Well the cancer scare got worse before it got better. I called to make my ultrasound appointment, heard the word "mass" and in reference to the original cancer side, and then had to go through all of the reports with my doctors office to figure out that in fact what we are looking into isn't the "noise" they saw on the MRI a year ago, nor a "mass" but in fact a lymph node that they have been watching from the beginning and has a propensity to change sizes. I won't get into the nitty gritty but essentially now I'm not worried. I still have to have an ultrasound on Tuesday, and welcome your thoughts and prayers for nothing to be found, but also feel confident that it was enlarged due to the nasty infection I had fought only a week prior.
Still, this week beat me down. The cancer scare, the ex and his girlfriend, and finally meeting with real estate agents to discuss the sale of my home, was a lot of emotional weight to manage. By the time Friday afternoon rolled around, I crashed and crashed hard.
Gratefully this weekend was full of sweetness and blessings. We spent Saturday morning playing at the pool with friends. Then my kids noni arrived and we enjoyed lunch together and a quiet afternoon and evening. I love this woman and am so incredibly grateful to have her in my life. Sunday we enjoyed a visit to the farmers market where the kids were spoiled with waffles and jumpy houses and pony rides, and then it was family dinner and Bella's preschool graduation. I know, preschool graduation is so silly, but so so adorable. I loved every second of it. My girl was so happy and strong and confident. She loved being celebrated by her family and I loved it too.
So although this summer has a lot of work in store for me (I really really hate moving) I can't wait to move on from my "family" home to a new home that is untouched by the pain of the past. I can't wait to get my kids settled into kindergarten and preschool and watch them grow and thrive. I can't wait to figure out who I am and who I want to be. To find things in my life that are just mine to support my kids. To find a rhythm and beauty to our new life. I find new strength in myself every day and am so incredibly grateful for the amazing people I carry in my heart. So no, cancer, divorce, betrayal, moving... None of you get to break me. I am a survivor.
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