I'm trying to be positive. Trying extremely hard. To be honest though- I'm terrified. Yes I'm strong. Yes I have all the reasons in the world to beat this. Yet here I am at 1am exhausted and unable to sleep. I am so anxious I don't know what to do with myself.
It is hard to "just trust" that everything will turn out when I just spent a week "trusting" and then getting the worst possible news. I'm terrified that I am going to go to my imaging appointment tomorrow (today) and they are going to find more cancer elsewhere. What if I didn't really catch it early? Or it just grows so insanely fast that it is as if it isn't early.
I hate posting this because I want my face to be one of courage but at the end of the day I think honesty is more important. So there you go. I'm scared. I am really, really, really scared. I pray that tomorrows results will give me the break I need to regain my faith that I won't beat every bad odd. With this luck I should be winning the lottery not fighting breast cancer!
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I need them.
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