Wednesday July 21st I was scheduled to begin induction due to gestational diabetes and borderline high blood pressure. The doctors didn't want my blood pressure to go up, Isabella to get too big, or for my placenta to begin to break down. So at 39 weeks and 1 day I was on my way to the hospital.
We arrived at the hospital at about 3:45pm. We got into our room and settled in. Over the next bit of time they checked my vitals, checked me for progress and got me and Isabella strapped up to our monitors. I was having regular contractions (as I had been for some time) but was only 1 cm dilated (maybe) and still pretty "thick". The decision at this point was between an oral cervical ripening gel and a Foley balloon, to get my cervix to dilate. Unfortunately due to my contractions, the balloon was the best bet. So they went ahead and put in the balloon. I thought this was a good thing- no drugs, perhaps it would initiate a natural labor! Well it was easily the most painful thing I've ever experienced having that darn thing put in. Probably because I was just a little too undilated still for it. But it sure did get labor going! From 8pm until 12:30 I labored, and labored hard. I was having regular contractions and they sure seemed to be doing something. I did everything right- showering, walking, sitting on the birthing ball. It was hard though and oddly the most "comfortable" place was on the toilet. But I worked at it and breathed through the pain. I was "doing great" and had high hopes that I would have my baby by morning. Every so often they would tug on the balloon to see if it had dilated me to the 3+ cms that they are looking for with the balloon. No such luck.
When they checked me however, the progress was slow and barely happening. Finally at about 6am the doctor came back and determined that the balloon was not really in properly and therefore not doing what it needed to do. They took it out and were going to put in another. You can imagine I was just about on the ceiling at this prospect after so many hours of pain from labor that did nothing, and the worst procedure I'd ever experienced. So the doctor convinced me to get some pain meds- a little in my IV and two shots. Once that kicked in a bit they put the second balloon in. This was nothing like the first time, and what I imagine it should have been like if I had been in a better position for it. They also began pitocin at this time to help things continue to move.
Thanks to the meds (and in line with the advice of all of the doctors and nurses) I spent the day Thursday sleeping. Despite this very inactive labor (against all natural birth suggestions) I was still making progress throughout the day and having regular contractions. By the end of the day I had reached the ever important 4 cms marker! I thought for sure as the night progressed with the help of pitocin that things would really continue on the right track. Unfortunately by 10pm the doctor was back and not very happy with my progress. It was just going so slow I could be there for a week and no baby. She suggested that they break my water.
I genuinely lost it at this moment. I had worked so hard over the last day and a half and had already had more medical intervention than I'd hoped for. I was scared. The doctor asked me what I was scared about, what were my concerns, etc. She didn't want me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with, but this was her advice. I actually couldn't even put into words what I was worried about. Well actually I was mostly worried that it would "start the clock ticking" on my labor, putting me at high risk for c-section. She assured me that this wasn't the case. There was no clock and they would just watch me for infection by taking my temperature. I wasn't going to be pushed into a c-section unless they thought I was getting an infection, regardless of the time.
So I agreed to have my water broken. It wasn't painful at all, but it was seriously the flood of the ages. I couldn't believe how much fluid there was! Even the doctor and nurse were shocked at how much fluid came out. You can have excess fluid with GD, but since they've been checking me for fluid levels for weeks, no one expected as much as I had I guess! I kept thinking "gee all that fluid, maybe that means my baby is even smaller!" They also put in the internal monitor for Isabella since she kept coming off the external monitor and needed to watch her as long as I was on the pitocin. Also they put the internal contraction monitor on which tells you not only frequency (like the external contraction monitor) but strength as well. I swear I had more cords coming out of me at this point I felt a little bionic!
Right after they broke my water, I decided that my mental strength had been worn down and if I wanted to be able to push this baby out, I needed some pain management. I opted to get the epidural. I am very grateful that I made this decision even though it was the last thing I had planned on. The pain was too much for me to manage after such a long process.
