Friday, September 28, 2012

37 weeks pregnancy questionnaire

How far along? 37 weeks

How big is baby? 19-22 in, 6.5 lbs- by my app on my phone, but probably more like 7 lbs 3 oz!

Total weight gain/loss: Hovering around my prepregnancy weight

Maternity clothes? Yes

Sleep: Every night is different.  Its getting a little harder again.

Best moment this week: Finding out I've begun making progress! 50% effaced, fingertip dilated and baby is a -1 station (nearly engaged!)

Movement: Although still very active and strong, seems to be slowing down a touch.  Hoping this means labor is soon!

Food cravings: None

Food Aversions: none

Gender: All boy

Labor Signs: contractions (some have even been intense or painful) and some cervical progress!

Pregnancy Symptoms: All of the old standards still apply.

Belly Button in or out? In

What I miss: Just the freedom to do what I'd like without my body limiting me.

What I am looking forward to:  The possibility of going in to labor the old fashioned way!

Upcoming appointments/events: Non-stress test on Monday and my next OB appt on Friday.  Doesn't seem like I will have any other extra appointments until this kid comes!

Weekly Wisdom: Trust your body.  It can do what it needs to, and muscle memory is (hopefully) very real!

Milestones: Progress!!!  Oh and my strep B test came back negative too, so that's good news!

Bump Picture: 37 weeks- starting to look a little puffy!  Here's hoping that means I'm close to done!



Tuesday, September 25, 2012

A day at the zoo!

Last year we joined the San Francisco Zoo as annual members.  We decided not to renew this year simply because its a trek into the city with one child, and I can only imagine how it will be with two.  Plus we are members to two other locations, and I feel like that is enough.  I might renew another time, but we'll see.

Anyhow our membership is up at the end of this month and I wanted to make sure we made one last visit before then.  Today was that day.  Bella and I picked up my dad and headed on down to the SF zoo.  It was a chilly day, typical of San Francisco on the water.  But overall it was lovely day.  We walked most of the zoo- the polar bears being the big winner today, and even rode the little puffer steam engine!  Here are some pictures from our day!

Bella and Grandpa sitting on the train!

Bella getting ready for the train to go!

Not the best picture, but mommy and Bella right before the ride began!

Bella and grandpa sitting on the Grizzly statue!

Bella took one look at this statue and asked me to take her picture!  How could I resist???

I mean come on- look at that face!

Bella was reading me this book.  It went "Once upon a time!  There was a tiger named Aga..." and some variations on the theme. =)

Friday, September 21, 2012

36 week questionnaire

How far along? 36 weeks

How big is baby? 19-22 in, 6 lbs- by my app on my phone, but 6 lbs 12 oz by today's ultrasound!

Total weight gain/loss: Pretty consistently showing prepregnancy weight, within a couple of pounds.  Today's OB appointment showed no change from two weeks ago though!

Maternity clothes? Yes

Sleep: Not terrible considering.  I have to drink an entire glass of water (sometimes more) right before bed, so up once or twice to pee seems like a victory to me!

Best moment this week: The sprinkle two weeks ago was for sure a highlight, still need to post about it (though am waiting on pictures to share since none were on a camera I own!), and working out my medical appointments business over the last couple of weeks were a highlight!

Movement: He is very active and strong.  Seems mellow at the same time though.  Not sure how to explain it.  I feel like Bella was much more of a stinker in utero than little boy is but he is for sure stronger!

Food cravings: None

Food Aversions: none

Gender: All boy

Labor Signs: contractions (felt by me and measured on the monitors)

Pregnancy Symptoms: All of the old standards still apply.

Belly Button in or out? In

What I miss: Not contracting with every little effort, not groaning for most movements... Oh I've officially had to give up shoes that tie!

What I am looking forward to:  Hitting full term and hopefully going in to labor!

Upcoming appointments/events: Life has settled down a teeny bit.  I have weekly OB appointments now, and weekly non-stress tests.  I tack on other appointments as needed (endocrinologist, counseling, ultrasounds, etc) but it is much more manageable than it felt even a month ago!

