Today feels like a dark day. There just seems to be sadness and tragedy in the world right now. Well at least my immediate world feels a bit that way. My dear friend Tika who has been fighting this disease alongside me just lost her husband in a freak accident. It is terrible, and sad, and my heart breaks for her. If you have prayers to spare, please say one for Tika and her family. She is an amazingly strong woman and I know she will get through this, but it is something she and her sweet little 6 month old boy shouldn't have to handle. They are kind, positive, and wonderful people. I pray for a miracle for her that they find her husband and he is ok. (He was knocked into a blowhole by a wave while on vacation in Maui. They searched for him for three days, but have found no sign.)
On top of that, my dear friend Mitchell just lost his dear friend and ex-wife Jackie to cancer. It is a battle that just hits a little too close to home. I trust that Jackie is out of pain now but it kills me that this disease ever wins.
For myself, I just heard back about my MRI. There is a tumor still. Greatly shrunken, but still there and significant. I'm a little unclear on the details as what was shared with me today didn't quite match what I was told previously. So when I meet with my surgeon (or presuming she calls me next week when she returns from vacation) I will nail down the details and share them with you. I guess I'm just disappointed that there is anything there still that is measurable. What scares me about it is that it will continue to grow between now and my surgery. I'm trusting that there is still chemo in my body that will suppress it until we can cut it out.
Anyhow I guess today, with all the sad news, I'm feeling the weight. I'm going to work on snapping out of it but I have to allow myself to experience the truth of this, and today, that is sadness.
I know everyone says don't lose hope but it's true. Days pass- bad days always end
ReplyDeleteI loved the kids book 'Alexander and the terrible horrible no good very bad day' when I was a kid. My favorite line at the end of the books was ' mom says there are always bad days, even in australia' (which is where the main character wanted to move to get away from his problems) but I know what your going through with the one step forward and five step back type of feeling. We have one more endoscopy to go to determine if the blockage that is left is still cancerous, if its spread past the esophagus and if we can do surgery. This disease is horrible, but at least we all come out stronger for it. My thoughts are with you and your friends suffering from this disease. I miss you my friend!
XOXO
-Jenny