A full week down of no cancer treatments. It's been pretty great. I've jumped straight into being a full time mommy again. It has been wonderful (albeit exhausting). Bella is the most wonderful little person and I am so blessed to watch her develop every day. I took a few hours to spend time with my girlfriend Angela and her wonderful new baby girl, which reminded me even more how much I love being a mommy. I had a girls dinner with two of my closest girlfriends and our moms. Most importantly, I've spent time just being, and enjoying discovering what life is going to look like on the other side of the big C.
Tuesday, I was grateful for the freedom to just be. I keep trying to do all the time, to "catch up" with things that have fallen by the wayside over the last many months. Tuesday was a day of changing my mind to accommodate how I was feeling in the moment. And that felt very luxurious.
Wednesday I was grateful to be a mommy. As much as I am grateful to be Isabella's mommy, spending time with my friends three week old baby girl showed me how deeply my momminess has filled into my being. I appreciate the sweetness, and amazing possibilities of babies and children now on such a profound level. I can hold a crying baby and not think "oh my gosh, what am I doing wrong? How do I stop/fix/help this?" I can sit in the moment and know that sometimes babies cry, and just need to be held a little bit longer, or cuddled a little bit more securely. That's pretty awesome. And I do mean full of awe. =)
Today I am grateful for girlfriends. I had a good chunk of my young adult life where girlfriends were hard to come by. I struggled as my high school friends and I grew apart and I had yet to connect with new friends in my adult life. Today I reflected on the many close girlfriends I have in my life, both old and new, who I get to share my life with. As we start families and get married and work in the theatre, we get to support each other the way only girlfriends can, share in each others successes, and lift each other out of the dark. Even luckier, I get to count the women in my family as girlfriends too. Totally blessed.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Holiday Season
I love this time of year. Christmas is going up everywhere and Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Most everyone I know, with only a couple of exceptions (love you Lindsay!), complains about how it isn't even Thanksgiving and stores are putting Christmas up just so they can sell more crap. I know this is true but right now is when I most thoroughly feel the holiday spirit. There is no Christmas stress yet (buying gifts, figuring out what needs to happen for the holiday events, etc) but the sparkle is everywhere.
I love Christmas music, and decorations, and lights, and smells, and even the horribly wonderful made-for-tv Christmas movies (like Santa Baby, and Holiday in Handcuffs and The Christmas Wish- NPH!!!). These things all make me happy. I feel more generous, happier, more thoughtful, and grateful for my blessings. The colors, sights, sounds, smells and crispness to the air all put an extra spring in my step. I truly can't wait until Isabella can truly understand the holiday season and join me in all the fun.
Today, I am grateful for the sweetness of the holiday season.
I love Christmas music, and decorations, and lights, and smells, and even the horribly wonderful made-for-tv Christmas movies (like Santa Baby, and Holiday in Handcuffs and The Christmas Wish- NPH!!!). These things all make me happy. I feel more generous, happier, more thoughtful, and grateful for my blessings. The colors, sights, sounds, smells and crispness to the air all put an extra spring in my step. I truly can't wait until Isabella can truly understand the holiday season and join me in all the fun.
Today, I am grateful for the sweetness of the holiday season.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Blessings
I am so blessed. I say it over and over but the brilliant part is that I keep being reminded of this fact. I have really been enjoying my first three days as a "free" woman. I've done such crazy things as vacuuming, going to dinner at my sisters, helping throw a baby shower, and going to the beach with my family! I know- you are all jealous at the exciting life I lead. =) Honestly though, to be able to do these things without requiring a three shot espresso drink to make it through, it is exciting.
Today was a wonderful day. I woke up to my sweet girl, who slept through the night (amazing!!!) saying "up, up, up"... Usually she cries to be retrieved from her crib, so that was a sweet development. Then after we snuggled in bed and watched the mickey mouse clubhouse (no judgement- an extra half hour in bed is really so welcomed), we went out to brunch with Nick's mom Lorraine. Eggs Benedict and a nap later, it was time to get out of the house. Nick decided we should pack up the dogs and head out to the beach. It was a BEAUTIFUL day. Seriously, I don't think we could have hand picked a nicer day. Here's a photo of me and my favorite girl taking in some positive ions.
I'm not back to my full energy level, though frankly its been so long since I've been at full energy (two years- pregnant, newborn, cancer) that I don't even know what that actually feels like anymore. I have decided though that now is the time to start pushing through and do the things I've been wanting to. That means getting a workout routine incorporated into my life, finding and doing fun activities with Bella (like the zoo, discovery museum, the beach, etc), cooking, and getting my housekeeping back under control. I am totally confident that I will get there and find my stride with all of these things.
On to my gratitudes. =) I'm determined to stick with this. It really would be easier though if I was actually posting each day! C'est la vie...