Weekly Wisdom: Not taking "no" for an answer can serve you, but leaving your emotions out of it (if possible) will help immensely.

Milestones: Had my first "weekly" OB appointment and met the new OB at my doctors office!

Bump Picture: This will become a weekly post until baby boy decides it is time to arrive!  Pictures and all!




Thursday, September 20, 2012

The Nursery!

Okay, it's been long enough!  I finally got the nursery to an acceptable showing state today.  The pictures aren't great, but they show enough.  I'm still not 100% satisfied with the overall feel.  I'm feeling the need for something to soften it up a little- maybe a mobile, or something to hang.  But I think it is really nice and sweet while still being boyish.  So here you go! =)

 The view from the doorway.  The bench with cube storage will be getting two blue cubes for each end and the brown will stay in the middle.  The rug game from Overstock, and the curtains are navy blue blackout curtains from Target.  I plan to get a different laundry basket too but this works for now.  The bouncy seat won't stay in the bedroom but it is being stored there for now!


 The crib is the Kalani crib from Davinci (Million Dollar Baby), the dresser is my old one from Brother's furniture in San Rafael, and the changing table is a custom dresser from Brother's furniture in San Rafael (new).  On top of the dresser is baby boy's twilight turtle (by Cloud B), a dodger bobble head, a dodger blue ducky, and two of Nick's baseball trophies from high school.  The quilt is the Alligator Madras by Pottery Barn Kids.  In the crib you can see "casey at bat" stuffed doll, and there is also a chatter monkey (by Cloud B) which makes white noise, a dinosaur and superman stuffed figures too.  Sorry I didn't get a picture of those!


The "bookshelves" are spice racks from Ikea.  This was one of those "brilliant" pinterest ideas I came across.  I painted them with leftover white paint from the room so they match perfectly.  Unfortunately this is a "you get what you pay for" moment... They were very difficult to hang, and upon closer inspection are FAR from even.  But it looks cute! =)  Since little boy doesn't have quite the library his sister has (and they can share books) I found some room for a couple of Nick's smaller baseball trophies.  I thought it turned out super cute.
 

 This is called "Pirates Alley" by Ron Picou, which is a spot in the French Quarter, New Orleans.  It hangs above the dresser.  I love the image and it goes with my semi nautical feel.


 This is a print by Claude Monet.  Sorry that I don't remember the name, but it is from the Monet in Normandy series.  This hangs above the changing table.


 I found this canvas print at Target and couldn't resist as a nod for my husband.  I didn't want to go full out on the baseball theme, but since it is Nick's passion it was important to me that I included it a little here and there.  This print was a nice way to do that.  It hangs above the crib.


I found this switch plate at Home Depot and really loved it.  It reminds me of an island in Italy somewhere and felt so sweet for the room.  Nick's great grandfather immigrated to the United States from Ischia, which is the sister island to Capris in Italy.  He was a crab and salmon fisherman here in the bay area.  This image reminds me of Ischia very much, and felt like a nice nod to our heritage.
 
Some other details that I haven't mentioned... The paint color is Grey Owl by Ben Moore, with "simply white" on the ceiling and doors and trim (also by Ben Moore).  I really loved the outcome, though was fascinated at how much it picked up the blue as soon as the curtains were hung and the carpet was laid.  This grey is a beautiful neutral grey if you are looking for something like that.  It is a cool grey that will pick up any colors you put near it.  If you had more browns in the room it would look warmer I believe.  I had so much blue there was just no way to avoid that.
 
