I have officially hit pregnancy hormone crazy. Gratefully for me, it actually isn't crazy like some women experience. I don't have extreme mood swings, or bizarre, unexplainable emotions. What I experience is a major exaggeration of whatever emotions I feel. Primarily this relates to negative emotions- sadness, anger, frustration. When I was pregnant with Bella I had the worst road rage I have ever experienced and zero patience with anyone. This time its been pretty easy to stay rational. I haven't experienced the road rage (though I'm sure part of that is having to mind my ps and qs in front of my toddler), and the impatience hasn't plagued me (though not working in a customer service function surely helps too).
In the past couple of weeks however, the hormones have hit. If I'm sad, I am really sad. If I'm angry- watch out. Little things set me off as if they were world peace level problems. We went to see The Amazing Spiderman yesterday, and I cried... Twice.
Mostly I don't mind and can deal with the challenge. The tough part is when the darker cancer thoughts hit and I can't control them, and can't take anything to help them. They still exist. They probably will for a long time. Certainly until I am able to put myself first and get myself into counseling to properly deal with my experience. So between now, and whenever I am done breastfeeding this baby, I will have to figure out a way to cope with the emotions, as irrational and overpowering as they may be.
I saw spiderman yesterday too! I have to say I really didn't think it was as good as the previous movies. And those dark cancer thoughts/memories seem to creep up on me as well whenever I'm in a bad mood. For a long time I thought I had squished it but every now and then I have a random memory and it makes me so mad/sad. I totally know that feeling. Hopefully we both don't have to live through it ever again.
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