Anxiety

Last night I finally figured out the root of my foul mood these past few weeks.  I am completely full of anxiety about my treatment tomorrow.  I feel, and have been feeling, very much the same way that I did in the weeks prior to beginning treatment.  The new drug that I start tomorrow, although still chemo, is the unknown.  Just as the first treatment was unknown to me.  I don't know how I am going to feel, when it will take effect, if it is going to make me nauseous or tired or drugged, or maybe nothing at all.  Although in theory it should be similar, but easier on me than the first series, the fact remains that I just don't know.  A known enemy is easier to fight than an unknown in preparation.

It helps somewhat to understand the root of my mood at least.  Sadly though it does nothing to help my mood.  I just keep thinking that all I want is to "get through" tomorrow.  It has become a giant monster in my mind that seems to grow larger by the hour.  Gratefully I do have medication to help with anxiety and can take some before bed tonight.  I may have to with the way I'm feeling at the moment.

I do have confidence intellectually that the next round of treatment will go just as well as the first round.  At the very least it will go as quickly!  Six more weeks and I will be done with chemo!!!!  Yay!!!!