Diagnosis

So I wasn't prepared to write about this until today. It's been a rough few days as I process what exactly this means for me, and I'm guessing I'm not quite done with the occasional freak out. =)

I have been diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes.

At first I felt like this wasn't a huge deal, because I would manage my diet and it would be fine. Then I decided it was a much bigger deal because my fasting number was high, which meant that my blood sugar was way out of whack (as opposed to only because of what I was eating). This sent me into a panic, unsure of how diet changes would help much. I reviewed what I've been eating, and although there are unquestionably changes I can make, I didn't feel that my diet was that far off from an acceptable GD diet. This led me to the conclusion that they would probably put me on meds. I went through my process of thinking this was the worst possible thing, to the conclusion that it would make me feel better, and thereby make me better able to control it in a more healthful way (through diet and exercise).

This was my final conclusion on Monday morning. I was feeling positive and ready to take on the challenge.

Then our little bean refused to give us the good news we were counting on (if it is a boy or a girl).

I admit- my coping skills are less than ideal right now. The disappointment of not finding out the gender started me out on a small tailspin. I hadn't heard from the doctor yet to deal with my diagnosis, so I called them up myself, thinking at least I could take a positive action.

This did not get me the results I expected. The woman I spoke to at the perinatalogist set me up with an appointment to go to a dietician, and sent me some materials. That was it. She did tell me that a nurse would call me for blood sugar monitoring training.

No doctor? No evaluation of my specific test results and a plan to deal with my specific case? They expected me to just all of a sudden be "better" because my diet improves slightly?

I can say that this sent me much deeper into my tailspin. I simply did not know how I was going to cope with this. Of course on top of this, I was also having a bad day with high blood sugar. I don't need a monitor to know when it is high. I can feel it in my body. The only way I know how to describe it is how you might feel if you ate an entire bag of candy (and I mean a big bag) for breakfast. Of course I felt this way having eaten an egg on an English muffin for breakfast.

I was convinced that I was just going to feel terrible until I had a couple weeks of bad blood sugar levels on the diet, to convince my doctors that something else needed to change. I'm sure my emotional state was not helping the situation.

Today, I have a much better attitude. I already feel better, and didn't wake up feeling crummy this morning (minus the headache that kept me home- which I blame more on my tears and high emotions and high blood sugar yesterday, than anything else). I ate some turkey chili and salad for lunch and feel pretty good. It's nearly time for a mid day snack, and I'm thinking that some cottage cheese, or a whole wheat piece of toast with peanut butter might be a good choice. Watching those carbs I know will help, and I have already been avoiding sugar- including fruit. I feel confident that I can take care of my blood sugar just fine.

The benefits of this diagnosis are that it will help me stay healthy during this pregnancy. Ironic sort of way to think about it I know, but I figure that this will force me to eat better (or feel like crap), which will help keep my weight in check, and the baby growing at a healthy rate. This sets me up for a better body post pregnancy. Exercise is also important for GD, along with diet, and this just motivates me to get into some water aerobics that much sooner. Hopefully pregnancy will do me good in the long run.

I also plan to get in to see my acupuncturist. I suspect that the eastern tradition will actually be able to help with my pancreatic function. If nothing else- it is the best stress relief I have found for myself.

So it has been a rough few days, but I'm feeling positive again. It is a big challenge but I have faith that I can take it in stride, and that it will be worth it in the end.