Rest in peace Noni Carmel. I know you are on the great ship in the sky, drinking a negroni, dancing with your dear husband, and playing cards.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
In Memorium
Today our family lost an amazing woman. Bella's great, great grandmother (aka Big Noni, or The Great Noni) Carmel Josephine Mattera passed away. She was 96 years old (almost 97) and was lucky enough to go peacefully in her sleep at her home. She was quite the spitfire, and often referred to as mean by family members. I say that with a little laughter because she was also sweet and vulnerable if you had the chance to share a private moment with her. One of my first real interactions with her was when she called me Nick's shadow (suffice it to say this caused quite the fight between us since I was the proud 18/19 year old at the time who did not want to be rude, but also did not tolerate such nonsense). In the years since I have shared many sweet moments with this wonderful woman. I genuinely love her and am so glad to have been able to bring her very first great, great grandchild into the world while she was still here to enjoy her. Here is a picture from Bella's first week in the world with her Great Noni, me, and her Big Noni (great grandmother). It is a memory that I will cherish forever.
Rest in peace Noni Carmel. I know you are on the great ship in the sky, drinking a negroni, dancing with your dear husband, and playing cards.
Rest in peace Noni Carmel. I know you are on the great ship in the sky, drinking a negroni, dancing with your dear husband, and playing cards.
Pregnancy Questionnaire- 28 (and a half) weeks
How far along? 28.5 weeks Third Trimester!
How big is baby? 17 inches (head to toes now), 2.9 lbs Though actually he is measuring big so more like 3.5 lbs!
Total weight gain/loss: Holding steady a few pounds down from prepregnancy which means losing as baby grows!
Maternity clothes? Yes
Sleep: Getting harder. Having to pee in the middle of the night, turn more often as it gets uncomfortable, and adjusting pillows regularly to support my changing body.
Best moment this week: Confirming how big our little man is!
Movement: Super super active. I don't remember Bella being this active, or strong, this early, but I haven't gone back to check these updates either. He is actually making it tough to sleep at times since he is so busy.
Food cravings: None
Food Aversions: none
Gender: It's a boy!!!! (Confirmed yet again today!)
Labor Signs: regular contractions, though this will go on for months. Fun, right?
Pregnancy Symptoms: I feel huge. Baby boy is so active, kicking and moving all over. Hard to be in any position for any amount of time without getting very uncomfortable. Peeing a lot again (this child seems to like to sit on my bladder a lot more than Bella did). Can't eat too much without feeling sickeningly full. Hard to bend over, lift, or do just about anything. Getting pretty tired again.
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Just being able to do what I want, when I want. I am teaching Bella that I often can't pick her up, and that makes me sad, though we make up for it with snuggles and hand holding. Having any amount of energy.
What I am looking forward to: Finally getting the nursery ready.
Upcoming appointments/events: prenatal and endocrinologist on Thursday
Weekly Wisdom: pregnancy exaggerates emotions- good, bad and ugly.
Milestones: growth scan
Bump Picture: 28 weeks!
Can you see what this picture is? It is his head and shoulder profile, and both arms are up. The one closer to us is out in front of his face, and the one away from us is wrapped up on his head. I think little boy was napping during our scan today. This was sadly the best picture we got.
How big is baby? 17 inches (head to toes now), 2.9 lbs Though actually he is measuring big so more like 3.5 lbs!
Total weight gain/loss: Holding steady a few pounds down from prepregnancy which means losing as baby grows!
Maternity clothes? Yes
Sleep: Getting harder. Having to pee in the middle of the night, turn more often as it gets uncomfortable, and adjusting pillows regularly to support my changing body.
Best moment this week: Confirming how big our little man is!
Movement: Super super active. I don't remember Bella being this active, or strong, this early, but I haven't gone back to check these updates either. He is actually making it tough to sleep at times since he is so busy.
Food cravings: None
Food Aversions: none
Gender: It's a boy!!!! (Confirmed yet again today!)
Labor Signs: regular contractions, though this will go on for months. Fun, right?
