Blessings

I am so blessed.  I say it over and over but the brilliant part is that I keep being reminded of this fact.  I have really been enjoying my first three days as a "free" woman.  I've done such crazy things as vacuuming, going to dinner at my sisters, helping throw a baby shower, and going to the beach with my family!  I know- you are all jealous at the exciting life I lead. =)  Honestly though, to be able to do these things without requiring a three shot espresso drink to make it through, it is exciting. 

Today was a wonderful day.  I woke up to my sweet girl, who slept through the night (amazing!!!) saying "up, up, up"... Usually she cries to be retrieved from her crib, so that was a sweet development.  Then after we snuggled in bed and watched the mickey mouse clubhouse (no judgement- an extra half hour in bed is really so welcomed), we went out to brunch with Nick's mom Lorraine.  Eggs Benedict and a nap later, it was time to get out of the house.  Nick decided we should pack up the dogs and head out to the beach.  It was a BEAUTIFUL day.  Seriously, I don't think we could have hand picked a nicer day.  Here's a photo of me and my favorite girl taking in some positive ions.

I'm not back to my full energy level, though frankly its been so long since I've been at full energy (two years- pregnant, newborn, cancer) that I don't even know what that actually feels like anymore.  I have decided though that now is the time to start pushing through and do the things I've been wanting to.  That means getting a workout routine incorporated into my life, finding and doing fun activities with Bella (like the zoo, discovery museum, the beach, etc), cooking, and getting my housekeeping back under control.  I am totally confident that I will get there and find my stride with all of these things.

On to my gratitudes. =)  I'm determined to stick with this.  It really would be easier though if I was actually posting each day! C'est la vie...

Thursday, I was grateful for my freedom from cancer treatment!  As much as I appreciate that the treatment has done its job and I am cancer free, I am so grateful to have my life back.  Eight and a half months of various medical treatments has worn me down.  But I am done!!!!

Friday I was grateful for my new vacuum.  Is that sad? Anyhow I strongly disliked our old vacuum and we indulged in a new one that is really nice.  I vacuumed Friday and it was so nice.

Saturday I was grateful for old friends.  I have a number of people in my life that have known me as far back as elementary school.  It is truly a blessing to have friends that know your history, your family and the core of who you are and have always been.

Today I am grateful for the beautiful place that we live.  To get to go to the beach in November, and have absolute perfect weather- not too hot, not too cold, not too windy- is one of the many reasons they call this paradise.  My daughter gets to have the sand in her toes and the ocean at her side while the sun shines down on her.  How lucky are we?

Life is good.

Crossing the finish line

Tomorrow is my last day of radiation.  Officially.  I hardly believe it, but my doctor isn't even in the office tomorrow, so she can't decide tomorrow to change it. =)  It is difficult to wrap my brain around being done.  I've spent the last eight months of my life moving from one phase, to the next, to the next to manage this diagnosis.  Now, suddenly, I'm done.  Now it is time to mentally and emotionally heal and truly move on from this strange, unexpected blip in my life.

I've missed some gratitudes this week, but only in blog land, so I will catch up.

Monday I was grateful for Isabella.  Of course I am grateful for her every day, but it was one of those days where my heart sang extra loud for her.  She gets sweeter and sweeter every single day and I am so very lucky to be her mom.

Yesterday I was grateful for Nick's mom Lorraine.  She has been so wonderful through this whole process.  Well, since I came into her life honestly.  I hear horror stories all the time about mother-in-laws and think how truly blessed I have been and am.  Anyhow what inspired me yesterday to make it the day of gratitude for Lorraine was her phone call yesterday evening.  She was calling to discuss my birthday party with Nick (which she is very involved in helping to plan), to offer to come over tonight to take Bella for the night (giving both Nick and I a night off), and to ask if she can take me dress shopping for my party.  She is just constantly amazing me with her generosity of all resources, most particularly her time, energy and spirit.  I am lucky to have her in my life, and extra lucky to call her family.

Today I am grateful to be through the tough first year of motherhood.  Although certainly we still have difficult days, generally speaking Bella gets more and more fun, and "easier" each and every day.  I was reminded how hard those early days were when I spoke to a girlfriend who has a two and a half week old today.  It is a magical time that I miss regularly, but man it is hard.  So today I count my blessings that we are through those scary, uncertain, overwhelming days.

