Seeking balance

As my pregnancy continues I keep working towards finding balance. This is true in many ways but particularly this week I am challenged with health as I view it, and health as my doctor views it.

As you know I've been diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. I struggled immensely in the beginning trying to understand how my blood sugar works and why I would get crazy numbers in such unexpected ways. I know that the diet helped immediately because I went from feeling horrible all the time with very serious food aversions, to feeling nearly human again pretty quickly. Now I can eat just about anything and my energy is significantly improved.

The second series of challenges came when I was following the diet to the best of my understanding, eating 3 meals and 3 snacks each day, watching my carb intake, and reducing carbs if my numbers came back too high. I avoided all sugar and was eating high fiber and whole grains. My numbers were completely erratic still. I was put on oral medication at bedtime because my fasting numbers were consistently high. My fasting numbers improved immediately but I still struggled some with mealtime results. I even began having random anxiety attacks (twice in the middle of the night with no apparent cause).

I decided that I was carb starving myself (potatoes not Prozac!) and needed to figure some things out. I began eating more carbs again, figuring if I eat well and still get bad numbers, perhaps my body just cannot regulate itself and the doctors would help me. Well once this decision was made, my numbers balanced out. For the last several weeks I have had almost no inexplicably high numbers. I've seen consistency regardless of what I eat, and the few high numbers I've had were very easy to explain (like not eating lunch until 3pm after a high stress morning!).

Sounds like I'm doing fantastic now right? Well, sort of. The last week or so my weight gain has spiked. I went from 10 lbs under my pre-pregnancy weight to at pre-pregnancy weight in about 3 weeks. Could just be baby and appropriate growth, but my diet has left me feeling guilty.

The foods that give me consistently good numbers are things like hamburgers, philly cheesesteak sandwiches, and ice cream for my bedtime snack. In no world that I have ever lived are these things on a "healthy" diet. I also eat a lot of salad, but it still doesn't feel truly healthy.

So now I am faced with the challenge of trying to get my diet back to what I believe to be healthy (fruit, veggies, protein- limited sweets and treats and simple carbs!) without sacrificing my good glucose numbers. If I am eating well, I don't mind gaining weight because I will be confident that it is for the right reasons. If I continue eating these high fat, questionable foods and gain weight, I am going to be worried and stressed for the rest of my pregnancy that I am setting myself up for post pregnancy disaster.

The good news is that I believe I can do it, and better understand my body now and how it is processing food in general. I also am done with the major projects at home that have destroyed my energy (like painting the nursery) and can possibly up my time in the pool each week. I am quite certain that the exercise is helping me.

So wish me luck and seek balance for yourself. It's one of the best things we can do for ourselves after all!