotten a little messier in the last week and slightly less beautiful. I'm not going to share details here, at least not yet. However, it is going to affect what I share here so I felt like acknowledging it. I don't know what my point to this post is. Maybe to say it is good to trust your gut and your instincts. They're usually accurate. Also, that we all have our battles, seen and unseen. I truly and completely experienced first hand how true it is that we all live in glass houses, and most of us can't see our own house. So if you can remember to hold your rocks, because things break easily whether you're inside the house, or outside. I am broken wide open at the moment. I know that I will heal back stronger than I was before. I'm sad and angry that I had to be broken again, but it seems that is what it will take for me in my life. This time, it at least feels like I will rise like a phoenix from the ashes I've been buried in. Oh and just in case you are concerned- I do not have cancer again. At least not to my knowledge. =)

Until then, I will survive on Faith, Trust and a little bit of Pixie Dust.

Halloween!

I already gave you pictures, but I realized I should document this Halloween as it was full of firsts!  This year was the first time Bella had full say over her costume.  She wanted to be like her cousin and requested a witch (Elphaba specifically) with a green face and all.  We test ran that at her preschool Halloween party the day before the holiday.  Her school is at a community center so her class all met in their room, lined up and went trick or treating at the rec center's front desk, and around the corner at the fire station.  Then they went back to the classroom for some snacks and play.  It was awfully cute.

Green Faced Elphaba

 

With her impish brother

 

 

Practice trick or treating!

The whole class

 

So scary! =)

On Halloween proper we decided that the all over green make-up was not very comfortable.  Bella went back and forth about it, but after seeing me finish my make up for my day of the dead costume asked for red lips.  I told her she could have red lips only if we didn't have green all over her face.  So she opted for green eyes and a painted on spiderweb and star.  I personally loved it and might use the design myself someday.  Then we went out to my sisters house for a Halloween dinner with their neighbors and finally out for Bella's very first REAL trick or treating.  We went up and down a main street near my sisters house that is so packed on Halloween they might as well shut the road down.  I thought Bella would get nervous with the crowds and having to greet strangers but I was mistaken.  After the first house she realized it was fun and these people gave her candy.  She was a pro by the end of the night.  And asleep before we got home! =)  I'm sure that Gio will get in on the action next year.

pretty witch!

 

dia de los muertos

 

Mommy and handsome devil

 

The whole family!

 

Check out my loot mom!

Surgery

The date is finally set!  Round one of reconstruction is scheduled.  November 19th I will be undergoing an exchange surgery.  This means that I will have my expander removed and an implant placed.  I had really hoped to skip this step and just deal with my (very uncomfortable) expander until I was ready for the DIEP procedure.  If you've been following me since my cancer days, you may recall that the DIEP surgery takes tissue from my abdomen (did someone say tummy tuck?) and build a living tissue breast out of it using microsurgery techniques.  Modern medicine is truly amazing sometimes.  Anyhow that surgery is MAJOR and requires several days in the hospital (ICU actually) as they have to carefully watch the tissue that is moved to ensure that the bloodflow takes and it doesn't go necrotic.  Then of course recovery from there involves my newly reconstructed breast, my abdomen and the other breast which will be lifted to match.  Not exactly something I'm prepared to deal with while I have two young children.  Probably something that will have to wait until they are in school and semi-self sufficient.

While waiting for that surgery didn't sound great either (did I mention how horribly uncomfortable the expander is?) avoiding an "extra" surgery was my preference.  Alas, my expander popped earlier this year.  I thought I might be able to still wait it out, at least for awhile, but I have become increasingly self-conscious of my extreme lopsidedness.  It wasn't good before (I still had to stuff my bra), but now its a joke.  I'm practically concave on the cancer side.  Compared to my still-breast feeding melon of a breast, I look like I'm always turning to my right.

I finally faced my (recent) fear of surgery and will be slaying this reconstruction dragon for now.  Wish me luck!

And for your viewing pleasure- Halloween with the Gauthiers.

Bella Witch- (Elphaba), the prettiest witch I know

The whole family, witch, dia de los muertos, handsome devil and Miami vice 80s something

 

Handsome Devil and Day of the Dead