I added three family photos above the crib, which I intend to add to with some newborn shots once little boy arrives.  I love how we have the Golden Gate Bridge and the bay in all three of the shots because it really goes along with the nautical vibe of the room.  Even for boys, I think it is important to keep family in our minds which is why I decided to put the pictures up.  I'll be interested to see how long they stay on his walls though as he grows up! =)  There is also a print from my "sprinkle" which is a thumbprint family tree.  Everyone (okay well many people) at the sprinkle put a thumbprint on the tree to make up the leaves.  It is very sweet.  There is another print of a little boy playing with baseball figurines above the bookshelves.  It is a sweet picture, and softer compared to the darker more grown up images I have up, which I haven't made my mind up about.  I've also been working on a custom print that says "Oh! The places you will go!" with some sort of image.  I've done two iterations of this concept and have yet to be satisfied with the result.  I may abandon the idea but really love the concept.  So we will see. =)
 
There you go!  The nursery in its entirety.  I'd love to hear what you think!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Feeling blessed and checking in

I feel like I've been lagging in the blogging department for real.  I know, shocking considering I'm 9 months pregnant and still chasing my two year old!  Ha ha... But I felt like I needed to post something.  I will officially hit the 9 month (by weeks) marker this Friday.  I will be 36 weeks... So crazy!  Hard to believe this little boy will be here "any day" so to speak.  I've nearly finished the nursery (how long have I been saying that!?!?).  A couple more little projects and I should be good.  I promise to share once its done.  There's just so much "storage" going on in the room still that I don't even want to take pictures yet.  Too much chaos for me.  But I made great progress today.  =)

Isabella charms me more every single day.  She is just such an amazing person.  We went apple picking yesterday which was great fun.  I love watching her discover her world.  Sure, she is two, and certainly acts it frequently.  But I am able to keep in mind her developmental need to seek (and push) her boundaries, and establish her own individual identity.  Well, usually.  She is ultimately a joy to be around though, constantly amazing me with how funny, kind, loving, and smart she is.  I am truly blessed to have this little person in my life.  To call her my daughter, exceeds all possible expectations.

I'll have a new pregnancy questionnaire sometime this weekend with a new bump picture.  I anticipate big differences from my last shot as I feel HUGE!  Did I mention that this little (hahaha) boy is already over 6.5 lbs according to the last ultrasound!?  Ultrasounds can be off (way off) but since I've always anticipated a large baby, I'm thinking it is pretty spot on.  Just makes me hope that much more that he comes a little early, not only so that we get to do this the "old fashioned" way (no induction) but also so he isn't 10 lbs or bigger!

I'll leave you a picture with my angel girl, just because she makes my heart so very happy.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

A New Blog

I know, I'm slightly crazy... But Pinterest has inspired me to start another blog.  I will start posting various things about food (mostly what I make) and parties and other crafty type things.  This will still be my primary blog for all things about our family and me and our babies, but now if you are interested in food and crafts you can see it here:

http://foodiefestivities.blogspot.com/

Mangia bene!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Deep breath

I'm going to blame hormones, well, because I can.  But it seems that my emotional state is getting worse not better.  I'm doing the right things, going to counseling, talking to the people around me, seeking support, but I'm finding that I'm in a constant state of low-level anxiety with limited coping skills as a result.  I'm trying, and hopefully once this whole non-stress test insurance situation has fully shaken out (nearly there!) it will improve, but some of it I am just trying to take in stride.

Okay, so what is going on?  Well the first realization that I had is that I'm feeling very much as though this is the beginning of the cancer saga.  Don't get me wrong, I don't believe that I am going to get cancer again, but my emotional and medical journey began at the end of my pregnancy with Bella.  I have an emotional through line from the end of my pregnancy, into delivery, through breastfeeding, and straight into cancer.  It isn't rational exactly, but understandable.  After explaining that to Nick, he agreed and said that he actually felt the same way.  So we both feel a little bit like we are holding our breath to be sure it isn't going to happen again.  I at least enjoyed a little validation in Nick feeling the same way, and that it wasn't just me being crazy. =)

