Today, I feel a little like giving up.
I had a beautiful weekend. Amazing weather in a beautiful house with beautiful women. I felt blessed. Truly.
Today, real life starts again. Although I had a sweet morning with Gio, and Bella was so happy to see me after school, I still just feel inadequate. They always have fun with their dad. And I think he is moving in with his girlfriend. So now they are a happy little family unit. I feel... Replaced. They go and do the things we used to go and do. They go on little day adventures. And while I try, so hard, to give my children the "same" life we had together before, the fact is simple, it isn't the same. I don't have it in me to have the same playful adventuring spirit alone. We still go do things, but I know it just isn't the same. I guarantee they don't talk about their life with me the same way they talk about their life with him.
I just feel a little extraneous. Don't get me wrong, I'm mommy and would be missed, but I feel a little like he's gone ahead and rebuilt what we had so quickly that it feels normal and ok to the kids. Whereas its just me and them. And it isn't enough.
I'm not going to run out just to fill the hole. I know better. But I also don't have enough to give just by myself. So what do I do?
What do you do when you feel like you're children are happier with their other parent?
I know she could NEVER replace me as their mom, but it sort of feels like they wouldn't notice for awhile. I also know that I provide more of the important real life parenting pieces. I am in fact the best parent for them. But some days it is just way too much. I can't be the second choice. The disappointment. I can't hear every day that they want to go to daddy's. It is way too painful.
How did I end up here? How is it possible my own children don't choose me? I have fought so hard to be present, and kind, and happy through some of the darkest days of my life, and it still isn't enough. So today I ask, why bother?
I had a beautiful weekend. Amazing weather in a beautiful house with beautiful women. I felt blessed. Truly.
Today, real life starts again. Although I had a sweet morning with Gio, and Bella was so happy to see me after school, I still just feel inadequate. They always have fun with their dad. And I think he is moving in with his girlfriend. So now they are a happy little family unit. I feel... Replaced. They go and do the things we used to go and do. They go on little day adventures. And while I try, so hard, to give my children the "same" life we had together before, the fact is simple, it isn't the same. I don't have it in me to have the same playful adventuring spirit alone. We still go do things, but I know it just isn't the same. I guarantee they don't talk about their life with me the same way they talk about their life with him.
I just feel a little extraneous. Don't get me wrong, I'm mommy and would be missed, but I feel a little like he's gone ahead and rebuilt what we had so quickly that it feels normal and ok to the kids. Whereas its just me and them. And it isn't enough.
I'm not going to run out just to fill the hole. I know better. But I also don't have enough to give just by myself. So what do I do?
What do you do when you feel like you're children are happier with their other parent?
I know she could NEVER replace me as their mom, but it sort of feels like they wouldn't notice for awhile. I also know that I provide more of the important real life parenting pieces. I am in fact the best parent for them. But some days it is just way too much. I can't be the second choice. The disappointment. I can't hear every day that they want to go to daddy's. It is way too painful.
How did I end up here? How is it possible my own children don't choose me? I have fought so hard to be present, and kind, and happy through some of the darkest days of my life, and it still isn't enough. So today I ask, why bother?
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