There is a movement, particularly in the social media world, to end what has been dubbed the "mommy wars". (If you haven't seen the Similac commercial, watch it here, now!) It was historically quite normal to see divides among mothers for their parenting choices. Those who breastfed looked down on those who bottle fed. Those who worked looked down on stay at home moms as women, and those who stayed home looked down on working moms as mothers. Any choice was one that was open to judgment. I fully admit, I've had those moments. Nothing like breastfeeding or staying home, but being out in public and seeing a mom ignore her child who is bullying other kids, or hearing stories about babies being given chocolate milk in a bottle. It's true, I judge. However where I stand today, I am taking a stand with the other mommies out there and joining the mommyhood, the mommitment, the mommunity. I choose kindness and support over judgment. Aside from the fact that this is quite literally the hardest job I have ever had in my life and can use all the support I can get, where I stand today, after the five hardest years of my life, I understand what it means when you say it takes a village to raise a child.
When I had my daughter, my new mommy group was my lifeline. It was the one place I knew I would get to every single week no matter what because it held me up. I became friends with the women in that group through no known commonality other than having babies the same age. It was here that I was also given the best advice I ever received, and the only advice I will ever offer to new moms. There are a million books out there written on babies. No one has written a book on YOUR baby. Some of the advice may help, some may not. Take what works and leave the rest. YOU know YOUR baby better than anyone else. These women were my first experience in the mommyhood.
When my daughter was only 7 months old, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Again, it was so often other moms in my life who stepped up. Between family members and friends, I had meals, child care, gifts, cards, flowers, and support. I needed this support for nearly a full year. I thought every day that I didn't understand how people could live without an abundant community like mine.
Then I had my son. Between my pregnancy and the first year of his life, it was one of the darker times in my life. In retrospect it was because I had disconnected from my mommyhood. Many of us had two children and couldn't quite manage to get together like we had in the past. We were clinging to lifelines but barely surviving.
Shortly after my son turned one, my marriage hit the rocks hard. As I fought for my marriage, I turned to my mommyhood again. I needed the women in my life to lift me up. To remind me it would be okay. When my marriage ended, if I hadn't had the many women in my life to support me, I'm certain I would have crumbled. Instead I found I had a collection of "sister wives" who I could call on when I was faltering.
I consider myself immensely lucky to have such a phenomenal group of women, particularly other mothers, in my life. Now, when I discover another mom is struggling, I try to show up in whatever way I can. So my "mommitment" is to offer support instead of judgment. Kindness instead of critique. We don't have to be friends. We don't have to hang out or even agree with each others choices. But we do have to respect one another for doing what we believe is the best for our children. If I know something that I think might help, I will offer the information. If you don't choose to take it, it must mean you don't believe it is best for your family, and that is exactly perfect.
So I hope all you mommies out there will join the "mommitment" with me and end the mommy wars. This job is hard enough, don't you think?
No comments:
Post a Comment