I have had a number of people ask me lately if I am okay. They notice I am struggling in one way or another. So they ask. So here is my answer.
I am not okay. I am struggling. I hurt more than I don't. I'm angry often. I don't understand where I fit in this world. I had the one person who was supposed to be in my corner for life, betray me. Then fight me. My health has been up and down. I have fought hard. I am tired. I simultaneously know that I have a great deal to offer the world, and yet feel I cannot do anything. Most of all- my heart is still really broken- not over the man, but over the life. My entire life has exploded. Nearly all of what I knew is no longer. Even as I recognize that the life hadn't fit me well, until you have completely dismantled your life and had to put it back together, you won't know the ache of messiness that is this process.
And at the same time...
I am okay. I have truly wonderful, good people in my life who love and support me. I have two amazing children. I have a great job with a fantastic boss. I have a reliable car to drive. I have a home. I have plenty of food to eat. I am alive. I wake up every day. I have the strength to know I can continue to put one foot in front of the other. I beat cancer. I survived infidelity. Ultimately- I've got this.
I am asking for nothing. Kindness and understanding are always welcome. Honesty too. I know I have faults. They run pretty deep. But if you know me, you should know that my heart is softer than most and I never intend harm. Not really. If I'm being a jerk, odds are that I am in an enormous amount of pain. I'm like a rolo- hard shell, gooey on the inside. If you can- keep that in mind.
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