Bella Mouse!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Cherry Blossoms
I've considered getting a tattoo for many years. I think I decided I wanted one when I was about 12. The rule of course was that I would have to wait until I could walk into the tattoo parlor on my own to get it (18). By the time I reached that age, I'd come to my senses a little and realized that if I got one, I should feel really confident that I would love it forever, and it should have meaning forever. I couldn't think of anything that really fit that description. The desire for a tattoo has never fully gone away, but still I don't have anything of deep significance to permanently have drawn on my body.
The idea of a tattoo has been a regular topic of conversation since my diagnosis. From the idea of tattooing something on my bald head, to marking my scar with something, many ideas have been mulled over. It's too late to get something on my head (and I never really felt like putting it somewhere that would never be seen again made a lot of sense). Lately I've been considering the idea of eventually tattooing my breast, somewhere on or near the scar. This would of course be after my final reconstruction (otherwise there is no point), but I think I may know what I want.
As you know, I have radiation every weekday. I am in the same room, using the same machine every day. In each of the rooms there are florescent lights that are covered with various picture screens. One room has palm trees. Another room has an underwater ocean scene. My room has cherry blossoms.
I first had the idea that it would be pretty, and representative of my journey. Then my mom sent me this article. Now it really seems like a nice image for me.
"Both Chinese and Japanese cultures acknowledge the cherry blossom in different ways and it carries with it two different meanings for each. The Chinese see the cherry blossom as a symbol of power and love. It also speaks to the power of femininity... In Japanese culture the cherry blossom symbolizes the brevity of life. You see, this flower only blooms for a short period of time. It encourages everyone to appreciate what little time they have on this Earth and it promotes gratitude for what they are given."
For a breast cancer survivor, trying to create a symbol of my journey, these meanings all fit like a glove. It is still a few years down the road, so we will see if it continues to fit, but for now, it is a nice idea.
The idea of a tattoo has been a regular topic of conversation since my diagnosis. From the idea of tattooing something on my bald head, to marking my scar with something, many ideas have been mulled over. It's too late to get something on my head (and I never really felt like putting it somewhere that would never be seen again made a lot of sense). Lately I've been considering the idea of eventually tattooing my breast, somewhere on or near the scar. This would of course be after my final reconstruction (otherwise there is no point), but I think I may know what I want.
As you know, I have radiation every weekday. I am in the same room, using the same machine every day. In each of the rooms there are florescent lights that are covered with various picture screens. One room has palm trees. Another room has an underwater ocean scene. My room has cherry blossoms.
I first had the idea that it would be pretty, and representative of my journey. Then my mom sent me this article. Now it really seems like a nice image for me.
"Both Chinese and Japanese cultures acknowledge the cherry blossom in different ways and it carries with it two different meanings for each. The Chinese see the cherry blossom as a symbol of power and love. It also speaks to the power of femininity... In Japanese culture the cherry blossom symbolizes the brevity of life. You see, this flower only blooms for a short period of time. It encourages everyone to appreciate what little time they have on this Earth and it promotes gratitude for what they are given."
For a breast cancer survivor, trying to create a symbol of my journey, these meanings all fit like a glove. It is still a few years down the road, so we will see if it continues to fit, but for now, it is a nice idea.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Pumpkins!
In a month long Halloween celebration we have enjoyed the spirit of the season at Disneyland as well as a trip to the pumpkin patch! You know, because radiation five days a week isn't keeping me busy enough. =) Anyhow it has been pretty wonderful particularly since Bella is really developing so quickly these days. She becomes more of a kid and less of a baby each and every day. Disneyland was a little challenging because of this as she was really asserting her independence during the trip. But she still loved loved loved all the sights and sounds- especially the characters. Here's our photo with Mickey!
Steamboat Willy Mickey! Not Bella's best picture, but its what we have!
Today was our trip to the pumpkin patch! We went to a really fun one up in Petaluma and had my niece Mia and my mom with us. Sadly, we didn't get any good group pictures, or even the girls together. It was so hot that I think all of our brains stopped working. But Bella got some good shots with her favorite orange orbs!
Riding in the Wheelbarrow!
A pumpkin pushing the pumpkins! (Or at least trying- those suckers were big!)
I guess the point of this post is, life is good. I'm totally exhausted and fatigued from the radiation. My skin is holding up well though starting to show the irritation. Not bad considering I am 2/3 done. Only two more weeks till I can be done with this nonsense! I started rehearsals for the mountain play benefit today so continue with my busy streak. It's a challenge to find the line between pushing through the fatigue (because my doctor says I can) and getting enough rest (because my doctor says I have to). But, as long as life keeps treating me so well, I should be just fine.
Steamboat Willy Mickey! Not Bella's best picture, but its what we have!
