Today I met with the plastic surgeon to discuss reconstruction options. I've met with my surgeon who performs the mastectomy but I need a plastic surgeon for reconstruction of the breast. Until this point I had heard that reconstruction could maybe happen at the same time as the mastectomy. I was definitely holding out hope that this would be the case. Today I determined this is definitely not the case. Due to the fact that I have to have radiation after surgery, I cannot have reconstruction at the same time. Radiation really destroys the tissue (apparently for years beyond the time that you are actually receiving the treatment) and would make the breast completely change shape, leading to future surgeries for correction, or a lifetime of a misshapen chest.
That's the bad news.
According to the plastic surgeon, they won't allow her to even touch my breast for six months to a year after radiation. Additionally, in order to ensure that I am relatively even, she wants to give my other breast a lift at the same time as the reconstruction. I'm fine with this (I feel that I am so young it is important to me to feel as normal as possible once is this all done), but that requires that all of the ducts in my healthy breast be cut. This could lead to not being able to breast feed at all. I already know that my left breast produces milk (even if a small amount) and I am determined to have another baby and breast feed at least in part. I don't know why, other than that I fought so incredibly hard to breast feed Bella and feel a little like I "failed" at my effort, but this has become a point I am fixated on. I will breast feed again.
So with all of this information, it is likely that I will wait to have my reconstructive surgery until I am done having children. We are now talking about years. If I had my druthers I would get pregnant sometime next fall. That would put Bella and her future sibling three years apart. My oncologist wants me to wait a year beyond that. My body may or may not allow me to get pregnant on its own. So there are a lot of factors affecting if and when I have another child. Which of course means there are a lot of factors affecting when I will have reconstruction.
In the meantime they will place an expander in my chest as a placeholder to preserve the shape of my breast. I am lucky in that they should be able to preserve the skin and nipple. I could still face some risks with this when I have radiation (including the possibility of the expander coming through the skin- yep you read that right- through the skin), but it seems to be the best plan available.
I'll leave the discussion about the type of reconstruction for another day. That is a large topic that deserves its own post and I could change my mind about what type of reconstruction I have between now and the time I have it. But if you're curious, right now my best option is looking like a tram flap surgery.
To say I had a melt down today is fair. This was not the news I was hoping for at all. I went from feeling like I had my eyes set on October as the finish line to now facing major surgery sometime in a couple of years. I keep saying "I just want to be done with this". I guess today, I can safely say, this just sucks. I really haven't felt too negative as this process has gone on. I haven't had too many pity parties, mostly feeling like I just needed to continue moving forward and it would all be fine. Today, I can easily say with the best of you, that this sucks. This is not something anyone should have to go through, particularly a young woman like myself. It isn't a fair disease and the treatment is brutal. I feel as though around every corner I keep receiving news that makes this just a little bit longer, a little bit more difficult, and continually changing the landscape of my future.
On the bright (?) side, after I'm done having babies, I'm guaranteed new breasts and a surgery that works like a tummy tuck! There are lots of women out there who pay big bucks to have that happen. Not a choice I would make myself, but hey, I've gotta keep my eyes on that silver lining right?
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