On top of that, I've been dealing with this nonsense with testing and my insurance blahdy blah blah blah.  I've found an OB's office in the next town north (different county, but same drive as the hospital I'm currently being referred to), that does non-stress tests in their office.  This means I will have no co-pay, or a standard office visit ($20).  I can handle that. =)  They have said I can go there, it is in network for my insurance, and doesn't require anything additional on my part (from what I can tell).  Sadly, after a horrible phone call from one of the doctors in my OB's office that I have yet to deal with, I received another phone call from them after I called with this news.  Their only response to me was that if the doctor saw anything wrong that they would send me to a different hospital to have my baby (the one closer to them), and if I was okay with that then I could go there.  I do understand that if there was an emergency situation I would need to go to the nearest hospital and in theory that means my OBs office would not be able to be there for delivery.  However, most likely anything they see on a NST would not be "emergency" and I would have time to drive down to my hospital.  The only reason I mention this is that it feels like my OBs office is not in my corner.  I do not feel supported by them at all because I'm not just doing what they tell me to do in full compliance without questioning.  It worries me about how my delivery will go.  I'm going to have to deal with this face to face in my OBs office I think to make sure we are all still on the same page.

Finally I had a growth ultrasound today and it left me a little freaked out.  Baby boy is measuring quite large, which isn't in itself surprising, though he jumped percentiles and that scares me a little.  According to today's measurements he is trending towards 10 pounds at full term.  Yikes.  I know how hard it was to push out 8.5 pounds, so another pound and a half is quite intimidating.  What left me more anxious however, is that the ratio of his head to his abdomen is trending the wrong way.  It is still fine, but closer than it was at the last ultrasound and close in general.  The radiology doctor said my OB might want me to go back for another scan.  I hope she does.  Essentially if the abdomen is larger than the head, you run the risk of shoulder dystocia or the baby getting stuck after the head is out.  Not good for mommy or baby.  Just don't want to even come close to that being an issue because I just don't trust that the doctors won't push for c-section.

And all of this is tied up in to crazy low lying stuff about guilt around my gestational diabetes, and not being able to do much anymore because I am tired and mentally/emotionally at capacity.  I seriously don't know how people have had babies over and over throughout history.  I admit, I feel a little bit like a failure because this is so dang hard.

Life is not all bad.  We had an AMAZING time at my sprinkle this past weekend.  I want to do it justice with its own post when I'm not grumpy and upset over unrelated things.  I am so blessed to have such an amazing community of women in my life.  I was not only sprinkled but spoiled this weekend.  And little man has already got a wardrobe that rivals his sisters.  =)  So I will leave you on that note of positivity with a whole post to come on it.  Five and a half weeks or less and little man will be here.  Count down!

Friday, September 7, 2012

34 weeks Questionnaire

Look!  I'm doing this on time!!!

How far along? 34 weeks

How big is baby? 19-22 in, 4.9 lbs (by my app on my phone)

Total weight gain/loss: Back at prepregnancy weight it seems, though water weight can certainly vary quite a bit still.

Maternity clothes? Yes

Sleep: Still up every couple of hours to switch sides, but only once or twice to pee usually.  Sleeping deeply aside from that though.

Best moment this week: Not much really happened this week to be honest.  Tomorrow is baby boy's "sprinkle" though, which is exciting!

Movement: Still very strong and active.  Last night I told Nick I felt like he wanted to break straight out of my belly, which I don't remember feeling so much with Isabella.

Food cravings: None

Food Aversions: none

Gender: All boy

Labor Signs: contractions

Pregnancy Symptoms:  All of the old standards still apply. 

Belly Button in or out? In

What I miss: Feeling semi-sane! =)

What I am looking forward to:  The sprinkle tomorrow and the growth scan on Tuesday!

Upcoming appointments/events: still busy.  Canceled my NST for today due to an insurance mess, and will likely cancel it for Tuesday as well, though I do need to have them, so I'm figuring out a solution for that.  Growth scan on Tuesday... Two weeks till my next OB appt but then I'm on for weekly appointments... My endocrinologist is supposed to be every two weeks also, but their office is a mess so I will see them on Monday, and probably one last time before I deliver.  I'm also continuing with counseling until the end since the mess of my emotions seems to be getting worse not better.  I'll write a different post on that though.