Pregnancy Symptoms: I feel huge. Baby boy is so active, kicking and moving all over. Hard to be in any position for any amount of time without getting very uncomfortable. Peeing a lot again (this child seems to like to sit on my bladder a lot more than Bella did). Can't eat too much without feeling sickeningly full. Hard to bend over, lift, or do just about anything. Getting pretty tired again.
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Just being able to do what I want, when I want. I am teaching Bella that I often can't pick her up, and that makes me sad, though we make up for it with snuggles and hand holding. Having any amount of energy.
What I am looking forward to: Finally getting the nursery ready.
Upcoming appointments/events: prenatal and endocrinologist on Thursday
Weekly Wisdom: pregnancy exaggerates emotions- good, bad and ugly.
Milestones: growth scan
Bump Picture: 28 weeks!
Can you see what this picture is? It is his head and shoulder profile, and both arms are up. The one closer to us is out in front of his face, and the one away from us is wrapped up on his head. I think little boy was napping during our scan today. This was sadly the best picture we got.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Behind the ball...
I know I'm overdue on my pregnancy update (not to mention having skipped the one prior!) and have been quite remiss on my blogging in general. I think I may have hit critical mass with this pregnancy. I'm trying very hard to keep up with my amazing two year old and give her as much quality time as possible, while also trying to get my house ready for her little brother. And boy, do we have a lot to do! Meanwhile my calendar seems to be unrelenting. I may have to start passing on social events just to accomplish the things I need to without totally losing my mind.
I've also realized how poorly timed this pregnancy is in regards to processing cancer. Although it couldn't have started at a better time (pulling me out of a funk quite quickly), as I approach the end, I realize I have a lot of work to do on myself, but feel as though I don't have the time, or capacity to do it. I'm considering calling the counselor I worked with during treatment as she at least knows my story and I wouldn't have to start over. I could certainly squeeze in a "refresher" with her in hopes that it will help clear some of the gunk that is building up. Its tough though to consider adding any appointments to my already full medical calendar when all I want to do is spend time with Isabella, and have a growing desperate need to get my house ready for baby boy. Not to mention the waning energy and physical ability to do much of anything.
As usual, my community is amazing and offers of help have certainly come in. I'm sure I will take advantage of some of these offers (a painting party may well be on the books in the near future) but in general I am so sick of not being at decent capacity for myself that I just don't want to ask, or even accept the help. I'll have no choice quite soon, but it is a disheartening place to be. Tonight I was feeling grumpy after dinner and guilty that I wasn't "doing anything"... To be fair, I had just cooked a really nice dinner (meatloaf cupcakes with mashed potato frosting, zucchini and fresh corn on the cob) and was a little tired from that. In my head I was mad at someone for judging me (myself I imagine)... In this internal moment, I thought "I should start telling people- I am doing something, I'm making a human!"... Because apparently I was being judged in that moment for not "doing anything"... Again- all in my head. I quickly realized that I was arguing with myself and no one was in fact judging me. It's tough though. To never feel like you're enough. I'd better get that one under decent control before little boy joins us, because in many regards, this is only going to get worse!
On a more positive note, I was thinking about how amazing babies (and our bodies) are. A friend of mine is due in August with her first baby (also a little boy). He has been hanging out transverse (sideways) for the majority of her pregnancy. It was looking very much like this mama was going to get stuck with a c-section. Then, just the other day, she felt him moving a ton and low and behold, he had turned into position! I couldn't help but wonder, what is it that makes babies turn the right way like that? What instinct drives us to get ready for the next big step. I've heard a number of stories like this and it just strikes me as truly miraculous. I look forward to seeing my own miracle tomorrow on the (sort of) big screen! We have a growth scan tomorrow to find out just how big our little man is! I'm admittedly nervous because he feels awfully big and active to me, but here's hoping he is right on target for a slightly above average size! Wish us luck!
I've also realized how poorly timed this pregnancy is in regards to processing cancer. Although it couldn't have started at a better time (pulling me out of a funk quite quickly), as I approach the end, I realize I have a lot of work to do on myself, but feel as though I don't have the time, or capacity to do it. I'm considering calling the counselor I worked with during treatment as she at least knows my story and I wouldn't have to start over. I could certainly squeeze in a "refresher" with her in hopes that it will help clear some of the gunk that is building up. Its tough though to consider adding any appointments to my already full medical calendar when all I want to do is spend time with Isabella, and have a growing desperate need to get my house ready for baby boy. Not to mention the waning energy and physical ability to do much of anything.
