Every day is a new day. This is my current mantra. I genuinely love motherhood. Far more than I ever expected to. I always knew that I would love my baby, but the tedium of motherhood? I wasn't so sure about that. With that said- this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I'm not talking about the sleep deprivation (though not exactly a walk in the park) or even the anxiety producing worry about the life of this being. No, breastfeeding has been my dragon to slay. We started out great in the hospital, but things have steadily gone downhill from there. I'm still battling and determined to win. With Nick's allergies and my weight issues I want to give Isabella every advantage she can have.
Interestingly enough, everyone I talk to reminds me that if she has to be formula fed, it isn't the worst thing in the world. Good positive feedback to help me not feel like a bad mom, right? Well with "support" like that it is no wonder that the US has the worst rate of continuing to breastfeed. It is hard to do and so easy to give up- especially when everyone tells you it is okay.
So I fight and continue to love my baby. Tonight I realized how I am feeling overall though. It is as though I'm on a backpacking journey. I packed my bag and because of my excitement and joy at the beginning of the journey, it felt nearly weightless. However as I continue on, despite the beauty of the scenery around me, the backpack feels heavier each and
every day. At some point I need to grow stronger or my load needs to lighten, or
I may buckle from the weight. I can't take the pack off and rest awhile so something has got to give.
In happier news, Isabella is smiling and cooing like nobodies business. It certainly makes that load more enjoyable to carry if nothing else!
No comments:
Post a Comment