39 weeks pregnancy questionnaire

How far along? 39 weeks

How big is baby? 19-22 in, 7.5 lbs- by my app on my phone, but probably more like  8.5 lbs!

Total weight gain/loss: I have gained one pound.  =)

Maternity clothes? Yes

Sleep: Very difficult.  Waking regularly between needing to pee, contracting, switching sides... I'm lucky to get a solid hour these days.

Best moment this week: After yet another meltdown due to the universe telling me it is not yet time to have this baby, my sister showed up for me and called her acupuncturist to get me an appointment asap.  It definitely had me contracting, so we will see if it works!

Movement: Very active though running out of room

Food cravings: None

Food Aversions: none

Gender: All boy

Labor Signs: Tons of contractions, some real, some "practice, dilated to nearly 3 cms!

Pregnancy Symptoms: All of the old standards still apply.

Belly Button in or out? In

What I miss: my sanity.

What I am looking forward to:  meeting our little man one way or another sometime this week.

Upcoming appointments/events: I go back to the OB on Monday if I haven't gone into labor by then.  We will schedule the induction at that time.

Weekly Wisdom: You have no control.  Accept that now.

Milestones: no real milestones this week...

Bump Picture: 39 weeks  This will be the last picture no matter what since my induction will be scheduled on or before my due date.  As big as I'm gonna get!

Sometimes the universe has other plans...

I woke up this morning feeling rather frustrated as I get closer and closer to having to schedule my induction.  So to take charge I decided to call my doctors office and head down to have my membranes stripped between my weekly appointments.  I thought if it didn't get things going on its own, that coupled with doing it again on Friday, surely I'd been in labor by the end of the weekend.

I got to my doctors office, checked in and settled in to wait for my appointment.  As I sat there I started to smell gas.  Natural gas, the type you'd smell from your gas stovetop if it didn't light properly.  I stood up to ask the ladies at the front if they smelled it too and heard them talking about it.  All of us smelled it and it had come on quite suddenly.  We all started to go outside (maybe it would be better?) while the office manager called the fire department.  She came out and indicated we all needed to evacuate fully.  And so, I was not seen.  No taking charge, no forging ahead.  Just more sitting and waiting.

I am still scheduled for Friday but will also be scheduling my induction date on Friday.  I was really really hoping to avoid even scheduling induction, let alone having one.  I'm not sure at what point during the week we will schedule the induction, and clearly we still have some time but I'm feeling the pressure and a bit disappointed that I'm even at this point.  Today was just one more blow.

So send me baby having juju!  If he was born any time tomorrow his birthday would be 10-11-12.  How cute would that be?!?!  Come on baby boy- it is time!!!

The waiting game

I'm trying very hard these days to not "just wait" for our little man to make his appearance.  Admittedly however, I am getting grumpier and grumpier each day that he doesn't decide to join us.  I've decided it is primarily due to the fact that I am yet again facing down the barrel of the induction gun.  If he doesn't come on his own first, I will be scheduled for induction some time next week.  I really really want to avoid that.  I just believe whole heartedly that if my body gets to do it the old fashioned way, that it will be a quick process.  I've been contracting like crazy for two weeks now.  And I'm not just talking about the contractions that I've been having for months.  These ones are different.  I've decided I'm in prodromal labor, which is a fancy word for "your body is laboring and getting things going, but not kicking into active labor and just means you get to be uncomfortable on and off until this baby decides its time to come."  Yeah, awesome.  Maybe there is something to be said for induction.  True I had a 45 hour induction and that felt like forever, but it might be better than contracting on and off for weeks.  At least I didn't feel desperate to get Bella out of me like I feel this time.  Other than just wanting to avoid induction, I was okay.  I could rest when I wanted, do what I wanted, and wasn't horribly horribly uncomfortable.  Well I was in more constant pain ironically.

So anyhow, there's my (sadly disgruntled) update.  No news.  I go to bed every night hoping my water will break, only to wake up in the morning disappointed that I have another day in front of me that I have to figure out what to do with.  Poor Bella deserves a mommy who can do more than put on another cartoon.  I'm trying, but it is exhausting.  Mommies deserve maternity leave too you know. =)  Here's hoping I'll have some different news soon!

38 weeks Pregnancy Questionnaire

How far along? 38 weeks

How big is baby? 19-22 in, not quite 7 lbs- by my app on my phone, but probably more like 7 lbs 10 oz!

Total weight gain/loss: Still about prepregnancy weight

Maternity clothes? Yes

Sleep: It is getting harder for sure.  I'm hurting more again and it is really hard to flip from side to side to alleviate the pressure.  I'm also waking around 5:30am each morning and struggling to go back to sleep for 1-2 hours.  Brutal!

Best moment this week: Had a solid conversation with Nick about names (just tonight!) and think we have some strong contenders going in to game time.  I think we both feel much more comfortable than we did before.

Movement: Still pretty active.  It was tough to keep him on the monitor at this week's NST.