The epidural itself wasn't painful to get. Yes the local stings a bit, but really the hardest part is to sit still through the contractions while they put it in. My epidural was a bit lopsided, a little too much on the left side. It freaked me out a little to be honest because I had almost no control over that leg. I could raise it up from the side, but couldn't lift it into a bent position or anything like that. We also had to call the doctor back in because this lopsidedness was a little more than just uncomfortable. I was still feeling cramping on my right side. But after the doctor came back the pain was all gone and I was able to relax a bit.
After the epidural I was able to sleep through the night. Thank goodness for this! At about 5am the doctors checked my progress and I was only 5 cms. I was devastated but trying to keep my head up. At 7am they checked me and I was 6cms. This was the fasted progress I'd made! I thought for sure things would pick up from here. Unfortunately around 6am I had started feeling a little nauseous and overheated. I thought it was just my blood sugar or something. I got cooled off but when the doctors came in I asked if I could have juice or something to eat because I thought I needed something. They told me no since I'd had the epidural.
Between these new day shift doctors and the day shift nurse, all of a sudden I felt bullied and unsupported. I had yet another mini breakdown when I found out that they decided to up my pitocin every 20 minutes. My sister talked me down and I tried to sleep a little. In retrospect the doctors and the nurse may not have been kind and gentle, but they were not doing anything inappropriate. I had just reached my capacity of dealing with this process.
The next thing I knew though I started feeling pressure with my contractions. They kept asking me to rate my pain and I kept telling them there was no pain just pressure. It really does feel like you need to go poop. They checked me around 9am and I was 8 cms! They said they'd be back in two hours. I told my sister that there was no way, they'd better be back before then because the pressure was becoming insane! Not only was I feeling the pressure but every few contractions I could feel the head moving out of the rectal area and into the birth canal. This baby was on her way.
Around 9:30 it was so intense we convinced the doctors to come back. They checked me and I was ready to go! Since I was having the pressure and feeling like I could push, they said I could push the baby down into the birth canal instead of laboring through it if I wanted. So at 9:45 I started pushing. It seemed like forever before there was a medical staff member even present for this. I just pushed with my sister and husband working me through each contraction.
From this point on I have to be honest, it is a little bit like a dream. I know it happened and that I experienced this birth, but it was all very surreal. Each contraction became more difficult to get through. I was pushing like my life depended on it though. It wasn't painful, but very uncomfortable and I just wanted the relief of having it over. At one point my motivation was "you didn't want a c-section, so here you go. You asked for this!" Another point my motivation was just my husband counting in my ear. I definitely had a couple of moments internally of "oh my god I can't do this" but knew that I had to. With the last couple of pushes my sister, husband and doctor all told me "she's right there, you can do it, she is nearly here!" That was the motivation at the end when it actually became painful. I don't know what the doctors were doing but it felt like they were ripping me open to get her head out!
Not terribly surprising I had some tearing. The doctor made a very small episiotomy cut to help her head out, which resulted in a very small tear. The doctor told me she doesn't like to do episiotomies so really it was very very small and not a big deal as far as tearing goes. However they told me as the baby came out she "scratched me" (what??? not sure about this explanation but whatever), and so I had a tear above my urethra. As a result, they worked on me for 45 minutes after delivery.
Isabella came out with a cry but her heart rate dropped right before delivery, and her cord was a little bit around her neck so they took her away to the baby warmer before I got her. Honestly, I needed the moment to recover anyhow and I could see her from my bed. I had the oxygen mask still from my laboring and kept it on to get my head back together. Once she was determined to be good, they brought her to me and put her right on my chest. It was no more than a couple of minutes and really did give me the chance to enjoy my first moment with my baby with a clear head.
I wouldn't describe it as love at first site, but more like coming home. It just felt right. Holding my little girl in my arms was the most calming and healing experience I think I've ever felt.
I will write soon about our first few days but for now this will have to do. Here are a few pictures of our baby girl on her birthday.
Karey it was so worth it! Congratulations! I am so proud of you. And I can't wait to meet your sweetheart!
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