As usual, my community is amazing and offers of help have certainly come in. I'm sure I will take advantage of some of these offers (a painting party may well be on the books in the near future) but in general I am so sick of not being at decent capacity for myself that I just don't want to ask, or even accept the help. I'll have no choice quite soon, but it is a disheartening place to be. Tonight I was feeling grumpy after dinner and guilty that I wasn't "doing anything"... To be fair, I had just cooked a really nice dinner (meatloaf cupcakes with mashed potato frosting, zucchini and fresh corn on the cob) and was a little tired from that. In my head I was mad at someone for judging me (myself I imagine)... In this internal moment, I thought "I should start telling people- I am doing something, I'm making a human!"... Because apparently I was being judged in that moment for not "doing anything"... Again- all in my head. I quickly realized that I was arguing with myself and no one was in fact judging me. It's tough though. To never feel like you're enough. I'd better get that one under decent control before little boy joins us, because in many regards, this is only going to get worse!
On a more positive note, I was thinking about how amazing babies (and our bodies) are. A friend of mine is due in August with her first baby (also a little boy). He has been hanging out transverse (sideways) for the majority of her pregnancy. It was looking very much like this mama was going to get stuck with a c-section. Then, just the other day, she felt him moving a ton and low and behold, he had turned into position! I couldn't help but wonder, what is it that makes babies turn the right way like that? What instinct drives us to get ready for the next big step. I've heard a number of stories like this and it just strikes me as truly miraculous. I look forward to seeing my own miracle tomorrow on the (sort of) big screen! We have a growth scan tomorrow to find out just how big our little man is! I'm admittedly nervous because he feels awfully big and active to me, but here's hoping he is right on target for a slightly above average size! Wish us luck!
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Isabella's Second Birthday!
Well okay, technically tomorrow is Isabella's official birthday, but we celebrated this weekend with a little soiree. It was so lovely to be surrounded by family and friends and share some food and fun! The theme was a Hawaiian luau, which was fitting since it was a crazy hot day and the pool was in use throughout!
First things first, we did a little photo shoot of Bella in her party gear so that we could have it printed for the party. Here is my Hawaiian princess.
She is so freaking cute sometimes. Somewhere there is a very similar picture of me when I was little. At the time my grandfather lived in Hawaii and got a similar hula outfit for me and my sister. I will have to hunt for it one of these days as it seems to be MIA but I can't wait to compare this one to it!
Here are the details of our luau party! I went a little crazy even while trying to keep it under control, but it really did turn out great!
It was a truly wonderful day. I am so lucky to have so many amazing people in my life, and Bella too. Fun seemed to be had by all. Often people don't look forward to "kid parties" but I hope that we are able to prove them wrong every time we host an event. You can have a party that is family friendly and this was one of them! I'll leave you with some pictures of the actual people that made this event so special.
First things first, we did a little photo shoot of Bella in her party gear so that we could have it printed for the party. Here is my Hawaiian princess.
She is so freaking cute sometimes. Somewhere there is a very similar picture of me when I was little. At the time my grandfather lived in Hawaii and got a similar hula outfit for me and my sister. I will have to hunt for it one of these days as it seems to be MIA but I can't wait to compare this one to it!
Here are the details of our luau party! I went a little crazy even while trying to keep it under control, but it really did turn out great!
A pinterest find! Watermelon turtle serving dish for fruit salad!
Pineapple cream cheese! Yummy! Two packages of cream cheese, one cup of sour cream, one small can of crushed pineapple. I used the juice too which made it too runny. I had to freeze it to form the log, but boy it sure did taste delicious! I would do exactly the same recipe and put it in a bowl if presentation didn't matter. I would cut the sour cream and juice a bit to form it in the shape too. Halved pecans make the pineapple skin and the top of an actual pineapple makes the top!