Food cravings: None

Food Aversions: none

Gender: All boy

Labor Signs: Tons of contractions, some even felt "real".  A little more progress made but wavering between hopeful that labor is imminent and thinking I'm still facing induction in about a week and a half...

Pregnancy Symptoms: All of the old standards still apply.

Belly Button in or out? In

What I miss: Not spending each night contracting to distraction and wondering if maybe, just maybe, my water will break in the middle of the night only to wake up semi disappointed that it has not.

What I am looking forward to:  meeting our little boy (hopefully soon!) and maybe getting a little bit of "me" back.

Upcoming appointments/events: NST on Tuesday and OB on Friday.  Fingers crossed that I do not make either of these appointments.

Weekly Wisdom: Expectations often lead to disappointment.  Try to let go.

Milestones: no real milestones this week...

Bump Picture: 38 weeks

37 weeks pregnancy questionnaire

How far along? 37 weeks

How big is baby? 19-22 in, 6.5 lbs- by my app on my phone, but probably more like 7 lbs 3 oz!

Total weight gain/loss: Hovering around my prepregnancy weight

Maternity clothes? Yes

Sleep: Every night is different.  Its getting a little harder again.

Best moment this week: Finding out I've begun making progress! 50% effaced, fingertip dilated and baby is a -1 station (nearly engaged!)

Movement: Although still very active and strong, seems to be slowing down a touch.  Hoping this means labor is soon!

Food cravings: None

Food Aversions: none

Gender: All boy

Labor Signs: contractions (some have even been intense or painful) and some cervical progress!

Pregnancy Symptoms: All of the old standards still apply.

Belly Button in or out? In

What I miss: Just the freedom to do what I'd like without my body limiting me.

What I am looking forward to:  The possibility of going in to labor the old fashioned way!

Upcoming appointments/events: Non-stress test on Monday and my next OB appt on Friday.  Doesn't seem like I will have any other extra appointments until this kid comes!

Weekly Wisdom: Trust your body.  It can do what it needs to, and muscle memory is (hopefully) very real!

Milestones: Progress!!!  Oh and my strep B test came back negative too, so that's good news!

Bump Picture: 37 weeks- starting to look a little puffy!  Here's hoping that means I'm close to done!

36 week questionnaire

How far along? 36 weeks

How big is baby? 19-22 in, 6 lbs- by my app on my phone, but 6 lbs 12 oz by today's ultrasound!

Total weight gain/loss: Pretty consistently showing prepregnancy weight, within a couple of pounds.  Today's OB appointment showed no change from two weeks ago though!

Maternity clothes? Yes

Sleep: Not terrible considering.  I have to drink an entire glass of water (sometimes more) right before bed, so up once or twice to pee seems like a victory to me!

Best moment this week: The sprinkle two weeks ago was for sure a highlight, still need to post about it (though am waiting on pictures to share since none were on a camera I own!), and working out my medical appointments business over the last couple of weeks were a highlight!

Movement: He is very active and strong.  Seems mellow at the same time though.  Not sure how to explain it.  I feel like Bella was much more of a stinker in utero than little boy is but he is for sure stronger!

Food cravings: None

Food Aversions: none

Gender: All boy

Labor Signs: contractions (felt by me and measured on the monitors)

Pregnancy Symptoms: All of the old standards still apply.

Belly Button in or out? In

What I miss: Not contracting with every little effort, not groaning for most movements... Oh I've officially had to give up shoes that tie!

What I am looking forward to:  Hitting full term and hopefully going in to labor!

Upcoming appointments/events: Life has settled down a teeny bit.  I have weekly OB appointments now, and weekly non-stress tests.  I tack on other appointments as needed (endocrinologist, counseling, ultrasounds, etc) but it is much more manageable than it felt even a month ago!

Weekly Wisdom: Not taking "no" for an answer can serve you, but leaving your emotions out of it (if possible) will help immensely.

Milestones: Had my first "weekly" OB appointment and met the new OB at my doctors office!

Bump Picture: This will become a weekly post until baby boy decides it is time to arrive!  Pictures and all!

Deep breath

I'm going to blame hormones, well, because I can.  But it seems that my emotional state is getting worse not better.  I'm doing the right things, going to counseling, talking to the people around me, seeking support, but I'm finding that I'm in a constant state of low-level anxiety with limited coping skills as a result.  I'm trying, and hopefully once this whole non-stress test insurance situation has fully shaken out (nearly there!) it will improve, but some of it I am just trying to take in stride.

