I've written about it some here, but for the most part I have been pretty scared at the prospect of becoming a mom. Don't get me wrong, clearly we made the choice that becoming pregnant would be a possibility (pulled the goalie so to speak), but it happened so quickly I'm not sure I was actually ready. We had recently been spending more time with a new group of friends, and actually acting our age for once! We are still barely just settled in our home, and still have so much to learn about being homeowners. Aside from all of that, the years that I have spent in therapy have made me a little too aware of my own personal faults and how hard they are to fix.
With all of those factors in mind, I've been really scared at the reality of becoming a mom. Mostly I've been "going through the motions" as far as preparing to have a baby in the house, and really just dealing with the realities of pregnancy instead of the ultimate result of the pregnancy! Seriously- you mean I am going to be completely responsible for the well being of another human being???
Something in the last few days has shifted. The idea of holding my sweet little girl is becoming a reality that brings a smile to my face and not just panic to my head. =) I am starting to visualize what it will be like after delivery. I can imagine the warmth and love of holding a new born baby who is seeing the world for the first time. I look forward to Nick and I snuggling up on the couch with our new baby, just enjoying a quiet, sleepy moment together.
It is getting exciting! Now if I can just get through these last couple of weeks at work, rest up a bit on maternity, and finally meet our little girl!
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