I had a whole box of plastic leis when I discovered that I actually had fabric leis in a bin from the past. So I needed to do something with the plastic leis knowing that they wouldn't be worn by anyone. I came up with the idea to string them together and make a garland for our fence! I put them in rainbow order for extra theme appropriateness. It turned out SO cute and I was very pleased with the result!
My mom found these plastic shell containers at goodwill! She put some leaves and a fake flower in each and it gave a lovely tropical feel!
Another pinterest find! Water bottles wrapped in decorative duct tape. If you need over the top personalizations like this for an event, it is quite easy to find and do, and inexpensive to boot. Otherwise, a huge waste of time (even if super adorable). The punch was 1 part pineapple juice, 2 parts orange juice, 3-4 parts ginger ale and ice. Add booze (malibu rum seemed to be a hit) for those who prefer to make it an adult party!
We found some inexpensive shells and decorated the tables with them. I also picked up some dyed daisies to add color to my tables!
Some palm fronds from a family members yard added some extra tropical flair!
We found nets at the party store and hung them on the ceiling holding the larger shells (large starfish were the best). It was so cute!
Fresh pineapple and tuberose added both beauty and fragrance to the party! You can also see the very bottom of the picture that we had enlarged (12x18 costco- $6!) of Bella in her hula skirt. So adorable and I can hang it in Bella's room now that the party is over.
An attempt to show the tiki torches we put up around the deck. On theme, fun, and added not only ambiance at night once lit- but bug protection since they are citronella!
Hawaiian rice- delicious! Two cups of jasmine rice, one can of regular coconut milk, 1 1/4 c of liquid (I used the juice from a small can of crushed coconut plus chicken broth for the rest, you could also use water or veggie broth or whatever suits you), and salt to taste. Bring to a boil, cover, reduce to lowest heat and cook for 20 minutes. Leave the lid on and let rest for 10 more minutes. Add the crushed pineapple, taste for salt and pepper. You can also add soy sauce (instead of salt), toasted sesame seed oil, green onions, crushed peanuts, you name it. Whatever floats your boat. I left it plain and it was DELICIOUS!
My own little creation. A combo of Kahlua pork and Cha Siu (Chinese BBQ pork). Delicious! I will post the recipe separately for this one because it is a little more involved, but it was so yummy, especially served on rice, or as pork sliders on Hawaiian rolls!
Same marinade as the pork on chicken skewers that were then bbq'd. It was a wonderful alternative for those who don't eat pork. You could probably cook it in a different method and serve it shredded just like the pork.
Yet another pinterest find- flip flop nutter butters! I give myself an F for presentation, but they really are super cute. And I really didn't do a very good job since I used the wrong tools late at night on this project. Easy cute way to have a great kid friendly treat (and lets face it, adults love nutter butters too) that are so on theme!
The beautiful cake for little miss. The cake place actually completely messed up the decorations relative to what we ordered (the green in the middle at the top is supposed to be a sea turtle) but it was still delicious and very cute.
It was a truly wonderful day. I am so lucky to have so many amazing people in my life, and Bella too. Fun seemed to be had by all. Often people don't look forward to "kid parties" but I hope that we are able to prove them wrong every time we host an event. You can have a party that is family friendly and this was one of them! I'll leave you with some pictures of the actual people that made this event so special.
Mommy and Bella- cake time!
Kisses with Daddy!
Noni Lorraine and Auntie Jen!
Cousin love!!!
All the girls! And its even a good picture!
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Hello Hormones!
I have officially hit pregnancy hormone crazy. Gratefully for me, it actually isn't crazy like some women experience. I don't have extreme mood swings, or bizarre, unexplainable emotions. What I experience is a major exaggeration of whatever emotions I feel. Primarily this relates to negative emotions- sadness, anger, frustration. When I was pregnant with Bella I had the worst road rage I have ever experienced and zero patience with anyone. This time its been pretty easy to stay rational. I haven't experienced the road rage (though I'm sure part of that is having to mind my ps and qs in front of my toddler), and the impatience hasn't plagued me (though not working in a customer service function surely helps too).
In the past couple of weeks however, the hormones have hit. If I'm sad, I am really sad. If I'm angry- watch out. Little things set me off as if they were world peace level problems. We went to see The Amazing Spiderman yesterday, and I cried... Twice.