Okay, so what is going on?  Well the first realization that I had is that I'm feeling very much as though this is the beginning of the cancer saga.  Don't get me wrong, I don't believe that I am going to get cancer again, but my emotional and medical journey began at the end of my pregnancy with Bella.  I have an emotional through line from the end of my pregnancy, into delivery, through breastfeeding, and straight into cancer.  It isn't rational exactly, but understandable.  After explaining that to Nick, he agreed and said that he actually felt the same way.  So we both feel a little bit like we are holding our breath to be sure it isn't going to happen again.  I at least enjoyed a little validation in Nick feeling the same way, and that it wasn't just me being crazy. =)

On top of that, I've been dealing with this nonsense with testing and my insurance blahdy blah blah blah.  I've found an OB's office in the next town north (different county, but same drive as the hospital I'm currently being referred to), that does non-stress tests in their office.  This means I will have no co-pay, or a standard office visit ($20).  I can handle that. =)  They have said I can go there, it is in network for my insurance, and doesn't require anything additional on my part (from what I can tell).  Sadly, after a horrible phone call from one of the doctors in my OB's office that I have yet to deal with, I received another phone call from them after I called with this news.  Their only response to me was that if the doctor saw anything wrong that they would send me to a different hospital to have my baby (the one closer to them), and if I was okay with that then I could go there.  I do understand that if there was an emergency situation I would need to go to the nearest hospital and in theory that means my OBs office would not be able to be there for delivery.  However, most likely anything they see on a NST would not be "emergency" and I would have time to drive down to my hospital.  The only reason I mention this is that it feels like my OBs office is not in my corner.  I do not feel supported by them at all because I'm not just doing what they tell me to do in full compliance without questioning.  It worries me about how my delivery will go.  I'm going to have to deal with this face to face in my OBs office I think to make sure we are all still on the same page.

Finally I had a growth ultrasound today and it left me a little freaked out.  Baby boy is measuring quite large, which isn't in itself surprising, though he jumped percentiles and that scares me a little.  According to today's measurements he is trending towards 10 pounds at full term.  Yikes.  I know how hard it was to push out 8.5 pounds, so another pound and a half is quite intimidating.  What left me more anxious however, is that the ratio of his head to his abdomen is trending the wrong way.  It is still fine, but closer than it was at the last ultrasound and close in general.  The radiology doctor said my OB might want me to go back for another scan.  I hope she does.  Essentially if the abdomen is larger than the head, you run the risk of shoulder dystocia or the baby getting stuck after the head is out.  Not good for mommy or baby.  Just don't want to even come close to that being an issue because I just don't trust that the doctors won't push for c-section.

And all of this is tied up in to crazy low lying stuff about guilt around my gestational diabetes, and not being able to do much anymore because I am tired and mentally/emotionally at capacity.  I seriously don't know how people have had babies over and over throughout history.  I admit, I feel a little bit like a failure because this is so dang hard.

Life is not all bad.  We had an AMAZING time at my sprinkle this past weekend.  I want to do it justice with its own post when I'm not grumpy and upset over unrelated things.  I am so blessed to have such an amazing community of women in my life.  I was not only sprinkled but spoiled this weekend.  And little man has already got a wardrobe that rivals his sisters.  =)  So I will leave you on that note of positivity with a whole post to come on it.  Five and a half weeks or less and little man will be here.  Count down!

34 weeks Questionnaire

Look!  I'm doing this on time!!!

How far along? 34 weeks

How big is baby? 19-22 in, 4.9 lbs (by my app on my phone)

Total weight gain/loss: Back at prepregnancy weight it seems, though water weight can certainly vary quite a bit still.

Maternity clothes? Yes

Sleep: Still up every couple of hours to switch sides, but only once or twice to pee usually.  Sleeping deeply aside from that though.

Best moment this week: Not much really happened this week to be honest.  Tomorrow is baby boy's "sprinkle" though, which is exciting!

Movement: Still very strong and active.  Last night I told Nick I felt like he wanted to break straight out of my belly, which I don't remember feeling so much with Isabella.

Food cravings: None

Food Aversions: none

Gender: All boy

Labor Signs: contractions

Pregnancy Symptoms:  All of the old standards still apply. 

Belly Button in or out? In

What I miss: Feeling semi-sane! =)

What I am looking forward to:  The sprinkle tomorrow and the growth scan on Tuesday!

Upcoming appointments/events: still busy.  Canceled my NST for today due to an insurance mess, and will likely cancel it for Tuesday as well, though I do need to have them, so I'm figuring out a solution for that.  Growth scan on Tuesday... Two weeks till my next OB appt but then I'm on for weekly appointments... My endocrinologist is supposed to be every two weeks also, but their office is a mess so I will see them on Monday, and probably one last time before I deliver.  I'm also continuing with counseling until the end since the mess of my emotions seems to be getting worse not better.  I'll write a different post on that though.

Weekly Wisdom: Being an active and discretionary consumer, particularly of your medical and insurance needs, can be a huge pain, but is very important.  It is much too easy to fall through the cracks.

Milestones: Started non-stress tests...

Bump Picture: Next post, and then I believe weekly till little boy arrives! =)  Here's another sneak from our family session though.