Today was our trip to the pumpkin patch! We went to a really fun one up in Petaluma and had my niece Mia and my mom with us. Sadly, we didn't get any good group pictures, or even the girls together. It was so hot that I think all of our brains stopped working. But Bella got some good shots with her favorite orange orbs!
Riding in the Wheelbarrow!
A pumpkin pushing the pumpkins! (Or at least trying- those suckers were big!)
I guess the point of this post is, life is good. I'm totally exhausted and fatigued from the radiation. My skin is holding up well though starting to show the irritation. Not bad considering I am 2/3 done. Only two more weeks till I can be done with this nonsense! I started rehearsals for the mountain play benefit today so continue with my busy streak. It's a challenge to find the line between pushing through the fatigue (because my doctor says I can) and getting enough rest (because my doctor says I have to). But, as long as life keeps treating me so well, I should be just fine.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Celebrities and Cancer
Today Giuliana Rancic, star of E! News, announced that she has breast cancer. She certainly isn't the first celebrity to go public with this disease, and sadly, I'm sure, won't be the last. I, however, am much more interested in this announcement than I would have been a year ago. There is something almost vindicating for me when a young, beautiful, skinny, celebrity announces that she is fighting the same fight that I am. I have to admit, that despite the fact that I intellectually know better, I still blame myself for this disease. Crazy? Yes, I do realize that. Unfortunately though much of the research out there today tells me that overweight women have a higher risk of breast cancer, particularly the type that I have (triple negative). And it is very human, or at least womanly, to take any small thing that you can use as fault, and run with it. So when I see someone who clearly did not get this disease for that reason, it helps me a tiny bit, believe that maybe it isn't my fault.
My heart breaks for Giuliana and her family. She has been trying to have a baby for a couple of years now and discovered her cancer prior to her third attempt at IVF. Gratefully they were already only a week out from her egg retrieval when the diagnosis was made, so she will still have the opportunity to have a child once she is cancer free. I will be watching to see what the details are about her process as she joins this club that no one wants to be a part of. She has already announced that she will have surgery and then radiation. I'm curious to know what type of breast cancer she has that allows this particular treatment plan. I'm sure part of the reasoning is her public life, and how damaging chemo would be to that, but seriously, if it was her life, no good doctor would encourage that. She isn't talking about hormone therapy either though, which would delay her ability to have babies another 5 years. So we will see! Probably not that interesting to the rest of you, but at this point, every time another public figure is diagnosed, that much more attention and money will be given to this disease, which makes all of us closer to a cure.
My heart breaks for Giuliana and her family. She has been trying to have a baby for a couple of years now and discovered her cancer prior to her third attempt at IVF. Gratefully they were already only a week out from her egg retrieval when the diagnosis was made, so she will still have the opportunity to have a child once she is cancer free. I will be watching to see what the details are about her process as she joins this club that no one wants to be a part of. She has already announced that she will have surgery and then radiation. I'm curious to know what type of breast cancer she has that allows this particular treatment plan. I'm sure part of the reasoning is her public life, and how damaging chemo would be to that, but seriously, if it was her life, no good doctor would encourage that. She isn't talking about hormone therapy either though, which would delay her ability to have babies another 5 years. So we will see! Probably not that interesting to the rest of you, but at this point, every time another public figure is diagnosed, that much more attention and money will be given to this disease, which makes all of us closer to a cure.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Keep rolling along
I am nearly halfway done with my radiation treatment now. Tomorrow I will complete three weeks out of six. I confirmed today that I will be done on either November 3rd or 4th. I have 26 regular treatments, then three "boost" treatments where they focus in on some tighter regions, and then finally they will likely throw one "extra at me. That is 29 or 30 total treatments.
In other news my cycle restarted today. Theoretically that means that I am still fertile and can have more babies the old fashioned way. It's funny because it is something that I've been really stressing about and now that it has happened I realize that if it comes down to it, and I'm not able to have any more babies, I'm okay with that. Don't get me wrong, I want at least one more child, but I realize that I'm lucky to have Isabella and if it came down to it, she is enough. Truth is, no one wants to be told that the choice is taken away from them. I suppose that is really the foundation of it all.
Although it has been quite awhile since I last wrote, I'm feeling a bit spacey and less than inspired right now, so I will leave it there for now. And leave you with a sweet picture of my independent little girl.
In other news my cycle restarted today. Theoretically that means that I am still fertile and can have more babies the old fashioned way. It's funny because it is something that I've been really stressing about and now that it has happened I realize that if it comes down to it, and I'm not able to have any more babies, I'm okay with that. Don't get me wrong, I want at least one more child, but I realize that I'm lucky to have Isabella and if it came down to it, she is enough. Truth is, no one wants to be told that the choice is taken away from them. I suppose that is really the foundation of it all.
Although it has been quite awhile since I last wrote, I'm feeling a bit spacey and less than inspired right now, so I will leave it there for now. And leave you with a sweet picture of my independent little girl.
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