The Musicals Man

Last night I performed in the annual benefit for the Mountain Play, this year titled "The Musicals Man".  Next year the Mountain Play will be producing The Music Man, and it will be the last year of current artistic director Jim Dunn (hence the title).  Jim has directed the mountain play for the last three decades.  Crazy.  Anyhow it was a wonderful night full of music and amazingly talented people.

The mountain play is a very special family to be a part of.  It has been around for 99 years (well this is the 99th year) so there is quite a legacy of people who have been a part of the productions.  I myself performed in six straight years, though haven't joined the fun for the last four.  This years celebration of Jim's thirty years on the mountain really showcased the family that is the mountain play- the many people that have come before, and those who will come after.  It was very special to be a part of.

Today, I am grateful to be a part of the wonderful organization the mountain play, that has created an artistic family and allows me to continuing sharing my musical heart with the world at least once a year.

The end is in sight!

I went the full week without any treatments at all. The skin in my armpit was the problem at first (it peeled and was raw and angry) but then on Friday when that had healed enough, the area under my breast was too irritated. The good news though is that I will be treated no matter what on Monday and will finish on Wednesday or Thursday. If my skin hasn't healed enough we will skip my last full treatment and go straight to the boost, which doesn't hit the problematic areas, and finish Wednesday. If I'm healed, we will do my final treatment, then the boosts, and finish on Thursday. So the end is in sight again! With that- to my gratitude for the day.

Today I am grateful for my mom. Last night she told me that she was planning on taking Isabella this morning so that nick could sleep (I had rehearsal). No one asked her to do this, she simply saw the need and offered. This is one example of how she has been through this entire process. It is rarely easy for an adult child and their parent to live together, but we have done amazingly well and I am so incredibly grateful to have had her through this process. It's nice to know your mommy is there especially wen you're not well. :)

Continuing Gratitude

Well I missed a day so today there will be two gratitudes.

This week has really been a challenging start to my gratitude project. My skin hurts, I'm tired, and the light at the end of the tunnel keeps moving away from me! But what better time to practice gratitude than when you're feeling frustrated?

Yesterday I was grateful for music. Music can be cathartic, lift your spirit, soothe your soul, bring people together, and encourage change. Plus, it makes my baby happy!

Today I am grateful for my dad. He has been so supportive through this process. Particularly through these last weeks when I've struggled so much with asking for the help I've needed, he has continually answered me with "whatever you need". I am so grateful for that.

Disappointment

I have been fighting this battle now for eight months.  I have felt very lucky that nothing has really delayed any of my treatments.  I sailed through chemo with no delays.  I scheduled my surgery and barrelled right through.  It took awhile to have my drains removed, but it didn't actually delay my radiation or my tissue expander filling.  I started radiation and managed to fly through five weeks of treatment without much effect other than a little fatigue.

This past week has officially thrown me off that lucky trend.  My skin has gone from slightly irritated to complete radiation burn.  There are two spots that have peeled and are now open, raw skin.  This is where my doctor draws the line.  It is too damaged to treat.  I haven't had a treatment since Monday.  In case you've forgotten, I was supposed to have my last treatment tomorrow.  Now I'm taking tomorrow off completely (not going to the clinic just to be turned away for the fourth day in a row).  This is in hopes that my skin will heal enough to have my treatment on Friday.  Assuming I am able to be treated on Friday, and keep pace, I will finish on Wednesday of next week.

I'm pretty disappointed to say the least.  When I finish these treatments, I am done with treatment.  So to have that end so close, and yet so far, has been a tough pill to swallow.  But I'm trying to keep my attitude of gratitude for the month, so here we go.

Today I am grateful to have a doctor who genuinely cares about both my immediate, and long term health and well being.  I know that I am being cared for in the best possible way and have an excellent team working for me.  Not everyone can say that, and I am grateful that I can!

Gratitude Project

Something online inspired me.  I want to have a "gratitude project" this month.  My plan is to post each day with something I am feeling grateful for.  There will be no order to it as I will just post about whatever I am inspired to be grateful for that day.  No repeats though- there has to be something new each day.

To start the month off, I am grateful for my family, as a whole (individuals will likely get their own days too).  I feel so lucky to be a part of such a wonderful group of people who are all so loving and supportive.  Best of all, generally speaking, I think we all actually like each other, which is rare in families I've found.  So we get to spend time with one another and actually enjoy it!

Today, I am grateful for my family.