32 Weeks Questionnaire

How far along? 32 (and a half) weeks

How big is baby? 19 in, 4.5 lbs (though again I'm sure he is bigger)

Total weight gain/loss: Starting to regain back to my starting weight... Chances are this is where I will start to see the slight gain happen.

Maternity clothes? Yes

Sleep: Varies each night but the reality is that I have to switch sides every hour or two at most or my body HURTS!  My hips and knees and ribs in particular get pushed out on whatever side I'm lying on.

Best moment this week: Taking our family photos was the highlight of this week.  Though last week we painted the nursery, and ordered or received every large item I needed for it which was HUGE.  I'm semi sane again thanks to that!

Movement: He is a strong and busy little boy.  Less patterned in his movements than Bella was (she was pretty predictable) but very active.

Food cravings: None

Food Aversions: none

Gender: All boy

Labor Signs: contractions

Pregnancy Symptoms:  Tired, sore, easily worn out, contractions, and big!  Oh and the acid reflux is starting to be a daily occurrence too.  Gratefully still MUCH better than it was with Bella though!

Belly Button in or out? In

What I miss: Not hurting most all the time.

What I am looking forward to: Our next growth scan to see how big this little man is getting.  Hopefully still on track to be 82 percentile!

Upcoming appointments/events: oh my goodness I am BUSY!  I am now doing non-stress tests twice a week, seeing my OB every two weeks and my endocrinologist every two weeks.  I will up to weekly appointments with my OB at 36 weeks too but that's another month away! Feels like tomorrow though.  All this and our next growth ultrasound is scheduled for September 11th.  Oh yeah, I'm also doing some counseling for me every couple of weeks since I've recently discovered I'm sort of a mess... =)

Weekly Wisdom: Contractions do not equal labor and I can push through to a point.  As long as I'm not in pain, which is a whole separate issue most days!

Milestones: taking a new set of family photos which included some lovely maternity shots!

Bump Picture: What a difference a month makes!

32 weeks vs 28 weeks

Wow!

Talk about progress! Over the last two and a half days we have: painted the nursery, put together the crib, ordered the changing table, ordered the rug, purchased and installed a new light fixture, purchased and installed blackout curtains, and even made the bed (crib). I would say in another week or so I should be ready to post a full reveal of little boys nursery!!!

HUGE thanks to Nicks mom who painted her tushy off for three straight days and gifted us the crib. Another big thanks to Lindsay for joining the painting party and doing an outstanding job getting the color on the walls. Thanks to Nick for tolerating my crazy and pushing through for two straight weekends even when all he wants to do is relax. Thanks to my mom for helping with regular house maintenance and occupying Bella so we could get these things done.

I really can't wait to get the room done and share the results! I'm excited about it and so far it really looks like it is coming together!

Follies

This week has confronted me with some of my personal follies.  We all have them.  Some we are more aware of than others.  Some cause real issues in our lives, other slight inconvenience or discomfort.  Often they are those "issues" that come up time and time again in our lives.  One of the ones that came up for me today is my increasing need to ask for help.  Try as I may, I just can't do it all.  In fact, every day, I can't even do most.  As everything gets more and more difficult for me, I look back to my pregnancy with Bella.  Of course, every pregnancy is different, but the clear difference here is having a child that I have to keep up with.  I realized today though that by this point in my last pregnancy, the nursery was done and I had enjoyed both of my baby showers.  I was sent to labor and delivery approximately three weeks from now for the first time.  This is also when I had to slow down at work (or be forced off early by my doctors).  I am five weeks away from going on maternity full time.  I had to stop my exercise classes and was doing little other than relaxing and mentally preparing.

The question keeps going through my mind- how do people have multiple children and just keep going?  This is a normal part of most people's lives so I just can't help but wonder- how do they do it?  I will have Bella on my own from waking to sleep tomorrow and am seriously considering how to manage that.  This shouldn't be a big deal, but I'm tired just thinking about it!

So this leads me to my folly.  I struggled asking for help when I was going through treatment.  I worked on it and I think came to an acceptable place.  Now that I'm in "need" again, I just don't want to do it.  Not unless there is a reason.  I don't even want to talk to Nick about where I'm at and what that means in having him step up.  Somehow I feel like it is unreasonable.  He is going out to dinner tomorrow with the owner of his company and a new hire.  This is a reasonable and important thing for him to do.  I understand it.  But it feels hard to me.  That is an unreasonable response I know, but then the underlying feelings are not unreasonable.  So how do I deal?  How do I say "I'm so sorry but I need you home when you're not working your normal hours."  Is that even fair?  We will get through it of course.  And just as I figured out how to care for a newborn the first time, I will figure out how to care for both my children as it comes.  Not much I can do now other than stress about it, so I won't.  Two more months!

Progress!