Thursday, I was grateful for my freedom from cancer treatment! As much as I appreciate that the treatment has done its job and I am cancer free, I am so grateful to have my life back. Eight and a half months of various medical treatments has worn me down. But I am done!!!!
Friday I was grateful for my new vacuum. Is that sad? Anyhow I strongly disliked our old vacuum and we indulged in a new one that is really nice. I vacuumed Friday and it was so nice.
Saturday I was grateful for old friends. I have a number of people in my life that have known me as far back as elementary school. It is truly a blessing to have friends that know your history, your family and the core of who you are and have always been.
Today I am grateful for the beautiful place that we live. To get to go to the beach in November, and have absolute perfect weather- not too hot, not too cold, not too windy- is one of the many reasons they call this paradise. My daughter gets to have the sand in her toes and the ocean at her side while the sun shines down on her. How lucky are we?
Life is good.
Today was a wonderful day. I woke up to my sweet girl, who slept through the night (amazing!!!) saying "up, up, up"... Usually she cries to be retrieved from her crib, so that was a sweet development. Then after we snuggled in bed and watched the mickey mouse clubhouse (no judgement- an extra half hour in bed is really so welcomed), we went out to brunch with Nick's mom Lorraine. Eggs Benedict and a nap later, it was time to get out of the house. Nick decided we should pack up the dogs and head out to the beach. It was a BEAUTIFUL day. Seriously, I don't think we could have hand picked a nicer day. Here's a photo of me and my favorite girl taking in some positive ions.
I'm not back to my full energy level, though frankly its been so long since I've been at full energy (two years- pregnant, newborn, cancer) that I don't even know what that actually feels like anymore. I have decided though that now is the time to start pushing through and do the things I've been wanting to. That means getting a workout routine incorporated into my life, finding and doing fun activities with Bella (like the zoo, discovery museum, the beach, etc), cooking, and getting my housekeeping back under control. I am totally confident that I will get there and find my stride with all of these things.
On to my gratitudes. =) I'm determined to stick with this. It really would be easier though if I was actually posting each day! C'est la vie...
Thursday, I was grateful for my freedom from cancer treatment! As much as I appreciate that the treatment has done its job and I am cancer free, I am so grateful to have my life back. Eight and a half months of various medical treatments has worn me down. But I am done!!!!
Friday I was grateful for my new vacuum. Is that sad? Anyhow I strongly disliked our old vacuum and we indulged in a new one that is really nice. I vacuumed Friday and it was so nice.
Saturday I was grateful for old friends. I have a number of people in my life that have known me as far back as elementary school. It is truly a blessing to have friends that know your history, your family and the core of who you are and have always been.
Today I am grateful for the beautiful place that we live. To get to go to the beach in November, and have absolute perfect weather- not too hot, not too cold, not too windy- is one of the many reasons they call this paradise. My daughter gets to have the sand in her toes and the ocean at her side while the sun shines down on her. How lucky are we?
Life is good.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Crossing the finish line
Tomorrow is my last day of radiation. Officially. I hardly believe it, but my doctor isn't even in the office tomorrow, so she can't decide tomorrow to change it. =) It is difficult to wrap my brain around being done. I've spent the last eight months of my life moving from one phase, to the next, to the next to manage this diagnosis. Now, suddenly, I'm done. Now it is time to mentally and emotionally heal and truly move on from this strange, unexpected blip in my life.
I've missed some gratitudes this week, but only in blog land, so I will catch up.
Monday I was grateful for Isabella. Of course I am grateful for her every day, but it was one of those days where my heart sang extra loud for her. She gets sweeter and sweeter every single day and I am so very lucky to be her mom.
Yesterday I was grateful for Nick's mom Lorraine. She has been so wonderful through this whole process. Well, since I came into her life honestly. I hear horror stories all the time about mother-in-laws and think how truly blessed I have been and am. Anyhow what inspired me yesterday to make it the day of gratitude for Lorraine was her phone call yesterday evening. She was calling to discuss my birthday party with Nick (which she is very involved in helping to plan), to offer to come over tonight to take Bella for the night (giving both Nick and I a night off), and to ask if she can take me dress shopping for my party. She is just constantly amazing me with her generosity of all resources, most particularly her time, energy and spirit. I am lucky to have her in my life, and extra lucky to call her family.
Today I am grateful to be through the tough first year of motherhood. Although certainly we still have difficult days, generally speaking Bella gets more and more fun, and "easier" each and every day. I was reminded how hard those early days were when I spoke to a girlfriend who has a two and a half week old today. It is a magical time that I miss regularly, but man it is hard. So today I count my blessings that we are through those scary, uncertain, overwhelming days.
I've missed some gratitudes this week, but only in blog land, so I will catch up.
Monday I was grateful for Isabella. Of course I am grateful for her every day, but it was one of those days where my heart sang extra loud for her. She gets sweeter and sweeter every single day and I am so very lucky to be her mom.
