S.O.S.

I was reminded just the other day of an agreement I made with a friend of mine.  We were talking about how hard it can be to reach out for support when that is exactly what we need, and may even want.  But if you don't know what kind of support you need. or possibly even what is wrong, knowing who to reach out to, or how to reach out to them is at times, impossible.  So we made an agreement that if one of us was ever in a space like that, all we had to do was send a text message.


S.O.S.


Hard to get more simple than that right?  Well, neither of us have ever used it.  But it is a good idea and one that I'm hoping to implement more fully in my life.  Now that I am on my own, I frequently feel like I am drowning.  Today is a perfect example of that.  I took some benedryl last night- early- thinking that if I got a really solid night of sleep that I would wake up today energized and ready to take on the world.  Instead, I made my daughter late to preschool because I was so completely exhausted I simply couldn't get out of bed.  That is only the beginning.  Then, my daughter melted down when I tried to leave her at preschool.  She was hyper emotional.  The truth is, our lives have been a little crazy.  First her dad was out of town for a week.  Then we had "normal" for a week.  Then I went out of town for a week.  Then we had "normal" for half a week.  Now her dad is out of town again, this time for 12 days.  So we are talking about an entire month of "not normal"... No wonder the poor girl is struggling with some high emotions.  When I finally left, my son melted down.  He desperately wants to stay and play at school like the big kids.  He and I did okay during the rest of our morning, a little grocery shopping and some cartoons kept us together.  Then the afternoon was just one high emotion to the next between the two kids, and frankly, me.  We are all tired.  We are all worn out.  None of us are doing great.  There is nothing actually wrong.  We have all gotten enough sleep.  We have all eaten well.  We could all probably stand to move our bodies more, but we are healthy.  Still, we are simply out of sorts.


Take all of that, and add on a messy house.  I've been drowning.  And my good days don't bring me up high enough to start at zero again.  Today, my "wins" were: getting milk at the store before we ran out, sweeping the dining room, making a really delicious and healthy dinner, getting the kids to bed on time, and getting the trash cans out to the curb.  I'm not dissing any of those things.  Those are solid wins.  But as I look around at my house, the laundry piling up, my bedding needing to be changed, every floor needing a really good vacuum/sweep/mop, the front yard needing tending, plants needing watering... The list continues... It is hard to not feel like I should just let go and accept that I am going to drown.  That getting my head out of water isn't going to happen.


And so back to my original premise.  I offer you the S.O.S.  I am really good at showing up for other people when I can't show up for myself.  If my sister or a friend called me falling apart the way I feel inside right now, I would go to their house, cleaning tools in hand, or dinner at the ready, and get to work.  Finding my way to do that for myself seems so much more epically challenging.  I know that I have people like that in my life too.  So although I am not at the moment invoking the S.O.S. I am setting forth that from here on out, it is available.  Anytime, simply text, email, call, or post those three little letters, and I will step up to help you save our selves.  I promise, I will use it too. =)