This weekend has been hard for me. I sort of knew going in that might be the case. You see, I've shut down all of my dating profiles. I had realized awhile ago that I wasn't really ready for a relationship, and although I want less, my standards for what "less" looks like were apparently still too high for online dating. The behavior online is absolutely atrocious and it had become an actual negative distraction in my life. I was being treated like I was disposable, and I was allowing it. So I said enough and shut them all down. I'm still open to meeting people. May even speed date some more (it is so fun!), but I am choosing to focus on me for now.
Trouble is, then the weekend comes when the kids leave. And I'm alone. And my friends are busy with their families and husbands and lives. And I'm alone.
Don't get me wrong, I value *some* alone time. But I've never been someone who needs it. Or not much anyhow. I value time with my partner. Doing our individual things side by side. So when left with three days alone, and no plans, I tend to feel sad, and unwanted, and unimportant.
Since I know this about myself, I am working on how to change it. What can I do differently to not hit depression when I am in this space. Some obligation I can plan for every other weekend that puts me with people. I'm almost ready to go to church! Classes are weekly. Shows are constant. Maybe I should join a museum and force myself to go and create a study for myself.
I guess my real challenge is how do you create an entirely new life, part time, from scratch? How do you fill those hours? Investing in myself and my home, or giving my time to others, seem the obvious choices, but even those don't come easily. So for now I am trying to simply be okay with the dip. Though when I'm in it, it is not an easy challenge.
Trouble is, then the weekend comes when the kids leave. And I'm alone. And my friends are busy with their families and husbands and lives. And I'm alone.
Don't get me wrong, I value *some* alone time. But I've never been someone who needs it. Or not much anyhow. I value time with my partner. Doing our individual things side by side. So when left with three days alone, and no plans, I tend to feel sad, and unwanted, and unimportant.
Since I know this about myself, I am working on how to change it. What can I do differently to not hit depression when I am in this space. Some obligation I can plan for every other weekend that puts me with people. I'm almost ready to go to church! Classes are weekly. Shows are constant. Maybe I should join a museum and force myself to go and create a study for myself.
I guess my real challenge is how do you create an entirely new life, part time, from scratch? How do you fill those hours? Investing in myself and my home, or giving my time to others, seem the obvious choices, but even those don't come easily. So for now I am trying to simply be okay with the dip. Though when I'm in it, it is not an easy challenge.
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