This weekend thanks to much sweat equity from Nick and my mom, and babysitting from Nick's mom, we cleared out the nursery (woohoo!).  I had a clear need since we have to paint, since my blinds are here and ready for installation.  That certainly kicked me into high gear.  After considering seven paint samples, and seriously considering adding an eighth, I have chosen a paint color.  I have received some excellent, expert advice from a friend of Nick's mom who is a professional, high end, painter, and am going to go buy the necessary paints tomorrow.  We also ordered the crib (a gift from Nick's mom).  Wow- serious progress on little boy's room.

Then after I had a meltdown on Sunday (despite so much amazing progress on Saturday), Nick kicked in to gear and completed two of my projects- organizing and cleaning our linen closet, and organizing and sorting through Bella's mountain of toys.  Fantastic!

Today, I decided that I could cross another item off my list and clean Bella's closet.  I didn't actually think it was such a huge deal, mostly chaos on top of order.  Turned into a three-ish hour project.  Thank goodness my mom was home and happy to entertain Bella while I finished it.  She found me in a pile on the floor and said if I got Bella dressed they would go for a walk.  I gratefully accepted and two hours later re-emerged.  I must say though, Bella's closet looks amazing now.  I still need to go through her dresser drawers, but that actually isn't a big deal.

I'm feeling so good about the progress.  Although there are still projects to finish, that might have been a good third of my list.  At least it was some of the bigger projects (I think).  Mostly it is the aftermath of finding homes for all of the stuff being removed from what was the office and now is the nursery.  Some of my projects are in a holding pattern until I get the nursery painted and the furniture in place since I haven't completely decided on the final furniture returning to the nursery. 

Anyhow I thought I would share since I've mostly been in a bit of a funk and struggling to just manage the day to day, let alone the big projects in front of me.  It always feels good to make positive strides and have an energy shift!  Lets hope I still feel this way in the morning!  I'm pretty sure I will.

30 weeks pregnancy questionnaire

How far along? 30 weeks

How big is baby? 18 inches, 3.2 lbs (according to my tracker, but we know he is already bigger than this...)
Total weight gain/loss: Holding steady a few pounds down from pre-pregnancy which means losing as baby grows!

Maternity clothes? Yes

Sleep: When I sleep, I sleep hard.  Starting the random late pregnancy insomnia though.  I woke up at 4:30 the other morning and could have started my day.  Unfortunately I would have been ready to go back to sleep about the time Bella would have woken up!

Best moment this week: Clearing out the nursery and ordering the crib!

Movement: Very active, very strong.  Seems to maybe be getting a little tight in there though because the movements are bigger but less these days.  He isn't up in my ribs (yet) though so I'm assuming he'll still get a little more room at some point!

Food cravings: None

Food Aversions: none

Gender: All boy

Labor Signs: contractions

Pregnancy Symptoms:  You name it, I've got it at this point.  Well, for late term anyhow.  Hormones are definitely kicking into high gear.  Not sure if I'm nesting or just crazy, but kicking into high gear with getting the nursery and house in order.  Everything is getting harder each day.  I carried a light but awkward part of a desk down the hallway yesterday and managed to hurt myself.  I went to the grocery store tonight and was beat (and contracting) by the time I got home.
Belly Button in or out? In

What I miss: Energy and physical capability to do just about anything with ease.  And the freedom to focus my energy and attention on my daughter without ending up in a panic attack over everything else.

What I am looking forward to: Painting the nursery!

Upcoming appointments/events: prenatal and endocrinologist on Friday, "sprinkle" in a few weeks and our final growth ultrasound after that!  Oh and our family photo shoot (final one as a family of three) is coming up too.

Weekly Wisdom: Deep breathing and a decent nights sleep can help put just about anything in perspective.

Milestones: ordering the crib

Bump Picture: next time!

Getting crazier?

Today I hit a new level of crazy.  I have put six paint samples on the wall of little boy's nursery.  I *think* I have decided on one, but have spent much of the day considering adding a seventh sample.  When we put together Bella's nursery I knew exactly what I wanted in a paint color.  People thought I was crazy explaining it, but I had it in my head precisely.  Since I have wavered on the color itself for this room, picking a shade has been amazingly challenging.  (By the way, gray paint is tough to choose even when you do know what you want.  Who knew that the wrong shade could be green, blue, purple, or brown???)  I am also struggling picking an actual crib.  I'm down to two (not terrible) but one looks better as a crib and seems better made, while the other looks better as a bed (which he will have for a much longer time clearly).  Gratefully we aren't in as terrible a rush to choose the crib as we are to choose the paint, but I can't get the nursery done until the crib is chosen either...

Anyhow, I feel like a crazy person.  I'm not usually this level of indecisive plus I am having actual anxiety (nearly panic attack level) in desperate need to have it done.  Is this nesting?  If so- thank goodness I didn't go through it with Bella's room!  My goal this weekend is to have the nursery cleared out and ready for paint, the paint purchased, and maybe even the crib selected (maybe ordered?).  I will also have the installation scheduled for the new blinds I have ordered for both nurseries and our bedroom.  Hopefully that will be enough to tame the crazy beast in my head.  Then I will have the week to paint (looking like a painting party on Friday night!) and the projects left maybe will feel less pressing.  Sadly though, the list is quite long.  Things like clearing out Bella's closet, and organizing the linen and hall closets.  So much to do, so little time.  Definitely fantasizing about the organizing fairies coming into my house and magically fixing everything exactly the way I imagine it. =)

Pregnancy Questionnaire- 28 (and a half) weeks

How far along? 28.5 weeks  Third Trimester!

