Other people's opinions

I try very hard to not let other people's opinions of me get me down.  I am terrible at it.  Today is a perfect example.


This morning I had an interview.  I also had a date for tomorrow night.  Both things I was excited about.  I left the interview feeling totally unsure about how it went.  It was short and I left with the impression that I didn't say what they wanted to hear.  Or I wasn't the person they wanted to find.  It shouldn't matter, but I want to be wanted.  I want the job because it sounds interesting, and challenging, and would allow me to be home with my children while paying the bills.  And the guy... Well he was younger.  But not crazy young.  And adorable.  And we had plenty in common that would have kept things fun and interesting.  But apparently when I stated that I wanted more than just sex, that meant I wanted something serious.  Despite the clear explanation of what that meant (and far from serious it was).... But instead of meeting me, and seeing if we clicked, or talking to me about it, he freaked out and cancelled.  Again...  Oh yes, this is the second go around I've had with this gentleman...


Between these two things, and my children not listening, (because they were tired and transitioning from being with their dad all weekend, and they were hot), I lost it.  I stopped being the mom I want to be.  I lost my temper and bedtime was no fun.  My energy was sapped and now I want to go to bed early instead of doing anything useful (though I did at least clean the kitchen)...


I am tired of feeling this way.  I'm tired of feeling undesirable.  Guys want to sleep with me, but not date me.  People want to see my house, but not buy it.  Companies want to interview me, but not hire me... Well I guess that last one is yet to be seen.  Still, none of it should actually reflect on my self worth.  And yet here I lie, with a splitting headache, feeling even worse than I did before I had the possibility of any of these things.  I know I am worth more than I am getting.  Yet I continue to allow the treatment of less.  So how do I change this?  Just like my house, how do I get people to see the value I see?


I feel a little beat down from this one... And lets be honest, we don't know what is happening with the job, so really, it is all over a guy that I just wanted to have some fun with... Go figure.