Mostly I don't mind and can deal with the challenge. The tough part is when the darker cancer thoughts hit and I can't control them, and can't take anything to help them. They still exist. They probably will for a long time. Certainly until I am able to put myself first and get myself into counseling to properly deal with my experience. So between now, and whenever I am done breastfeeding this baby, I will have to figure out a way to cope with the emotions, as irrational and overpowering as they may be.
In the past couple of weeks however, the hormones have hit. If I'm sad, I am really sad. If I'm angry- watch out. Little things set me off as if they were world peace level problems. We went to see The Amazing Spiderman yesterday, and I cried... Twice.
Mostly I don't mind and can deal with the challenge. The tough part is when the darker cancer thoughts hit and I can't control them, and can't take anything to help them. They still exist. They probably will for a long time. Certainly until I am able to put myself first and get myself into counseling to properly deal with my experience. So between now, and whenever I am done breastfeeding this baby, I will have to figure out a way to cope with the emotions, as irrational and overpowering as they may be.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Pregnancy Questionnaire 24 weeks
I realize that I missed a week of this, but it has been a challenging month. I also realized as I typed this out that there were a few things I never wrote about that I should follow up on, but not tonight. =)
How far along? 24 Weeks
How big is baby? 9 inches, 1.7lbs The size of an eggplant!
Total weight gain/loss: seem to be holding steady which in theory means I'm losing while baby gains!
Maternity clothes? Yep! Even the stretchy normal clothes feel a bit tight around the middle.
Sleep: Getting tougher. I have to swap between regular pillows and my pregnancy pillow each night just to try to keep things in check.
Best moment this week: Nick finally felt baby boy!
Movement: Very active. I have to look back at this from my first pregnancy because I am a little surprised at how much I feel him. Not the level of activity, but the strength of it!
Food cravings: No cravings. Getting tougher to eat as my hormones increase.
Food Aversions: no problems.
Gender: It's a boy!!!!
Labor Signs: none
Pregnancy Symptoms: More and more every day! Feeling very round and heavier each day, still experiencing the bone/joint pain (though much better since finishing the mountain play), blood sugar is going up, heartburn nearly every day, contractions with too much activity... I'm sure there are more but those are the majors
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Just the freedom of not being pregnant. Energy, sleep, freedom to eat whatever I want whenever I feel like it...
What I am looking forward to: Our growth scan which will tell us how big little man is!
Upcoming appointments/events: OB on July 10th, Growth Scan on July 31st
Weekly Wisdom: Often in pregnancy, the answer is rest.
Milestones: I'm sure I had some but simply can't think of anything. It's been a challenging month to say the least.
Bump Picture: 24 weeks!
How far along? 24 Weeks
How big is baby? 9 inches, 1.7lbs The size of an eggplant!
Total weight gain/loss: seem to be holding steady which in theory means I'm losing while baby gains!
Maternity clothes? Yep! Even the stretchy normal clothes feel a bit tight around the middle.
Sleep: Getting tougher. I have to swap between regular pillows and my pregnancy pillow each night just to try to keep things in check.
Best moment this week: Nick finally felt baby boy!
Movement: Very active. I have to look back at this from my first pregnancy because I am a little surprised at how much I feel him. Not the level of activity, but the strength of it!
Food cravings: No cravings. Getting tougher to eat as my hormones increase.
Food Aversions: no problems.
Gender: It's a boy!!!!
Labor Signs: none
Pregnancy Symptoms: More and more every day! Feeling very round and heavier each day, still experiencing the bone/joint pain (though much better since finishing the mountain play), blood sugar is going up, heartburn nearly every day, contractions with too much activity... I'm sure there are more but those are the majors
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Just the freedom of not being pregnant. Energy, sleep, freedom to eat whatever I want whenever I feel like it...
What I am looking forward to: Our growth scan which will tell us how big little man is!
Upcoming appointments/events: OB on July 10th, Growth Scan on July 31st
Weekly Wisdom: Often in pregnancy, the answer is rest.
Milestones: I'm sure I had some but simply can't think of anything. It's been a challenging month to say the least.
Bump Picture: 24 weeks!
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