How big is baby? 17 inches (head to toes now), 2.9 lbs Though actually he is measuring big so more like 3.5 lbs!

Total weight gain/loss: Holding steady a few pounds down from prepregnancy which means losing as baby grows!

Maternity clothes? Yes

Sleep: Getting harder.  Having to pee in the middle of the night, turn more often as it gets uncomfortable, and adjusting pillows regularly to support my changing body.

Best moment this week: Confirming how big our little man is!

Movement: Super super active.  I don't remember Bella being this active, or strong, this early, but I haven't gone back to check these updates either.  He is actually making it tough to sleep at times since he is so busy.

Food cravings: None

Food Aversions: none

Gender: It's a boy!!!! (Confirmed yet again today!)

Labor Signs: regular contractions, though this will go on for months.  Fun, right?

Pregnancy Symptoms:  I feel huge.  Baby boy is so active, kicking and moving all over.  Hard to be in any position for any amount of time without getting very uncomfortable.  Peeing a lot again (this child seems to like to sit on my bladder a lot more than Bella did).  Can't eat too much without feeling sickeningly full.  Hard to bend over, lift, or do just about anything.  Getting pretty tired again.

Belly Button in or out? In

What I miss: Just being able to do what I want, when I want.  I am teaching Bella that I often can't pick her up, and that makes me sad, though we make up for it with snuggles and hand holding.  Having any amount of energy.

What I am looking forward to: Finally getting the nursery ready.

Upcoming appointments/events:  prenatal and endocrinologist on Thursday

Weekly Wisdom: pregnancy exaggerates emotions- good, bad and ugly.

Milestones: growth scan

Bump Picture: 28 weeks!

Can you see what this picture is?  It is his head and shoulder profile, and both arms are up.  The one closer to us is out in front of his face, and the one away from us is wrapped up on his head.  I think little boy was napping during our scan today.  This was sadly the best picture we got.

Behind the ball...

I know I'm overdue on my pregnancy update (not to mention having skipped the one prior!) and have been quite remiss on my blogging in general.  I think I may have hit critical mass with this pregnancy.  I'm trying very hard to keep up with my amazing two year old and give her as much quality time as possible, while also trying to get my house ready for her little brother.  And boy, do we have a lot to do!  Meanwhile my calendar seems to be unrelenting.  I may have to start passing on social events just to accomplish the things I need to without totally losing my mind.

I've also realized how poorly timed this pregnancy is in regards to processing cancer.  Although it couldn't have started at a better time (pulling me out of a funk quite quickly), as I approach the end, I realize I have a lot of work to do on myself, but feel as though I don't have the time, or capacity to do it.  I'm considering calling the counselor I worked with during treatment as she at least knows my story and I wouldn't have to start over.  I could certainly squeeze in a "refresher" with her in hopes that it will help clear some of the gunk that is building up.  Its tough though to consider adding any appointments to my already full medical calendar when all I want to do is spend time with Isabella, and have a growing desperate need to get my house ready for baby boy.  Not to mention the waning energy and physical ability to do much of anything.

As usual, my community is amazing and offers of help have certainly come in.  I'm sure I will take advantage of some of these offers (a painting party may well be on the books in the near future) but in general I am so sick of not being at decent capacity for myself that I just don't want to ask, or even accept the help.  I'll have no choice quite soon, but it is a disheartening place to be.  Tonight I was feeling grumpy after dinner and guilty that I wasn't "doing anything"... To be fair, I had just cooked a really nice dinner (meatloaf cupcakes with mashed potato frosting, zucchini and fresh corn on the cob) and was a little tired from that.  In my head I was mad at someone for judging me (myself I imagine)... In this internal moment, I thought "I should start telling people- I am doing something, I'm making a human!"... Because apparently I was being judged in that moment for not "doing anything"... Again- all in my head.  I quickly realized that I was arguing with myself and no one was in fact judging me.  It's tough though.  To never feel like you're enough.  I'd better get that one under decent control before little boy joins us, because in many regards, this is only going to get worse!

On a more positive note, I was thinking about how amazing babies (and our bodies) are.  A friend of mine is due in August with her first baby (also a little boy).  He has been hanging out transverse (sideways) for the majority of her pregnancy.  It was looking very much like this mama was going to get stuck with a c-section.  Then, just the other day, she felt him moving a ton and low and behold, he had turned into position!  I couldn't help but wonder, what is it that makes babies turn the right way like that?  What instinct drives us to get ready for the next big step.  I've heard a number of stories like this and it just strikes me as truly miraculous.  I look forward to seeing my own miracle tomorrow on the (sort of) big screen!  We have a growth scan tomorrow to find out just how big our little man is!  I'm admittedly nervous because he feels awfully big and active to me, but here's hoping he is right on target for a slightly above average size!  Wish us luck!