Weekly Wisdom: Being an active and discretionary consumer, particularly of your medical and insurance needs, can be a huge pain, but is very important.  It is much too easy to fall through the cracks.

Milestones: Started non-stress tests...

Bump Picture: Next post, and then I believe weekly till little boy arrives! =)  Here's another sneak from our family session though.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Navigating Bureaucracy... Again...

If you've been following me since cancer, you know that I've come up against the bureaucracy of the medical industry many, many times.  I've won some, I've lost some.  I'm at it again.

In a middle of the night panic attack, I realized that the non-stress tests I've started are being done at the hospital.  The reason this matters is that for all outpatient "procedures" done at a hospital, I have a copayment of 20%.  If these were done at a stand alone office, they would be covered at 100%.  On Tuesday, I began making my calls to confirm that yes in fact these would be billed as outpatient, and asked what the actual cost will be.  With the potential of up to 16 of these appointments, it is more than possible that I could actually meet my annual out of pocket maximum.

I'm not interested in talking about money here, it is more what I am dealing with from a bureaucratic standpoint.  I have an HMO plan.  The benefit of a plan like this is that you can generally plan for and expect your out of pocket expenses, and they are relatively minimal.  I have no annual deductible, or crazy copayment percentages.  The downside is that you are limited with which doctors you choose, and facilities are limited.  It has served me well, even providing me with excellent doctors through out my cancer journey and now pregnancy.  I've felt lucky and rarely missed my Kaiser team, despite the ease with which I could navigate that system.

Today, that has changed.

I am continuing to battle this latest in a crack in my coverage.  The reality is that when you look at my coverage, the intention of the plan, including the copayment percentage, is to limit out of pocket expenses.  I didn't even meet my out of pocket maximum in my year of cancer treatment (as a point of reference).  All my doctors visits, crazy tests, chemotherapy, surgery and radiation, still did not add up to that amount.  So to think that one simple, and relatively standard test for pregnancy would have me hit that, clearly strikes me (and everyone I've spoken to) as crazy.  And also not the intention of the structure of the plan.  Even outpatient surgery would cost the same as one of these appointments. 

Why do I have to go to the hospital?  It is apparently the only place in Marin County that handles this service.  In my last pregnancy my OBs office handled it.  You literally sit in a chair (or on a bed in the hospital), strapped to the fetal heart rate monitor, and contraction monitor, and wait for about 20 minutes.  As long as baby moves, and has heart rate accelerations in accordance, you pass.  That's all there is to it.  They do also do an ultrasound to verify that the baby is still head down and to check your amniotic fluid levels.  Not rocket science by medical terms.  And yet, apparently no one else does it in their office.

On top of all of this, the primary doctor at my OBs office called me today in response to my inquiry regarding options to deal with this.  I had offered a suggestion that actually would have been sufficient for their needs as well as my own, and was open to discussing other ideas.  Her message was short, almost rude, and essentially punitive.  The message was clear "no alternatives, you must do these, and by the way you need to deal with the blood sugar issues once your pregnancy is over".  In other words, not only do you need to spend potentially thousands of dollars on tests because no one else can be bothered to offer them in office and we are unwilling to consider any other options for you, but this is all your fault anyhow so suck it up and get healthy.

Yeah- suffice it to say I am not in love with the medical world today.  I'm not done with my fight yet.  I plan to call everyone involved (insurance company, medical group, and hospital billing) to get someone to find the exception and how to make it happen since clearly this is not the intention of my insurance policy.  I also intend to let the doctor know that the way she handled me was unacceptable.  I was never saying I wouldn't do the right thing for the health of my baby, I was simply saying "work with me".  She shouldn't speak to any patient that way, ever, but in light of my recent medical history, I feel that if anyone deserves some kid gloves, it is me.

I keep reminding myself that I have six weeks or less, and then this beautiful baby boy will be here and I can stop seeing all of these freaking doctors.  All I know is that something has to change with this industry.  I think the doctors and patients ultimately all want the same thing, but being caught in this crazy system no one is getting what they want and lots of people are getting lost in the process.  Shameful really.