Isabella is a wonderful little personality. She is very social- loves to smile and laugh and coo at all sorts of people. I wear her around the grocery store in the bjorn and she attracts people like nobodies business! She is also a bit hot tempered, usually going from 0-60 in .2 seconds. She amazes me continually, one second smiling and laughing away, the next second turning beet red and sweating from screaming so loud. I work very hard to try and anticipate her needs so that we can avoid these screaming fits, but sometimes I swear that even when her need is presented to her (as opposed to coming from her own awareness) she gets just as upset if it isn't immediately taken care of.
This personality is a big part of what makes breastfeeding such a challenge. Even with my supply up, I've determined that I need to have an over supply (in other words I need to be so full that I am literally spraying/leaking rapidly) to meet her impatient needs. She requires such immediate satisfaction (should I be warned of things to come!?!) that it is frequently difficult to get her to do her "job" in order to get what she wants/needs from me.
So what else can I tell you about our life with baby Isabella? Her growth amazes me every day. First she started responding to the "stim" toy on her car seat that was red, black and white. She would smile and laugh at it. Then she started "playing" in her rock 'n play chair and loving the bug toys that hang on that. She started out just looking at one and now she can sit in there for a good half an hour just playing away. She kicks her feet and laughs at the bugs. Now I can see her brain really working hard to figure out how to make the one bug "sing" to her. She knows which bug makes the music and has accidentally grabbed it a couple of times, turning it on. Tonight I watched her get mad because she couldn't make it happen again. You can really see her brain at work- synapses firing away and connections building. She also will fall asleep on her own sometimes (not having to be rocked or nursed to sleep). She will even go to sleep in her swing now (which she didn't like at all when she was smaller). Her favorite of all toys? A simple mirror. She absolutely loves looking at the pretty baby in the mirror who smiles back at her. =)
In many ways she is a very secure baby. She will let other people hold her (provided she is in an acceptable mood to begin with), and will usually even smile and talk to them. At the same time she seems to be having "mommy moments" where no one can get her to settle down except me. I was starting to worry that she was entering a true mommy phase, but Nick has had some success settling her down even when I couldn't. It was daunting though thinking about being the only one she wanted. I didn't mind in the beginning (it was quite good for me actually) but now I'm starting to need just a little more space for me again. A simple shower is still a luxury to have entirely alone. I'm mostly quite happy spending my days with Isabella, but can definitely see that the ability to put her down while napping, or playing, so that I can feel even slightly productive is increasingly important for my mental health. The fussiness is also starting to wear me down. I wouldn't usually call her a fussy baby, but I'm starting to wonder if that is just because I have no real point of reference. With that said I also usually blame it on the feeding situation. Well that and her clear need for sleep!
That's another thing that's interesting about her. She is a total sleeper. She needs a lot of sleep each day or she can be a real terror. A "normal" day (whatever that is) usually has us getting up in the morning around 10am. She eats and then plays for a bit. Then she usually naps from about 11 to about 1 (give or take). Then she eats again, plays again, and is back to sleep around 2 until about 4 or 5. Plays a little (or screams), eats some more and then naps again. This time frame is more "cat napping" as it is more on and off in shorter spurts. Then around 9:30 she eats and is usually down for the night by about 10 or so. She typically sleeps until 4am, eats, goes back to sleep until about 7, eats again, and then we start all over around 10. This is clearly not set in stone, but if she doesn't get at least two solid naps during the day (at least 1.5 hours, and that is short) then by 6pm she is screaming bloody murder. This was no problem when she would sleep anywhere for hours at a time, but that is becoming less and less the case. She will sleep anywhere as long as she is in my arms. She usually will fall asleep in her car seat, but if we are out, generally will wake up within 10 minutes of being out of the car. So that's one that we will have to figure out. Once she is sleeping less and we can fix nap times a little more, at least I can manage a schedule with her. The nice part is that she definitely has clear patterns from day to day. On top of that, she has slept through the night (we're talking 8+ hours here) 3 times! Twice in a row this past week actually.
So as much as breastfeeding has been an insane challenge for us, at least she is a great sleeper. I guess we all have our challenges with our babies, and this is mine. She is really a wonderful little girl though. Her smile warms my heart and she can entertain me for hours when we play. I think as she grows we will be great playmates. I love to sing to her and will definitely teach her songs. I am starting to use baby sign language too whenever I can remember so that we can communicate as early as she is ready (since she clearly has opinions already!). Meanwhile I am reading The Female Brain and getting great insight into myself and also good reminders of what to prepare for as she grows. It makes me grateful to be in the mommy phase of my brain development though! Lots of oxytocin is coursing through my brain currently, keeping me happy despite sleep deprivation, frustration and anxiety over breastfeeding, and general anxiety and worry over the well-being of my baby. Fascinating stuff!
A sweet sleeping baby- taken tonight!
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