The Nursey- Final Viewing

I'm really proud of how the nursery turned out.  I think it is pretty and girly, but still classy and warm.  I realize that it will likely never look this way again, since everything will change once we are actually using it, so I wanted to share my vision for our baby girl's beautiful nursery.  Some of these pictures will look similar to what you've seen before, and others will be brand new!

The two blankets that you see were handmade for Isabella.  The purple one is from her great Noni, Marie, and the beige one is from her great aunt Judith.

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." - Eleanor Roosevelt

 I made this for Isabella using wall stickers.  I loved the quilted look and the hummingbirds too.
A little nod to her great grandma Patricia.

 These were decorations from my baby shower that my sister's Sarah and KC threw.  KC actually made the dragonflies.  I used some of the butterflies and dragonflies to add to the mobile above the bed, and the rest you see here above the rocking chair.

I needed a small trashcan for the room and wasn't impressed with any of the "cute" ones that I saw.

So I bought a really basic plain white one, and used some of the leftover stickers!

I am very pleased with the result.

The table for the rocking chair.  I'm sure there will be a great deal of use for this eventually, but for now it is the home of our twilight turtle- at least until it is time to start using it.

"I feel just like a princess."  I hope she does in all the right ways. =)

The dresser and changing table.  I still haven't broken down the amazing diaper cake my friend Angela made, so it gets to live on the changing table until it is time to put it to use!

The closet.  This child already has so many clothes it is a little silly!  And these are only the ones that are 3 months or bigger!  I'm also ready for the shoe collection, which she is starting out with 6 pairs.  As you can see the closet is also storage for all those things we just can't use quite yet, including our diaper stash!

And finally the super cute laundry basket I found.  We'll see how it works out.  I may end up swapping my own with this one if it isn't convenient enough, but we'll go with cute for now!

Final Weekly Update

How far along? 39 Weeks

How big is baby? I am guessing she is just under 8 lbs and 21 inches.  Place your bets now folks!

Total weight gain/loss: Somewhere under 10 lbs total weight gain, though not entirely sure the actual number.  Looking forward to seeing what that scale says after she's out!

Maternity clothes? yes, though even those are a tad uncomfy at this point

Sleep: Still pretty well.  Up to pee, but easily napping during the day too.

Best moment this week: Just accepting that my birth "plan" is changing a little.

Movement: Every day and quite regularly.  Her active times are in the afternoon (after lunch) and late evening (between 9 and midnight usually).  I get some activity in the morning too, but nothing like the afternoon and evening.  It will be interesting to see if this is any indication of what her active cycles will be as an outside baby!

Food cravings: none

Food Aversions: none

Gender: All girl!

Labor Signs: no progress despite all these contractions.  Here's hoping that my induction is still smooth tomorrow with minimal medical intervention.

Belly Button in or out? In

What I miss: not feeling like the doctor's plaything.  I realize the precautions are all appropriate, but sometimes it's hard to accept when I know that there is in truth nothing to worry about.

What I am looking forward to: seeing my baby girl in the outside world.  I wonder if she'll have dark hair and olive skin like her daddy, or be more fair like me.  Will she come out with blue eyes, or brown?  So many exciting things to find out.

Weekly Wisdom: I say this in the most non-religious way possible, but- Let go, and let god.  We usually have little control over the way things go, and ultimately it will be perfect in its imperfection.  I trust that everything will be exactly as it should be, and that ultimately I always have the right to ask questions, and say no if something doesn't feel right.

Milestones: Scheduling induction!  Let's see when baby girl decides to actually join us!

Bump Picture: The final one!

The end is near

Much to my surprise at my last doctors appointment, we set the induction date.  I always knew that they wouldn't let me go past my due date, but since things have actually been going quite well, I thought they would let me get close.  I had sort of been thinking that Friday the 23rd would be the earliest (since I am due on a Tuesday and I don't think they like to schedule inductions on the weekend).

Well this is where the surprise came in.  The doctor doesn't want me to go much past 39 weeks now because of the concern with my blood pressure (the reason I've been sent to Labor and Delivery twice).  I am officially 39 weeks this Tuesday!  So induction is set for the next day, Wednesday July 21st.  This is Nick's brother Gerlando's birthday.  The one day I was trying to avoid!  Go figure.

The other unfortunate news is that despite all of these contractions I've been having, I haven't made any "progress" other than perhaps a little cervical softening.  Still "closed and long".  So what this means is that my induction will be a multi-step process.  We will call in on Wednesday, and they will tell us what time they want us to come in (depending on how full and busy they are, etc).  When we arrive and settle into our room, they will give me a cervical ripening agent as the first step.  This in and of itself can sometimes be enough to get labor going, which is what I am really hoping for since I've been having contractions already.  But if not, it is designed to get things opening up so that the next day when we start the Pitocin it isn't just giving me painful, useless contractions.