Yesterday I was grateful for Nick's mom Lorraine. She has been so wonderful through this whole process. Well, since I came into her life honestly. I hear horror stories all the time about mother-in-laws and think how truly blessed I have been and am. Anyhow what inspired me yesterday to make it the day of gratitude for Lorraine was her phone call yesterday evening. She was calling to discuss my birthday party with Nick (which she is very involved in helping to plan), to offer to come over tonight to take Bella for the night (giving both Nick and I a night off), and to ask if she can take me dress shopping for my party. She is just constantly amazing me with her generosity of all resources, most particularly her time, energy and spirit. I am lucky to have her in my life, and extra lucky to call her family.
Today I am grateful to be through the tough first year of motherhood. Although certainly we still have difficult days, generally speaking Bella gets more and more fun, and "easier" each and every day. I was reminded how hard those early days were when I spoke to a girlfriend who has a two and a half week old today. It is a magical time that I miss regularly, but man it is hard. So today I count my blessings that we are through those scary, uncertain, overwhelming days.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
The Musicals Man
Last night I performed in the annual benefit for the Mountain Play, this year titled "The Musicals Man". Next year the Mountain Play will be producing The Music Man, and it will be the last year of current artistic director Jim Dunn (hence the title). Jim has directed the mountain play for the last three decades. Crazy. Anyhow it was a wonderful night full of music and amazingly talented people.
The mountain play is a very special family to be a part of. It has been around for 99 years (well this is the 99th year) so there is quite a legacy of people who have been a part of the productions. I myself performed in six straight years, though haven't joined the fun for the last four. This years celebration of Jim's thirty years on the mountain really showcased the family that is the mountain play- the many people that have come before, and those who will come after. It was very special to be a part of.
Today, I am grateful to be a part of the wonderful organization the mountain play, that has created an artistic family and allows me to continuing sharing my musical heart with the world at least once a year.
The mountain play is a very special family to be a part of. It has been around for 99 years (well this is the 99th year) so there is quite a legacy of people who have been a part of the productions. I myself performed in six straight years, though haven't joined the fun for the last four. This years celebration of Jim's thirty years on the mountain really showcased the family that is the mountain play- the many people that have come before, and those who will come after. It was very special to be a part of.
Today, I am grateful to be a part of the wonderful organization the mountain play, that has created an artistic family and allows me to continuing sharing my musical heart with the world at least once a year.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
The end is in sight!
I went the full week without any treatments at all. The skin in my armpit was the problem at first (it peeled and was raw and angry) but then on Friday when that had healed enough, the area under my breast was too irritated. The good news though is that I will be treated no matter what on Monday and will finish on Wednesday or Thursday. If my skin hasn't healed enough we will skip my last full treatment and go straight to the boost, which doesn't hit the problematic areas, and finish Wednesday. If I'm healed, we will do my final treatment, then the boosts, and finish on Thursday. So the end is in sight again! With that- to my gratitude for the day.
Today I am grateful for my mom. Last night she told me that she was planning on taking Isabella this morning so that nick could sleep (I had rehearsal). No one asked her to do this, she simply saw the need and offered. This is one example of how she has been through this entire process. It is rarely easy for an adult child and their parent to live together, but we have done amazingly well and I am so incredibly grateful to have had her through this process. It's nice to know your mommy is there especially wen you're not well. :)
Today I am grateful for my mom. Last night she told me that she was planning on taking Isabella this morning so that nick could sleep (I had rehearsal). No one asked her to do this, she simply saw the need and offered. This is one example of how she has been through this entire process. It is rarely easy for an adult child and their parent to live together, but we have done amazingly well and I am so incredibly grateful to have had her through this process. It's nice to know your mommy is there especially wen you're not well. :)
Friday, November 4, 2011
Continuing Gratitude
Well I missed a day so today there will be two gratitudes.
This week has really been a challenging start to my gratitude project. My skin hurts, I'm tired, and the light at the end of the tunnel keeps moving away from me! But what better time to practice gratitude than when you're feeling frustrated?
Yesterday I was grateful for music. Music can be cathartic, lift your spirit, soothe your soul, bring people together, and encourage change. Plus, it makes my baby happy!
Today I am grateful for my dad. He has been so supportive through this process. Particularly through these last weeks when I've struggled so much with asking for the help I've needed, he has continually answered me with "whatever you need". I am so grateful for that.
This week has really been a challenging start to my gratitude project. My skin hurts, I'm tired, and the light at the end of the tunnel keeps moving away from me! But what better time to practice gratitude than when you're feeling frustrated?
Yesterday I was grateful for music. Music can be cathartic, lift your spirit, soothe your soul, bring people together, and encourage change. Plus, it makes my baby happy!
Today I am grateful for my dad. He has been so supportive through this process. Particularly through these last weeks when I've struggled so much with asking for the help I've needed, he has continually answered me with "whatever you need". I am so grateful for that.
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