Yes, I did say the next day.  I anticipate going in sometime later on Wednesday for step one of the process, and then beginning the Pitocin early on Thursday.  This would mean that hopefully Isabella will join us as an outside baby sometime on Thursday, July 22nd.

Worst case scenarios can include a couple of things.  The first is that the process doesn't work the first time to get active labor and we have to go through more than one round of it.  You can imagine this now becomes a multi day process.  Or, something doesn't react well with me or the baby, and we end up in c-section.

In the meantime, I am doing everything I can to either get my body to go into labor before Wednesday, or at least be more favorable for this induction.  I'm walking and eating spicy foods and sitting on the birthing (i.e. yoga) ball, and even doing acupuncture.  I've gone twice for my induction points already in hopes that things will get moving.  Even if they don't my acupuncturist worked on my blood pressure points (to keep things under control), and even more important my various stress points.  Relaxation is key for a good labor.

Other than being a little upset that the end of my pregnancy is being rushed, I feel good.  I'm not wretchedly uncomfortable, and am ready to meet my little girl.  I'm even coming around to be emotionally prepared for "worst case" so that if that happens, I'm not devastated.  I'm working on enjoying my last few days of "freedom" and really make sure to do enough of the things I want to that might be hard to do soon.  I'm keeping my head up and staying hopeful that I will still get a birth experience in line with what I want.

The craziest thing is, by this time next week, no matter what else happens, Nick and I will be parents.  Exciting and terrifying all at the same time! =)

You never know!

I debated whether or not I wanted to write this, but I figure that I want the record of events eventually when this journey is done.

I've been having semi-regular contractions since yesterday afternoon.  It started Monday morning during my NST.  I had a couple of good contractions on the monitor with some irritability in between.  Not uncommon, but a little more than I've had in the past.  Then I went out and felt a couple more here and there.  Nothing that even inspired me to to think twice about them though.  I went to Old Navy and Costco with Sarah and Mia, and had a few more, encouraged by the walking.  Once I returned home my belly continued to work, but I thought nothing of it.  Sometimes it takes awhile after I've been walking for the contractions to settle down.  Most importantly, they aren't painful or regular, so I just assume that they are braxton hicks, or practice contractions.

Well as the evening went on, and they didn't stop, I thought perhaps I just over did it.  I took a little nap, thinking that laying down on my side and some rest would surely right me.  When I woke up and realized that the contractions had in fact not stopped, but had continued while I was sleeping (it was a fairly light sleep), I had a moment of sheer panic hit me.

I sat up and drank some water.  No change, so I watched the clock.  Within 20 minutes I had about 4 or 5 contractions, some longer, some shorter, but consistently 4-5 minutes apart.  I had a moment of cognizance that this could be "it" and my house was a mess.  I got up and started cleaning.  We had clothes to put away and fold, and dishes to wash.  I started moving through the house like a crazy person because if the contractions increased, or my water broke, I did not want to come back to my messy house with a new baby.

Poor Nick had come home not feeling well due to a nasty allergy attack, so had been sleeping as well.  He woke up to find me in the middle of my fit.  I explained what was happening and that although I didn't think I was in "labor" that I needed to get things organized just in case.  Nick, being the amazing person he is, started helping.  I suppose I got his adrenaline going too. =)

We finally went to bed, having accomplished the main things I wanted done and tried to sleep.  It took me awhile to settle down, but eventually I did fall asleep.  I fully expected to wake up feeling silly and back to "normal".  Well, that is not exactly what happened.  Here I am, more than 24 hours later, still having mild contractions.  This morning I described how I felt to my mom as having done a full abdominal workout yesterday.  My muscles in my stomach and back are just fatigued.  Clearly the contractions continued throughout the night.

So here I sit, apparently in early labor, with mild contractions coming and going.  They aren't painful, or even easily timeable.  I also have no idea if they are "doing" anything, or just torturing me a little. =)  They do excite baby girl though, so she's been quite active these last 24 hours.  It's a good sign though, since early labor can go on for days or even weeks, at least I know that she isn't distressed by the contractions.

Now I sit and wait.  I keep hoping my body will just go one way or the other.  I'm not anxious for this baby to be an outside baby yet- especially since we have two more weeks till our due date, but if she does decide she wants her birthday early, I am ready.  I do however want my body to make up its mind.  I am just uncomfortable enough that I either want progression (an end in sight) or for things to settle down.  I guess if nothing else changes, I'll have a little more information on Thursday!

So don't get too excited.  A few contractions don't make labor immediate!  It is at least good to know that my body clearly has some idea of what it is supposed to be doing.  Perhaps the next post I write will be "false alarm" or "she's here!".  You just never know!